<A HANMER>
<T LETTER>
<E LONDON 1742>
<P 11>
((A LETTER FROM LADY HANMER TO
SIR THOMAS.
SIR,))
<L 4>
THO' I THOUGHT THAT ALL COMMERCE OR
CORRESPONDENCE WAS FOR EVER AT AN END
BETWEEN US, YET I FIND MYSELF UNDER THE NE-+
CESSITY / OF ONCE MORE WRITING TO YOU; NOT TO
REMONSTRATE WITH YOU UPON ANY THING THAT IS
PAST, NOR TO EMBARRASS YOU WITH QUESTIONS TO
WHICH I KNOW YOU COULD GIVE NO ANSWERS;
FOR I HAVE NOT BEEN AT ALL AFFECTED BY OUR SEPA-+
RATION, / OR ANY APPEARANCES IN THE CIRCUM-+
STANCES / OF IT, EXCEPTING IN LOSING THE SOCIETY OF
SOME OF YOUR RELATIONS WHOM I TRULY LOVED,
AND BY WHOM, IF I DO NOT GROSSLY FLATTER MY-+
SELF, / I WAS A LITTLE BELOVED; BUT YOU SAY, THAT
YOUR SISTER ONLY WAS TO BLAME IN THAT INJUNC-+
TION, / AND THAT YOU WAS INNOCENT. I HAVE,
AND DESIRE TO HAVE SO LITTLE INTERCOURSE WITH THE
WORLD, THAT I HAD RATHER SUFFER THE INJURIES IT
HAS DONE ME, GREAT AS THEY ARE, THAN DO MYSELF
JUSTICE AT THE EXPENCE OF RECALLING SO MELAN-+
CHOLY / A TRAIN OF THOUGHTS, AS MUST EVER ARISE
IN MY MIND ON THIS SUBJECT. BUT I AM GREAT-+
LY / AFFLICTED, THAT MR. HERVEY'S ATTACHMENT TO
ME SHOULD HAVE EXPOSED HIM TO SUSPICIONS AND
IMPUTATIONS, WHICH NO OTHER PART OF HIS CON-+
DUCT /
<P 12>
WOULD HAVE LEFT HIM LIABLE TO. INDEED
'TIS CRUEL; FOR HIS BEHAVIOUR BETWEEN HIS TEN-+
DERNESS / TO MY FRIENDSHIP, AND TO YOUR REPU-+
TATION, / WAS SO NICE A THING, THAT IT OUGHT TO
STAND RECORDED AS A MOST AMAZING PARTERN OF
THE TRUEST LOVE AND HONOUR.
SOME YEARS AGO, WHEN I THOUGHT I HAD NOT
LONG TO LIVE, I COULD NOT FOREGO THE PLEASURE OF
GIVING HIM WITH MY OWN HANDS THE LAST
TESTIMONY OF MY AFFECTION FOR HIM, AND THE
MOST PURE AFFECTION THAT EVER WOMAN BORE A
MAN: BUT THE SACRIFICES WHICH (AS YOU YOUR-+
SELF / KNOW) HE HAS SINCE MADE TO MY PASSION FOR
HIM, SO FAR SURPASS ALL THE LITTLE ACKNOWLEDG-+
MENTS / I CAN MAKE HIM, THAT I AM BANKRUPT
EVEN IN HOPE. I ONLY MENTION IT, IN ORDER
MOST SOLEMNLY TO ASSURE YOU, THAT EVEN UPON
THIS OCCASION HE WAS SO FAR FROM GIVING ANY
ENCOURAGEMENT TO MY LOVE, THAT ALL I HAD
FROM HIM WAS ONLY GENERAL PROFESSIONS OF HIS
OBLIGATIONS TO ME. FROM THE TIME MY MO-+
THER / DIED (UPON WHICH EVENT I ALWAYS DETER-+
MINED, / IN MY OWN MIND, TO LIVE NO LONGER
WITH YOU) TO THE TIME WE PARTED, IT WAS
WHOLLY AND SOLELY AT HIS DESIRE AND PERSUASION,
THAT I FOREBORE MAKING YOU THE PROPOSAL OF OUR
SEPARATION; BUT UPON BEING BETTER ACQUAINTED
WITH MY CIRCUMSTANCES, AND THE GRIEFS OF
MIND AND BODY TO WHICH HE EXPOSED ME, HE
WOULD NO LONGER INTERPOSE, BUT CONSENTED TO
MY MAKING THAT MOTION; WHICH I ACCORDINGLY
DID THE WINTER BEFORE I WENT TO SPAW, THO'
<P 13>
YOU DID NOT THEN (I DON'T KNOW FOR WHAT REA-+
SON)/ THINK FIT TO COMPLY WITH IT. UPON EX-+
TORTING / FROM ME, BY REPEATED INSTANCES, AN
EXPLANATION OF A PASSAGE IN A LETTER I WROTE
YOU BEFORE I WENT ABROAD, HE THOUGHT HE HAD
LESS TO MANAGE WITH ME, OR I WITH YOU; YET I
ASSURE YOU (AS A FARTHER PROOF OF HIS REGARD AND
CONSIDERATION FOR YOU) IT WAS ENTIRELY OWING
TO HIM, THAT AT MY RETURN I DID NOT TRY, WHE-+
THER / THE LAW WOULD NOT HAVE PUT ME IN POS-+
SESSION / OF MY FORTUNE. AS I HOPE FOR THE
CONTINUANCE OF HIS LOVE (WHICH I AM SURE YOU
BELIEVE I DO, THO' YOU MIGHT NOT ANY OTHER
ASSEVERATION I CAN MAKE) THESE ARE FACTS, AND
SUCH PROOFS OF PUNCTO AND SELF-DENIAL, AS ARE
NOT PERHAPS TO BE PARALLELL'D IN THE WHOLE
WORLD BESIDES. FOR MY OWN PART, YOU KNOW,
THAT UNDER THE GREATEST PROVOCATION TO ALL THE
LEVITIES AND EXTRAVAGANCE A WOMAN COULD BE
GUILTY OF, I NEVER, DURING THE MANY YEARS I
LIVED WITH YOU, EITHER WRONG'D YOU, DECEIVED
YOU, OR DISOBEY'D YOU: SUCH A CONSCIOUSNESS
MIGHT HAVE BEEN MATTER OF BOAST TO A WIFE
HALF IN LOVE; BUT, SURELY, IT WAS HIGHLY MERI-+
TORIOUS / IN AN UNLOVING AND AN INJURED ONE. IF
YOU HAD EVER HAD MY AFFECTIONS, SO FAR WAS I
FROM BEING CAPABLE OF ANY VIOLATION OF THEM,
THAT HEAVEN WOULD HAVE SCARCE SHARED THEM
WITH YOU. I NEVER MADE A MYSTERY OF MY AT-+
TACHMENT, / WHERE I HAD PLACED THEM; NOR DID
YOU EVER EXPRESS THE LEAST UNEASINESS AT IT.
IF YOU HAD, AND HAD QUESTION'D ME ABOUT THE
NATURE OF IT, I SHOULD VERY FRANKLY HAVE TOLD
<P 14>
YOU ALL I FELT FOR HIM: THAT I HAD GIVEN A
MOST INVIOLABLE LOVE TO A MOST UNALTERABLE ME-+
RIT; / AN HEART UNADULTERATED BY ANY FORMER
CHOICE, AS IT WILL EVER REMAIN BY ANY SECOND
ONE, THO' I WERE TO LIVE A THOUSAND YEARS.
BUT NO MORE OF THIS, WHICH MUST BE AN UN-+
GRATEFUL / SUBJECT TO US BOTH; BUT IT POSSESSES
MY WHOLE SOUL; THEREFORE IT IS NO WONDER
IT HAS FORESTALL'D MY MORE IMMEDIATE PURPOSE,
WHICH WAS TO INFORM YOU, THAT I SHALL VERY
SOON GO ABROAD, AND, FROM THE STATE OF
HEALTH I AM IN, LITTLE EXPECT EITHER TO RETURN OR
TO SURVIVE YOU: FOR WHICH REASON LET ME
CONJURE YOU, TO LEAVE BARTON TO MR. HERVEY;
IT WAS EVER MY FIRST AND WILL BE MY LATEST WISH;
THEREFORE GIVE ME SOME HOPES OF YOUR CON-+
SENT, / THO' YOU DECEIVE THEM, THAT I MAY LIVE
AND DIE AT LEAST IN SOME DEGREE OF PEACE. YOU
ARE A GOOD-NATURED AND SERIOUS MAN, AND,
WHEN YOU COME TO REFLECT, WILL NOT, CANNOT
THINK, THAT I AM ASKING AN UNREASONABLE AC-+
KNOWLEDGMENT / FOR ALL I HAVE SUFFER'D, AND AM
STILL SUFFERING ON YOUR ACCOUNT. I AM PER-+
HAPS / THE ONLY WOMAN, WHO, IN MY SITUATION,
WOULD NOT EITHER HAVE EXPOSED YOU TO THE
WORLD, OR HAVE WRONG'D YOUR FAMILY; THO'
WHAT HAD BEEN AN INJURY TO YOUR'S WOULD
HAVE BEEN BUT JUSTICE TO MY OWN: FOR, SUP-+
POSING / ME CAPABLE TO HAVING A CHILD, YOUR
GIVING MY ESTATE TO YOUR HEIR, AND MY GIVING
AN HEIR TO YOUR ESTATE, ARE BUT ONE AND THE
SAME INJUSTICE. BUT I'LL HAVE DONE, AND ENDEA-+
VOUR / TO SUSPEND THESE THOUGHTS, FROM WHICH MY
<P 15>
MIND HAS SCARCE HAD A MOMENT'S RESPITE FOR
SOME YEARS; DEPENDING UPON YOUR INDULGENCE
IN THIS MY LAST REQUEST TO YOU, AND ASURRING
YOU, THAT I HAVE MORE CHARITY FOR YOU, AND
BENEVOLENCE TOWARDS YOU, THAN YOU COULD EX-+
PECT, / OR HEAVEN ITSELF REQUIRE. ADIEU.
((DEC.4, 1739.))
<A HERVEY> <T LETTER> <E LONDON 1742> <P 15> <L 8>
I SHALL SUBJOIN TO THIS LETTER THE DYING-
WORDS OF IT'S MOST EXCELLENT AND EXEMPLARY
AUTHOR, WHICH MAKE A VERY NATURAL AND
CONSISTENT SUPPLEMENT TO IT; AND ARE AS FOL-+
LOW: /
<L 13>
SURE, NO POOR WRETCH EVER HAD SO SEVERE A
FATE! - THAT MAN HAS MUCH TO ANSWER
FOR - YET, IF HE HAD INDULG'D ME IN MY LAST
REQUEST TO HIM, I MIGHT HAVE FORGIVEN HIM ALL
THE REST - BUT I HOPE YOU WILL BE HAPPY.
ALAS! THE LAST WAS AS VAIN, AS ALL THE OTHER IN-+
AUSPICIOUS / WISHES OF HER LIFE: IT WAS RECOM-+
MENDING / ME TO AN END, WHILST SHE WAS ROB-+
BING / ME OF THE MEANS; AND ANY BODY WOULD
HAVE DONE AS CONSISTENT A THING, TO HAVE
WISHED ME LENGTH OF DAYS AT THE TIME HE
WAS STABBING ME.
IF AN HERO OR PHILOSOPHER HAD DIED LIKE
HER, HIS PRAISES WOULD HAVE BEEN RECORDED;
BUT THE TRULY GREAT MIND, WHICH IS EVER ALIKE
<P 16>
FREE FROM AFFECTATION, AS FROM OSTENTATION,
SILENTLY, BUT SERIOUSLY, QUITS THE WORLD, WITH
TWICE THE DECENCY AND DIGNITY OF EITHER. BUT
DECENCY, INDEED, IS DIGNITY.
BUT REST, POOR PERTUBATE SPIRIT!
((HIS SALTEM ACCUMULEM DONIS AND FUNGAR
INANI MUNERE.))
<L 8>
IF I REMEMBER THEE NOT IN MY MIRTH, MAY
HEAVEN FORSAKE ME IN MY SORROW.
MRS((.)) FLASBY, HER VERY VALUABLE AND FAITHFUL
FRIEND, WAS WITNESS TO HER PATHETIC VALEDIC-+
TION; / AND WE JOINTLY DESIRED MR((.)) CLAYTON, TO
RELATE THE SUBSTANCE OF IT TO YOU. NOT THAT IT
COULD THEN AVAIL EITHER THE DEAD OR LIVING;
BUT WE THOUGHT, IF YOU HAD ONE SINGLE ATOM
ABOUT YOUR HEART UNPETRIFY'D, THAT SUCH COM-+
PLAINTS / MUST GIVE IT A LITTLE COMPUNCTION.
MR((.)) CLAYTON (FOR WHOM I HAVE A GREAT HO-+
NOR / AND REGARD) FOR REASONS BEST KNOWN TO
HIMSELF, DID NOT ACQUIT HIMSELF, OF HIS PRO-+
MISE; / NOR WAS I SO UNREASONABLE, AS TO RENEW
MY INSTANCES FOR THE PERFORMANCE OF IT; FOR,
SOME PEOPLE ARE AFRAID OF YOU. I AM NOT OF
THE NUMBER: FOR I AM OUT OF THE REACH OF ALL
MEN'S MALICE; HAVE NOTHING TO MANAGE OR TO
DREAD, WHOLLY CARELESS WHAT BECOMES OF THE
TEDIOUS REMNANT OF A LIFE, THE PRIME OF
WHICH I SPENT IN PAIN, OBSCURITY, AND WANT.
I HAVE BEEN LONG INJURED TO MISERY, AND AM
NOW ARRIVED TO SUCH A PITCH OF IT, THAT I RATHER
<P 17>
WISH THAN FEAR ANY ADDITIONAL AFFLICTION. YET
I CONFESS, YOU AWED ME ONCE MORE THAN ANY
MAN, EXCEPT MY FATHER. THERE WAS AN AP-+
PEARANCE / OF SUCH SEVERITY IN YOUR OPINIONS AND
MANNERS, THAT YOU SEEM'D THE PROFEST CENSOR
OF THE AGE. BUT THIS SHAMELESS ANECDOTE, OF
WHICH I AM ABOUT TO SPEAK, ONCE REVEAL'D, I
NO LONGER REGARDED YOU AS WHAT YOU SEEM'D,
BUT AS WHAT YOU ARE. FROM THE TIME I KNEW
YOU TO HAVE BEEN THE CAUSE OF SUCH INEXPRES-+
SIBLE / GRIEFS TO THE POOR UNHAPPY CREATURE, I
SO UNHAPPILY LOVED AND ADMIRED, I CONCEIVED
A MOST ABHORRENT HATRED OF YOU. NEVERTHELESS
I CHECK'D AND STIFLED EVERY EFFORT AND SUGGES-+
TION / OF IT, FOR THE SAKE OF LORD BRISTOL: THO'
HIS CRUEL TREATMENT OF ME, UPON YOUR AC-+
COUNT, / WOULD HAVE LONG SINCE SET FREE A SON
OF A DIFFERENT NATURE AND TEMPER; WHO
WOULD HAVE MADE IT A PRETENCE FOR THROWING
DOWN THAT MOUND BETWEEN US, BY WHICH YOU
HAVE BEEN HITHERTO INTRENCH'D. BUT NOW I
PUT OFF ALL RESTRAINTS; THIS LAST INJURY YOU
HAVE DONE HER, THIS POSTHUMOUS WRONG (IF
I MAY BE ALLOW'D THE EXPRESSION) TRANSPORTED
ME BEYOND ALL BOUNDS OF PATIENCE. HE TOO,
THAT CAN DO ME A INSULT IN COOL BLOOD, WILL BE
SURE TO MAKE MINE BOIL.
THE PART OF A PUBLIC MONITOR (THO' I
THINK MYSELF AS WELL QUALIFY'D FOR IT, AS SOME
WHO TAKE IT UPON THEM) I KNOW, MUST VERY
LITTLE BECOME ME. SO INVIDIOUS A PROVINCE
WOULD ILL SUIT WITH MY ABILITIES AND CHA-+
RACTER, / AT LEAST MY APPARENT CHARACTER; THO'
<P 18>
GOD KNOWS HOW WIDELY DIFFERENT THAT IS FROM
THE OBSCURED AND HIDDEN MAN. BUT WHERE
YOU HAVE PRACTISED ANY OF YOUR WEAKNESSES,
THERE IS OF COURSE A RIGHT TO SPEAK AND UP-+
BRAID: / AND AS YOU HAVE TAKEN GREAT LIBERTIES
WITH ME, YOU MUST EXPECT TO BE TREATED WITH
EQUAL FREEDOM. FOR HE WHO WOU'D SLANDER
ME WITHOUT REASON, HAS FUNISH'D ME WITH
THE BEST OF REASONS TO REPROACH AND VILIFY HIM.
THERE IS BUT ONE MAN LIVING HAS AUGHT AGAINST
ME; AND IF ONCE IN MY LIFE TO HAVE INCURR'D
MY OWN REPROOF, BE SIN SO DAMNABLE AND IR-+
REMISSIBLE; / LET HIM THAT IS MORE INNOCENT THROW
THE FIRST STONE. HE WHO KNOWS ME, THAT WILL
COOLLY AND DISPASSIONATELY SAY HE SUSPECTS ME
OF ANY THING INDIRECT OR BASE, IS A LIAR AND A
SCOUNDREL; AND AN UTTER STRANGER TO ME, THAT
WOULD FIX SUCH AN IMPUTATION UPON ME, IS AN
UNCHARITABLE FOOL.
AS JAQUEZ SAYS, I SOMETIMES THINK OF
GREAT MATTERS AS WELL AS OTHERS, THO' I MAKE
NO BOAST OF IT. INDEED, TO HEAR YOU DECLAIM
OR PREACH, EITHER UPON PUBLIC OR PRIVATE OC-+
CURRENCES, / MIGHT OPERATE VERY KINDLY UPON A
RAW AND UNEXPERIENCED AUDITORY; BUT IT
WOULD MAKE NO IMPRESSION AT ALL ON ME. I
SHOULD BE APT TO OBSERVE, IN PARTICULAR, THAT
WORDS COST NOTHING; AND IN GENERAL, THAT
WE ARE ALL WISDOM AND VIRTUE, WHEN WE ARE
SUPPOSING OURSELVES TO ACT IN THE PLACE OF O-+
THERS, / AND YET ALL FOLLY AND INIQUITY IN OUR
OWN. I DO NOT WANT TO BE INFORM'D, I DO
<P 19>
NOT WANT TO BE CONVINCED; THAT THE PUBLIC IS
A VERY IMPORTANT RELATION, TO EVERY CONSTI-+
TUENT / PART OR MEMBER OF IT: BUT I WOULD
BEG LEAVE TO TAKE NOTICE THAT IT IS A REMOTE
ONE, COMPARED TO MANY OTHERS I COULD MEN-+
TION: / TOWARDS WHOM, I SHALL ALWAYS EXPECT
TO SEE SOME PORTION OF THAT BENEVOLENCE, AND
GENERAL CONCERN OF THE WELFARE OF MAN-+
KIND, / SO FAMILIAR TO THE MOUTHS, AND SO FO-+
REIGN / TO THE HEARTS OF MOST MEN; FREQUENT-+
LY / EXERTING ITSELF, BEFORE I WILL THINK MYSELF
BOUND TO BELIEVE THEM SINCERE. NO ONE MAN
HAS MORE THAN ONE MIND: HE THEREFORE WHO
HATH SIGNALIZED HIMSELF BY A STEADY ADHE-+
RENCE / TO THE RULES OF HONOUR AND HUMA-+
NITY, / AND BY A CONSTANT TENDER REGARD TO HIS
REPUTATION, IN PRIVATE LIFE; SHOULD BE SUP-+
POSED / TO BE ACTUATED, AND GOVERN'D, BY THE
SAME PRINCIPLES AND SENSATIONS IN PUBLIC.
AND AS THE ORDINARY TESTIMONIES TO, AND IN-+
STANCES / OF, THESE GREAT AND GOOD QUALITIES,
SHOULD PREPONDERATE AGAINST ALL APPEARANCES
TO THE CONTRARY, WHEN HE COMES INTO A MORE
EXALTED SPHERE: SO, ON THE OTHER HAND, WHERE-+
EVER / SUCH PROOFS ARE WANTING; ALL HIGH-STRAIN'D
NOTIONS OF GOVERNMENT, OF PATRIAL-LOVE, OR
PUBLIC-SPIRIT, SHOULD CARRY BUT LITTLE WEIGHT
OR CREDIT WITH THEM. BUT THESE REFLECTIONS
AND SURMISES ARE FOR PARTICULAR APPLICATION,
AND THEREFORE TO BE KEPT WITHIN DUE BOUNDS:
FOR THO' I CANNOT HELP FANCYING THAT MANY OF
OUR POLITICAL ZEALOTS ARE NOT SINCERE; I BELIEVE
THERE ARE MORE WHO ARE: AND I HAVE GREAT
<P 20>
JOY AND COMFORT IN THE PERSUASION. IT USED
TO BE MATTER OF WONDER TO ME THAT THERE
SHOULD BE SEEMINGLY SO MUCH MORE PUBLIC
VITUE STIRRING, THAN THERE IS OF ANY OTHER
SPECIES OF IT: BUT THE REASON APPEARS TO ME
TO BE THIS. THAT OUR PASSIONS AND AFFECTIONS
GO HAND IN HAND, AND, AS IT WERE, CO-+
OPERATE / WITH OUR PUBLIC VIRTUES; WHEREAS,
THOSE OF A PRIVATE NATURE, ARE, FOR THE MOST
PART, THE RESULT OF FREQUENT CONFLICTS WITH
OUR PASSIONS, AND INCLINATIONS; AND, IN THE
EXERCISE OF 'EM, MUST PUT US TO SOME PAINS
AND COST. TO BE PLAIN WITH YOU, SIR, ALL
YOU TALK (POSSIBLY) WITHOUT FEELING, I FEEL
WITHOUT SPEAKING: BUT I HAVE A PHILOSOPHY
SUPERIOR TO ANY OF YOUR CYNICAL TURN; WHICH
TEACHES ME, INSTEAD OF MAGNIFYING AND MULTI-+
PLYING / THE FAILINGS OF MANKIND, TO SEE AS FEW
OF THEM AS MAY BE; AND TO MODERATE MY
RESENTMENT OF WHAT I CANNOT AVOID SEEING,
BY TURNING MY THOUGHTS SOMETIMES TO MY
OWN. THUS, THAT SPIRIT OF REFORMATION
WHICH RAGES WITH SUCH FURY AMONG SLANDEROUS
WOMEN, AND EFFEMINATE MEN, I CALL HOME TO
MYSELF; AND BY WITHDRAWING MY ATTENTION
FROM THINGS I CANNOT REMEDY, AM ENABLED TO
APPLY IT TO THOSE, WHICH IT WILL BE ALWAYS IN
MY POWER TO CURE. I HAVE BLENDED EFFEMINATE
MEN WITH THE WOMEN, (AS UNNATURAL AS
SUCH JUNCTION MAY BE IN OTHER RESPECTS) BE-+
CAUSE / I HAVE EVER OBSERV'D THEM TO BE GREAT
PROPAGATORS OF SCANDAL; AS ALSO, IN GENERAL,
THAT THEY HAVE THE SAME HABITS, AFFECTIONS,
<P 21>
AND DISPOSITIONS AND AS EVERY WOMAN, PHY-+
SICALLY / SPEAKING, IS BUT A FEMALE MAN; SO THERE
IS A SPECIES OF MAN, IN WHOM WE LOSE ALL TRA-+
CES / OR SYMBOLS OF THE PROPER CREATURE, AND CI-+
VILLY / OR SOCIALLY CONSIDER'D, I LOOK UPON BUT AS
A MALE WOMAN. - BUT THE SUBJECT MATTER
OF THIS DISGRESSION WOULD HAVE FALLEN IN MORE
PERTINENTLY WITH A SUBSEQUENT PART OF MY
LETTER, IN WHICH I SHALL TAKE LEAVE TO TROUBLE
YOU AGAIN UPON THIS HEAD. IN THE MEAN TIME
I WILL BRING BACK MY THOUGHTS TO OUR WIFE;
(FOR, IN HEAVEN, WHOSE WIFE SHALL SHE BE?)
AND ENDEAVOUR TO GIVE THE BEST ACCOUNT I AM
ABLE OF OUR REMARKABLE, AND, DOUBTLESS, MUCH
REMARK'D ATTACHMENT. IT CONTAINS A STORY,
FROM A VARIETY OF CIRCUMSTANCES, SO VERY DIF-+
TRESSFUL, / THAT I AM PERSUADED IT WILL MOVE NOT
ONLY THE PITY, BUT INDIGNATION, OF ALL THE
VIRTUOUS AND WELL NATURED PART OF MANKIND.
WHERE I HAVE THIS DEPENDANCE, I MEAN TO
PAY A GREAT COMPLIMENT: FOR AS MOST MEN
ARE GOVERN'D BY THEIR CONSTITUTIONS, AND THOSE
CONSTITUTIONS ARE DAILY VARYING; WHAT RELI-+
ANCE / IS TO BE HAD UPON SUCH CREATURES THEM-+
SELVES? / AND SO CAPRICIOUS IS THE ANIMAL, (I
SPEAK EXPERIMENTALLY) THAT THERE ARE NUMBERS
OF US, WHO WOULD THINK OURSELVES BRUTES NOT
TO BE MOVED WITH THE REPRESENTATION OF A
DISASTROUS STORY UPON THE STAGE, THAT WILL
PASS BY THE REALITY IN LIFE WHOLLY UNAFFECT-+
ED. /((VARIUM AND MUTABILE,)) THO' SATIRICALLY AP-+
PLY'D / BY JUVENAL TO WOMEN ONLY, I DOUBT
<P 22>
BELONG EQUALLY TO MAN: AND ARE INDEED THE
PECULIAR OF HUMAN NATURE.
ONE GREAT DIFFICULTY (AMONG MANY OTHERS)
I HAVE UPON ME IN THE PERFORMANCE OF THIS
TASK, IS, THE APPREHENSION OF BEING BETRAY'D,
IN THE COURSE OF THE RELATION, INTO REPEATED
TRANSGRESSIONS OF A RULE I HAD PRESCRIBED MY-+
SELF / VERY EARLY IN LIFE; WHICH WAS, TO SPEAK
OF MYSELF AS SELDOM AS MAY BE: RARELY, IN
PRIVATE; IN PUBLIC, NEVER. THE FIRST PERSON
IN GRAMMAR, SHOULD BE THE LAST PERSON HEARD
OF IN RHETORIC. FREQUENT EGOTISMS, IF NOT
AN INVIDIOUS, ARE AT BEST AN UNACCEPTABLE WAY
OF TALKING: YET SELF-DEFENCE MAKES ALL
THINGS VENIAL; AND BY VIRTUE OF THAT PLEA, I
HOPE TO BE ENTITLED TO A LITTLE TOLERATION, IF
NOT AN ENTIRE DISPENSATION, IN THIS RESPECT.
FOR THO' I HAVE A SPIRIT, WHICH MAKES ME
VERY WELL CONTENT TO DIE UNPITY'D, I HAVE A
CONSCIOUSNESS ABOUT ME, WHICH MAKES ME A
LITTLE UNWILLING TO DIE UNKNOWN. BUT TO MY
PURPOSE,
KNOW THEN, SIR, THIS ILL-FATED WOMAN
HAD BEEN TOLD, THAT I WAS DESERVING AND UN-+
HAPPY; / TWO CHARACTERISTICKS SO MUCH HER
OWN, THAT SHE HAD A FELLOW-FEELING FOR ME,
'ERE SHE KNEW ME. UPON OUR BETTER AC-+
QUAINTANCE, / THO' I ENDEAVOUR'D TO CONCEAL THE
TRUTH OF ONE PART OF HER INFORMATION, SHE
GREW SO PARTIAL TO ME, AS TO THINK SHE WAS
NOT DECEIVED IN THE OTHER AND AT LENGTH
CONCEIVED THAT PASSION FOR ME WHICH SHE HAS
SO FERVENTLY AND PATHETICLY AVOW'D. IT WAS
<P 23>
NOT HER EARS OR EYES INTHRALL'D HER; FOR IF
SHE COULD HAVE BEEN CAPTIVATED BY WORDS, OR
FORMS, SHE MIGHT HAVE BEEN IN LOVE WITH
YOU. A CHOICE SO FOUNDED MIGHT HAVE GRA-+
TIFY'D / THE PRIDE OF A MUCH WORTHIER MAN
THAN MYSELF: AND I WAS PROUDER OF SUCH A
PREFERENCE, THAN I COULD HAVE BEEN OF KNOW-+
ING / MYSELF THE IDOL OF ALL WOMANKIND FOR
WIT AND BEAUTY; HAD NATURE BEEN SO BOUN-+
TEOUS / AS TO HAVE BESTOW'D EITHER OF THEM UPON
ME. I AM WELL AWARE, THAT TO INSINUATE SHE
COULD BE IN LOVE WITH NOTHING BUT MERIT, AND
AT THE SAME TIME TO BE SPEAKING OF MYSELF
AS THE CONFESS'D OBJECT OF HER LOVE; MAY
SEEM TO SAVOUR A LITTLE OF VANITY: BUT RIGHT-+
LY / CONSTRUED, IT WILL NOT BE FOUND LIABLE TO
ANY SUCH EXCEPTION. BECAUSE, SHE MIGHT BE
DECEIVED IN ME, THO' NEITHER SHE NOR ANY PER-+
SON / ELSE EVER WAS BY ME. IF SHE THOUGHT I
HAD THE MERIT, I HAD IT TO HER APPREHEN-+
SION; / AND THAT PREPOSSESSION MADE THE SEM-+
BLANCE / EQUAL TO THE SUBSTANCE, WITH RESPECT
TO THE JUSTIFICATION OF HER PASSION. POSSIBLY,
SIR, WHEN YOU MARRY'D, YOU WAS OF OPINION
THAT THIS DOCTRINE MIGHT BE EXTENDED TO THE
PERSONS OF MEN; BUT I FEAR YOU WILL NOT GET
THE WOMEN TO SUBSCRIBE TO IT. LONG BEFORE
THE CONFESSION OF HER PARTIALITY, IT HAD IN-+
DEED / BEEN BLAZED ABOUT THE COUNTRY: BUT,
UPON MY WORD, I NEVER HAD THE LEAST HINT
OR INDICATION OF IT FROM HERSELF, EITHER BY
WORD, OR DEED. AND LONG AFTER I HAD THE
LAST TESTIMONY (AS SHE CALLS IT) OF HER AFFEC-+
TION /
<P 24>
FOR ME; I ASSURE YOU, I NEVER SAID OR
DID ANY THING TO HEIGHTEN OR FOMENT IT, BUT
WHAT I DID FOR YOUR SAKE; WHICH WAS WRIT-+
ING / TO HER. FOR I WAS NEVER VAIN ENOUGH (AS
OTHERS ARE) TO ENCOURAGE PASSIONS IN WOMEN,
WHICH I COULD NEITHER GRATIFY IN MYSELF, NOR
REQUITE IN THEM. IN ORDER TO BE UNDERSTOOD,
WHEN I SAY I CORRESPONDED WITH HER FOR YOUR
SAKE; I MUST LET YOU KNOW, THAT WHEN HER
MOTHER DIED, (IN TENDERNESS TO WHOM SHE
HAD ALWAYS CONCEAL'D HER DISCONTENT) SHE TOLD
ME SHE HAD RESOLVED TO LIVE WITH YOU NO
LONGER. I REMONSTRATED UPON IT, AND OVER-+
RULED / HER PURPOSE. I TOLD HER, THO' I DID
NOT DOUBT OF HER HAVING VERY GOOD REASONS
FOR SUCH A RESOLUTION; THAT APPEARANCES,
UPON THOSE OCCASIONS, WERE GENERALLY AGAINST
THE WOMAN: THAT THEY MIGHT POSSIBLY AF-+
FECT / ME TOO; (TELLING HER WHAT HAD BEEN SAID
OF HER) AND THAT IF MY FATHER SHOULD EVER
SUSPECT ME OF BEING ACCESSARY TO HER SEPARA-+
TION, / HE WOULD NEVER FORGIVE ME. SHE MADE
ANSWER; (WITH THAT GENEROUS WARMTH,
WHICH ALWAYS ACCOMPANY'D EVERY THING SHE
SAID OR DID IN MY BEHALF) SHE WOULD DIE MUCH
RATHER THAN EVER HAVE SUCH A CONSCIOUSNESS
ABOUT HER: BUT TOLD ME AT THE SAME TIME,
THAT (BESIDES THE LOATHSOMNESS OF THE COM-+
PANY / SHE WAS TO KEEP AT MILDEN-HALL, WHICH
HAD HELP'D TO REDUCE HER TO WHAT I SAW) THE
AIR OF THE PLACE WAS VERY UNWHOLSOME, AND
SHE FEAR'D MIGHT SOME TIME OR OTHER PROVE FA-+
TAL / TO HER. THIS YOU MAY BE SURE, STRUCK A
<P 25>
LITTLE DAMP TO MY PLEADINGS. NEVERTHELESS,
SHE SAID IF I WOULD OBLIGE HER IN ONE THING,
SHE WOULD TRY IF SHE COULD NOT WEATHER ANO-+
THER / AUTUMN AT THAT DETESTABLE ABODE. I
CLOSED WITH THE CONDITION: WHICH WAS, THAT
I WOULD INFORM HER BY LETTER FROM TIME TO
TIME OF MY HEALTH AND WELFARE; WHICH
SHE CONFESS'D WERE OF GREATER IMPORTANCE TO
HER OWN, THAN SHE COULD TELL WITH DECENCY:
ADDING, THAT SHE STILL HOPED NOTHING SHE HAD
SAID, OR DONE, WOULD BE SO MISCONSTRUED BY
ME, AS TO BE DEEMED A FORFEITURE OF MY ES-+
TEEM; / WHICH SHE SHOULD EVER PREFER TO ALL
THIS WORLD COULD GIVE HER. AND THEN, AS
SHE HAD OFTEN DONE BEFORE, SHE BURSTED INTO
TEARS. THUS FAR I THINK I HAVE EXPLAIN'D
MYSELF TO YOU; THO' IF IT WERE TO YOU ONLY,
I SHOULD NOT THINK IT WORTH MY WHILE. I'LL
TELL YOU FARTHER; THAT, NEITHER IN THIS, NOR
ANY OTHER CONVERSATION I EVER HAD WITH HER;
THO' STRONGLY TEMPTED AS WELL BY GRATITUDE,
AS BY THAT TENDER COMPASSION I ALWAYS FELT
ABOUT MY HEART, WHENEVER I HEARD HER TALK;
DID I EVER MAKE HER ANY PROFESSION OR RETURN
OF LOVE; LEST I SHOULD CREATE IN HER ANY IM-+
PATIENCE / TO THROW OFF THE YOKE, WHICH HAD
SO LONG CHAFED HER POOR BROKEN SPIRIT: NOR
DID I EVER, TILL SHE WAS GOING ABROAD, TOUCH
EITHER HER LIPS OR HAND IN ALL MY LIFE. AS
THIS IS TRUE, SO HELP ME, AND SO JUDGE ME,
GOD! FOR I WOULD NEITHER CLEAR MYSELF, NOR
(THO' AT ENMITY WITH YOU) WOULD I BLACKEN
YOU, BY ANY FALSEHOOD OR INJUSTICE.
<P 26>
((NEC SI MISERUM FORTUNA SINONEM
FINXIT, VANUM ETIAM MENDACEMQUE IMPROBA
FINGET.))
<L 4>
I HAVE BEEN SO LONG DISORDER'D IN MY
HEAD, THAT PUTTING MY BRAIN IN MOTION IS AS
PAINFUL, AS IT WOULD BE TO MAKE A GOUTY MAN
DANCE. I AM MORE WEARY WITH WRITING,
THAN YOU CAN BE WITH READING; WHICH POSSI-+
BLY / YOU MAY THINK IS REPRESENTING MY GRIEF
WITH YET GREATER FORCE. HAD I NOT BEEN CON-+
FINED / BY SICKNESS, I SHOULD HAVE WANTED RE-+
SOLUTION / TO GO THROUGH WITH MY UNDERTAKING.
AND WAS I VISIONARY OR SUPERSTITIOUS, I SHOULD
BE APT TO THINK IT HAD BEEN JUDICIALLY INFLICTED
ON ME, (AS THE GHOST TELLS HAMLET) TO WHET
MY ALMOST BLUNTED PURPOSE. BUT TO PURSUE IT.
BEFORE I WENT TO SPA, BEFORE I WOULD CON-+
SENT / TO GO TO SPA WITH HER; I INSISTED (AS SHE
TELLS YOU) UPON THE EXPOSITION OF AN AMBI-+
GUOUS / PASSAGE IN ONE OF HER LETTERS TO YOU;
THE PURPORT OF WHICH WAS THIS. YOU KNOW I
AM THE ONLY WOMAN, IN MY CIRCUMSTANCES, WHO
WOULD HAVE BEHAVED TO YOU AS I HAVE DONE.
THIS INUENDO WAS, BY OTHER ANIMADVERTERS
ON IT, THOUGHT EQUAL TO ITS ANALYSIS: YET I,
WHO WAS DETERMINED NOT TO PROCEED UPON
PRESUMPTIONS OR SURMISES; BY PERSECUTING
HER WITH MY IMPORTUNACY, (THO' SHE OFTEN
PUT BY MY SUIT WITH SIGHS AND TEARS, AS
WAS NATURAL TO A WOMAN OF HER MODESTY) AT
LAST OBTAIN'D AN EXPLANATION OF IT. SHE AS-+
SURED / ME THAT YOU NEVER HAD HAD THE LEAST
<P 27>
KNOWLEDGE OF HER: AND THAT, ALTHO' SHE DE-+
SPISED / YOU FOR IT, SHE THOUGHT IT THE ONLY
HAPPY CIRCUMSTANCE OF HER WRETCHED LIFE.
AND SHE SEEM'D REALLY AS MUCH PLEASED WITH
THE DELIVERY OF HER SECRET, AS A POOR WOMAN,
AFTER AN HARD LABOUR, COULD BE WITH THE PRO-+
DUCTION / OF HER CHILD. YET I COULD NOT HELP
RECURRING TO IT AGAIN, AND ASKING SOME FARTHER
QUESTIONS IN AS DECENT TERMS AS I COULD FIND
TO EXPRESS MYSELF; WHICH, THO' THEY MADE
HER BLUSH (POOR WRETCH!) I REMEMBER MADE
HER LAUGH. WHAT! SAID I, DID HE NEVER AT-+
TEMPT / TO CONSUMMATE? DID HE NEVER TRY TO
PIN THE MATRIMONIAL BASKET? UPON WHICH,
SHE AVER'D TO ME, SHE COULD NOT CERTIFY YOU
WAS A MAN, IF SHE WERE CALL'D UPON FOR SUCH
AN ATTESTATION: THAT YOU ONCE MADE SOME LIT-+
TLE / FEINT TOWARDS JOINING OF YOUR PERSONS ON
THE WEDDING-NIGHT, AND THE NEXT MORNING
BEG'D PARDON FOR HER DISAPPOINTMENT; BUT,
FROM THAT TIME TOOK NO MORE NOTICE OF HER
THAN IF YOU HAD FORGOTTEN HER SEX: WHICH
PROBABLY, SIR, IF YOU DID NOT TAKE A PAIR OF
WHITE GLOVES TO BED WITH YOU, YOU NEVER
WAS AT ALL ACQUAINTED WITH. I DON'T WONDER
AT YOUR ASSERTING YOUR NATURAL RIGHTS WITH
SO MUCH WARMTH, IT SEEMS YOU HAVE SO FEW
TO SPARE.
BUT THERE WANTED NOT THIS AGGRAVATION OF
YOUR GUILT, TO MAKE THE MATCH BOTH UNAD-+
VISED /
<P 28>
AND UNWARRANTABLE. IT WAS CONDEMN'D
FROM THE BEGINING BY ALL THINKING AND SERIOUS
MEN; AND, AMONG THE LUDICROUS AND SARCASTI-+
CAL, / WAS A CONSTANT TOPIC OF RIDICULE. SOME
OF MY OLD FRIENDS AT BURY IN PARTICULAR, USED
TO MAKE THEMSELVES VERY MERRY AT YOUR EX-+
PENCE: / YET I PROTEST TO YOU I NEVER INDULGED
THEIR RAILLERY SO MUCH AS WITH A SMILE; BUT,
ON THE CONTRARY, OFTEN ENDEAVOUR'D TO OBVIATE
OR DIVERT IT. YOU THOUGHT, I SUPPOSE, SHE
WOULD NOT LIVE LONG; AND, AS SHE WAS AVERSE
TO THE ALLIANCE, THAT THE CONJUGAL DUTIES WOULD
BE EASILY REMMITED BY HER; AND WITH THANKS:
AS ALSO, THAT HER MODESTY, AND DELICACY,
WOULD HINDER HER FROM RESENTING, OR REVEAL-+
ING, / YOUR GROSS ABUSE OF HER. FOR I HAVE
BEEN PERSUADED LONG SINCE, THAT MODESTY AND
GENTLENESS ARE SO FAR FROM RECOMMENDING
MAN TO MAN, THAT THEY ARE BUT SO MANY TEMP-+
TATIONS / AND ENCOURAGEMENTS TO OTHERS, TO IN-+
SULT / AND OPPRESS HIM. IN MY OPINION, THE
MAN THAT TAKES A WOMAN, WHO HAS NOT MADE
THAT MAN HER CHOICE, IS IN FACT COMMITTING
BUT A LAWFUL SORT OF RAPE: TO WHICH INDEED
YOUR GUILT IS ANALOGOUS IN SOUND ONLY; FOR IT
MUST BE CONFESS'D, THAT YOUR ENORMITY WAS
NOT A RAPE, BUT RAPINE. ONE OF HER PARENTS
LIVED TO SEE HIS ERROR, AND TO FEEL IT'S CURSE:
IN TENDERNESS TO THE OTHER, WHO LOVED HER
MOST EXCESSIVELY, SHE KEPT SECRET THE FATAL EF-+
FECTS / OF YOUR AVARICE, AND HER MISGUIDED CON-+
CERN, / IN THE MIS-JUDG'D PROVISION SHE HAD MADE
FOR HER HAPPINESS. FOR TILL HER MOTHER BE-+
CAME /
<P 29>
ACCOMPLICE IN THE CRUEL COMBINATION
AGAINST HER PEACE; I HAVE BEEN TOLD, BY THOSE
WHO LIVED WITH HER, THAT SHE WAS PROOF A-+
GAINST / ALL THE SOLLICITATIONS OF HER FATHER, AND
STOOD OUT INEXORABLY AGAINST THIS, (EVERY WAY)
UNNATURAL UNION OF YOU.
THIS SECRET WRESTED FROM HER, I THOUGHT
HER FREE, AND FOUND MYSELF SO: THO' I HAD
REFUSED A VERY CONSIDERABLE, AND ACCEPTABLE OF-+
FER, / IN ORDER TO PRESERVE THAT FREEDOM. UP-+
ON / HER RETURN FROM SPA, SHE WOULD HAVE CON-+
SULTED / ME ABOUT THE MEASURES TO BE TAKEN FOR
THE RECOVERY OF HER FORTUNE; OF WHICH SHE
MADE NO SCRUPLE TO SAY FREQUENTLY, AND BE-+
FORE / SOME OF YOUR RELATIONS, THAT YOU HAD
ROBB'D HER. I BEGG'D HOWEVER TO BE EXCUSED,
AND THAT I MIGHT BE ABLE TO AVER, WHATEVER
WAS THE ISSUE OF YOUR DIFFERENCE, I HAD BEEN
TOTALLY UNCONCERN'D IN IT. OTHERWISE, YOU
MAY BE SURE A VERY LITTLE INSTIGATION FROM ME
WOULD HAVE DETERMIN'D HER TO CARRY INTO EX-+
ECUTION, / THE PURPOSE SHE HAD ONCE CONCEIVED
TO SEEK HER REMEDY AT LAW. I KNOW NOT
HOW TO ASSEVERATE, NOR AM I ANY GREAT FA-+
VOURER / OF YOUR VEHEMENT ASSEVERATORS; (THO'
I FIND THE PROPENSITY OF IT VERY NATURAL TO AN
HEART A LITTLE INFLAMED) BUT IF THIS BE NOT
TRUE, MAY I NEVER HAVE THE LEAST LOVE OR CRE-+
DIT / AMONG MEN; AND I WOULD MUCH RATHER
FOREGO LIFE, THAN FORFEIT MY TITLE TO SO VA-+
LUABLE / POSSESSIONS. I TOLD HER THAT, IF SHE
WOULD POINT OUT TO ME HOW I MIGHT BE ANY
WAY INSTRUMENTAL IN MAKING HER HAPPY, I
<P 30>
SHOULD THINK MYSELF MORE OBLIGED TO HER,
THAN I HAD EVER BEEN IN ALL MY LIFE: AND THAT
NOTWITHSTANDING IT WAS NOT IN THE POWER OF
HEAVEN TO MAKE ME SO; (UNLESS IT BEGAN BY
RESTORING ME TO MYSELF) YET SO PLEASING A CON-+
SCIOUSNESS / MIGHT MAKE ME AT LEAST FORGET SOME
PART OF MY SORROWS. SHE SUGGESTED TO ME
THE MEANS; AND I EMBRACED THEM WITH THE
SAME ALACRITY, THAT SHE WOULD HAVE SNATCH'D
ANY OPPORTUNITY OF PROMOTING MY FELICITY.
TO YOUR ETERNAL CONFUSION AND REPROACH, I
AM VERY WELL PERSUADED THAT SHE WAS CAPABLE
OF BEARING CHILDREN; AND BEING HERSELF AN
ONLY CHILD, THE DESIRE OF HAVING AN HEIR WAS
THE MOST NATURAL OF ALL HUMAN WISHES. AT
THE SAME TIME I AM CONVINCED, IF SHE COULD
HAVE CONCEIVED LIKE THE CHINESE VIRGIN, BY
SMELLING TO A ROSE, SHE WOULD HAVE BEEN AS
WELL PLEASED WITH HER PREGNANCY, AS IF SHE
HAD OWED IT TO MORE NATURAL MEANS. THERE
NEVER WAS, FROM THE INFANCY OF OUR ATTACH-+
MENT, / THE LEAST GROUND FOR A SUSPICION OF ANY
IMPURE OR ILLICIT LOVE. FOR SHE WAS SO TO-+
TALLY / SUBDUED BOTH IN FLESH AND SPIRIT, WHILST
SHE LIVED WITH YOU; THAT HER CONSTITUTION
COULD AS LITTLE TEMPT HER FROM WITHIN, AS HER
PERSON COULD TEMPT ME FROM WITHOUT. SHE
WAS PLAIN YOU KNOW; BUT YOUTH AND VIGOUR
NEVER LOVED BEAUTY HALF SO WELL, AS I, UNDER
ALL THE INFIRMITIES OF MIND AND BODY IT WAS POS-+
SIBLE / FOR HUMAN NATURE TO SUSTAIN, LOVED THAT
PLAINNESS. MOREOVER, I HAVE INTIMATED TO YOU
THAT I COULD HAVE BEEN VERY ADVANTAGEOUSLY, AND
<P 31>
AGREABLY MARRY'D; UPON WHICH THE FOLLOW-+
ING / QUESTION VERY NATURALLY ARISES. WHETHER
<P 31>
<L 3>
THE KNAVE OR THE FOOL WAS SO CONSUMMATED
IN ME, AS TO PREFER GUILT AND POVERTY, TO IN-+
NOCENCE / AND WEALTH: I BELIEVE THE MOST EMI-+
NENT / IDEOT IN THE UNIVERSE, WOULD QUICKLY SEE
THE ELIGIBLE PART OF SUCH AN ALTERNATIVE. BUT
ALAS! TO WHAT PURPOSE AM I RECOUNTING THESE
THINGS? TO WHAT END HAVE I DONE THEM? I
AM LEFT IN POSSESSION OF HER DEAR TANTALIZING I-+
MAGE / ONLY, AND YOU OF HER ESTATE. FOR WHAT
SHE HAS LEFT ME, I SHALL BE OBLIGED TO SELL WHEN
SIR THOMAS BERNEY DYES; AND IF YOU HAVE A
MIND TO BE THE PURCHASER, YOU MAY HAVE MY
SHARE FOR BETWEEN TWO AND THREE THOUSAND
POUNDS. WHEN I SAY THIS, YOU MUST NOT THINK
I MEAN TO DEPRETIATE HER BOUNTY; FOR HAD IT
BEEN GREATER, MY GRATITUDE COULD NOT HAVE
BEEN GREATER; IF IT HAD BEEN LESS, MY ACKNOW-+
LEDGMENTS / SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE SAME: FOR IT
WAS HER ALL; AND WHEN SHE GAVE IT, HER VERY
SOUL ACCOMPANY'D IT. I MENTION THESE THINGS
ONLY TO SHEW HOW GREATLY MY BEHAVIOUR IN
THIS AFFAIR HAS BEEN MISCONSTRUED; AND, IN CON-+
SEQUENCE / TO THOSE MISCONSTRUCTIONS, I SUPPOSE
EQUALLY MISREPRESENTED. AT THE SAME TIME,
SIR, I PRETEND TO NOT SAINT-LIKE INNOCENCE; FOR
I HAVE OBSERVED THAT TO PERSONATE THE SAINT;
IS EVER THE FIRST BUSINESS OF HIM WHO IS PLAY-+
ING / THE DEVIL. I WILL NEVER ENDEAVOUR TO
MAKE YOU OR ANY BODY ELSE BELIEVE, THAT I
HAVE A VIRTUE MORE, OR A FAILING LESS, THAN
IN TRUTH BELONGS TO ME. I HAVE DONE THINGS
<P 32>
I COULD WISH UNDONE: AND WILL NOT THEREFORE
SAY, THAT, DURING THE DELIRIUM OF MY ABAN-+
DON'D / YOUTH, A MAN WOULD HAVE ACTED PRU-+
DENTLY / TO HAVE TRUSTED HIS WIFE WITH ME;
BUT AT ANY TIME OF MY LIFE, IF AN INTIMATE AC-+
QUAINTANCE, / OR COMPANION ONLY, HAD TRUSTED ME
WITH HIS WIFE, HE MIGHT AS WELL HAVE APPRE-+
HENDED / AN INJURY FROM ABOVE. THESE THINGS,
SIR, ARE NOT ((GRATIS DICTA)), THEY ARE NOT ARBITRARY
ASSERTIONS; FOR I FLATTER MYSELF I COULD BRING AS
MANY SURETIES FOR MY TRUTH AND HONOUR AS
MOST MEN. NOR CAN MY ARROGATING TWO THINGS
SO ESSENTIAL TO MY REPUTATION (I HOPE)
GIVE ANY OFFENCE. SIMPLE FAME, AS IT IS CAL-+
LED / MAY BE VINDICATED AND ASSERTED BY EVERY
MAN, WITHOUT BREACH OF MODESTY. MY VE-+
RY / VALUABLE, AND MUCH LOVED FRIEND THE BI-+
SHOP / OF DERRY (TO WHOSE CARE OF ME LAST
YEAR I OWE MY LIFE) HAVING HINTED SOME OF
THE THINGS I HAVE BEEN MENTIONING, TO LORD
BERKLEY; HIS LORDSHIP WAS SO GRACIOUS TO
MAKE ANSWER. MY LORD, MR((.)) HERVEY ONE
DAY IN A VERY EARNEST AND EMPHATIC MANNER
TOLD ME SO HIMSELF; AND IF TWENTY PEOPLE WERE
NOW TO TELL ME THE CONTRARY, I WOULD NOT BE-+
LIEVE / THEM. I AM CERTAIN HIS LORDSHIP WILL
PARDON ME THIS USE OF HIS NAME, WHEN I TAKE
THE SAME OCCASION TO SAY HOW VERY PROUD I
AM OF HIS TESTIMONIAL. I DON'T REMEMBER
THAT MY MIND WAS EVER SO SENSIBLY GRATIFY'D:
FOR WE ARE NOT EFFECTUALLY FLATTER'D, BUT IN PRO-+
PORTION / TO THE VALUE WE OURSELVES SET UPON THE
<P 33>
THING ASCRIBED TO US. WERE I, FOR INSTANCE,
TO TELL A SERIOUS AND SENSIBLE MAN, THAT HE WAS
HANDSOME OR WELL MADE, I SHOULD IMAGINE HE
WOULD BE JUST AS WELL PLEASED, IF I HAD PAID
THE SAME COMPLIMENT TO ANY PART OF HIS AP-+
PAREL. /
MY DEAR FRIEND HAS OFTEN SAID, AND THERE
ARE MANY LIVING WITNESSES OF WHAT I SAY; THAT
I WAS MUCH THE BEST FRIEND YOU EVER HAD IN
ALL YOUR LIFE; AND I WAS UNDENIABLY SO, TILL
YOU FORCED ME TO BE YOUR ENEMY: WHICH AS
OFTEN AS I SERIOUSLY CONSIDER, I REALLY GROW SU-+
PERSTITIOUS, / AND LOOK UPON THE INCIDENT AS
SOMETHING PRETERNATURAL. THE INDISCRETION
IN YOUR MISUSAGE OF ME DOES NOT APPEAR TO
HAVE BEEN SPONTANEOUS; YOU MUST HAVE BEEN
IMPELL'D TO IT BY THE DEVIL, WHO, IN THE VUL-+
GAR / PHRASE, OWED YOU THIS SHAME. YOU ARE
NOW IN POSSESSION OF HER ESTATE, IN CONSEQUENCE
OF MY TENDERNESS AND SCRUPLES; CURSE ON ME
FOR MY FOLLY! WHICH AMONG MANY OTHER PRO-+
VOCATIONS / TO SUCH DESPERATE REFUGE, MAKES ME
DAILY WANT TO DO SOME VIOLENCE TO MY SELF.
I MUST PAUSE A LITTLE, FOR THE HEAT AND A-+
GITATION / WHICH THE CONFLICTING PASSIONS NOW A-+
BOUT / MY MIND CAUSE IN MY BLOOD AND BRAIN
ARE SO GREAT, THAT I'M AMAZED HOW I MAKE
ANY PROGRESS IN MY WORK. MY IDEAS PASS
IT IN SUCH HUDDLE-GROUPS, THAT TO DIGEST THE
MATTER FOR A SENTENCE OF ANY LENGTH, IS A LA-+
BOUR / TO ME, EQUAL TO WRITING A WHOLE LETTER,
TO ANOTHER BODY. AND YET THIS IS SOMETHING
<P 34>
GAIN'D: FOR, FOR EIGHT OR NINE YEARS PAST, IF MY
SALVATION COULD HAVE DEPENDED UPON MY DO-+
ING / ANY PART OF WHAT I HAVE NOW DONE, I HAD
NOT BEEN ABLE TO EARN IT.
HER PARENTS, I THINK, WERE SO PRUDENT TO
ASK HER ONCE, WHETHER HER INCLINATIONS WERE
ENGAGED ELSE-WHERE, BEFORE THEY FINALLY DE-+
TERMINED / TO GIVE HER PERSON WHERE THEY KNEW
THEY WERE NOT. HOWEVER THE POINT GAIN'D BY
THIS PRECAUTION WAS VERY INCONSIDERABLE. FOR,
THO' NEITHER YOU, NOR I, WAS IN POSSESSION OF
THEM AT THAT TIME; IT WAS NO SECURITY FOR A-+
NY / FUTURE EXEMPTION FROM SUCH A WOFUL DI-+
LEMMA. / AND, WHENEVER IT CAME TO BE THE CASE
EITHER OF HER, OR ANY OTHER WOMAN; THO' THEY
MIGHT HAVE TOO MUCH VIRTUE, AND HONOUR,
TO INDULGE THEMSELVES IN THE GRATIFICATION OF
SUCH ALIEN DESIRE; YET THE MAN HAS MADE A
WRETCH OF THAT WOMAN, WHO IS SHEWING HIM
THIS UNDESERV'D MERCY. WOMEN, AS WELL AS
MEN, THAT HAVE GENEROUS AND RIGHT AFFECTIONS
ABOUT THEIR HEARTS, ARE NOT CONTENTED WITH
THEIR MOVING CONTRACTEDLY ROUND THEIR OWN
CENTRE, BUT ARE FULL OF IMPATIENCE AND LONGINGS
TO EXERT, AND FIX THEM, UPON SOME WORTHIER AND
NOBLER OBJECT THAN THE PITIFUL PUNY IDOL CALL'D
SELF: THO' ITS VOTARIES MAKE ONE OF THE MOST
NUMEROUS SECTS IN ALL THE WORLD; AND THEIR
PERSUASION SEEMS TO ME TO BID FAIR, IN SPITE OF
THE CHURCH OF ROME, TO BE THE TRUE CATHO-+
LIC / RELIGION. THO' I HOPE I SHALL ALWAYS BE
LOOK'D UPON AS AN HERETIC, YET IF THEY SHOULD
ESTABLISH AN ORDER OF KNIGHTHOOD, AND I
<P 35>
HAVE ANY FRIENDS AMONG THEM, YOU MAY DE-+
PEND / UPON MY INTEREST FOR BEING GRAND MAS-+
TER. / IT MUST BE CONFESS'D THAT THERE ARE TO
BE MET WITH IN OUR OWN REVEREND AND STU-+
PENDOUS / SYSTEM, DOCTRINES IN FAVOUR OF THIS
IDOLATRY: FOR DAVID SAYS; DO WELL UNTO
THY SELF, AND MEN WILL SPEAK GOOD OF THEE; BUT
THO' YOU HAVE RELIGIOUSLY OBSERVED THE MEANS,
YOU MUST GIVE ME LEAVE TO ASSURE YOU UPON MY
REPUTATION, YOU HAVE NOT ATTAIN'D THE END.
WE ALLOW YOU INDEED TO BE A MAN OF SENSE
AND KNOWLEDGE; BUT SAY, AT THE SAME TIME,
THAT A WELL-ENDOW'D MIND, MAKES NO AMENDS
FOR AN ILL-DISPOSED HEART; AND THAT A GOOD UN-+
DERSTANDING / IS SO FAR FROM HIDING A WEAK CON-+
DUCT, / THAT IT IS LIKE A FINE COAT UPON A DE-+
FORM'D / PERSON; WHICH ONLY SERVES TO MAKE
THE DEFECTS OF ITS WEARER MORE CONSPI-+
CUOUS. /
<L 20>
AS SOLOMON OBSERVES THAT IN THE MIDST OF
LAUGHTER THE HEART IS SORROWFUL, SO MINE
YOU SEE, SIR, IN THE MIDST OF SORROW WOULD
FAIN BE PLEASANT. FOR, AS I WAS VERY DESIROUS
TO RETAILIATE THE OUTRAGEOUS IRREGULARITY OF YOUR
FREEDOM WITH ME, I COULD THINK OF NOTHING
SO ANOMALOUS AND UNNATURAL, AS TO BE VERY
MERRY WITH YOU: TO EXTRACT MIRTH FROM A
GENTLEMAN OF YOUR PROFOUND WISDOM AND
GRAVITY, BEING A SORT OF DISPROOF OF AN AXIOM
IN PHILOSOPHY; WHICH SAYS, THAT NOTHING CAN
IMPART TO ANOTHER, WHAT IT HATH NOT IN ITSELF.
BUT I MUST BEG LEAVE ONCE MORE TO RESUME
<P 36>
THE SERIOUS; WHICH IS MORE AGREEABLE TO THE
NATURE OF MY SUBJECT, AS WELL AS TO MY OWN.
I AM UTTERLY AT A LOSS TO CONJECTURE BY
WHAT ATTEMPTS YOU WILL ENDEAVOUR TO COVER
OR ELUDE THIS HEAVY CHARGE. YOU HAVE MUCH
TO ANSWER FOR, AS SHE OBSERVED: FOR IF, AFTER
THE CRUEL PENANCE YOU HAD INFLICTED UPON HER
FOR TWELVE YEARS, YOU HAD BEHAVED RIGHTLY TO
HER BUT IN THE END; SHE MIGHT HAVE STILL BEEN
LIVING, AND I BEEN BLESS'D. IF DEATH BE PRE-+
FERABLE / TO LIFE DISTEMPER'D WITH ADVERSITY;
IF A PAINFUL BEING BE WORSE THAN NO BEING;
AS THEY INDISPUTABLY ARE; HE WHO HAS GIVEN
THAT PAIN, IS SO MUCH WORSE THAN A MURDERER.
THIS EXPRESSION SOUNDS HARSH, BUT YOU WILL
FIND THE LOGIC STRICT AND BINDING; AND AS IT IS
A GENERAL POSITION, 'TIS VERY DEFENSIBLE. SHE
UTTER'D NOT HER GRIEF, 'TIS TRUE: BUT DID YOU
THINK BECAUSE SHE NEVER MURMUR'D, THAT SHE
NE'ER REPINED? GREAT MINDS BEAR AFFLICTION SI-+
LENTLY, / BUT THEY BEAR IT HARDLY. THEY KNOW
HOW FEW, HOW VERY FEW ARE SUSCEPTIBLE OF
ANY REAL COMPASSION; THEY KNOW TOO, WHERE
IT IS BESTOW'D WITH THE GREATEST SINCERITY, HOW
UNPROFITABLE A BOUNTY 'TIS. HAD SHE BEEN THE
WORST, INSTEAD OF BEING THE BEST WOMAN IN
THE WORLD, THE PART YOU HAVE ACTED HAD BEEN
UNPARDONABLE. BUT SHE WAS LOVING, LOVELY,
GENTLE, GENEROUS, AND DISPASSIONATE; AND THE
ELEMENTS SO MIX'D IN HER, THAT SHE SEEM'D AS
IF SENT FOR A PATTERN OF WHAT WOMEN OUGHT
TO BE, AND TO HAVE BEEN RESUMED AGAIN FOR WANT
OF COPYERS. THE DESPERATE CONDITION IN WHICH
<P 37>
SHE FOUND AND LEFT ME, DID NOT INDEED ADMIT
OF HER MAKING ME COMPLETELY HAPPY, IF SHE
HAD HAD THE POWER OF HEAVEN: BUT IF THERE
HAD BEEN LEFT IN ME A CAPACITY FOR HAPPINESS,
HEAVEN ITSELF COULD NOT HAVE MADE ME MUCH
HAPPIER THAN SHE . THE CONVERSATION OF A SIN-+
CERE, / AN HONEST, AND WELL-INFORM'D MIND, IS
A MOST EXQUISITE ENJOYMENT: AND RARE AS SUCH
ENDOWMENTS ARE KNOWN TO BE IN THE WORLD,
I HAD BEEN SO FORTUNATE TO KNOW WHERE TO
LOOK FOR THEM, AND, BY HER HELP, WHERE TO
FIND THEM. SUCH LOVE OF TRUTH, AND BENE-+
VOLENCE / OF TEMPER, I NEVER SAW: AND IT BE-+
CAME, / I MAY SAY IT BEHOOVED ME, TO PAY A
MORE THAN ORDINARY REGARD TO THESE PERFEC-+
TIONS, / BECAUSE I HAVE EVER LOOK'D UPON THEM,
IN SPITE OF THE SCHOOLMENS CATALOGUE, AS THE
TRUE CARDINAL VIRTUES. I NEVER SAID ANY THING
OF THIS KIND BEFORE HER FACE; BECAUSE SHE WAS
BETTER PLEASED TO KNOW MY SENSE OF HER ME-+
RIT, / BY MY BEHAVIOUR TO HER; WHICH WAS A
CONSTANT, AND ALMOST TOTAL, APPLICATION OF
MY TIME, AND THOUGHTS, TO THE MEANS OF
MAKING HER HAPPY. AND IF HAPPINESS HAD
BEEN MATTER OF CLAIM, I MIGHT SAY SHE HAD A
RIGHT TO BE HAPPY; BECAUSE SHE CONTRIBUTED
TO THE EASE, THE PLEASURE, AND FELICITY, OF
EVERY CREATURE THAT CAME WITHIN THE REACH OR
INFLUENCE OF HER BENIGNITY. SHE NOT ONLY NE-+
VER / DECLINED, BUT I BELIEVE NEVER OVER-LOOK'D,
AN OPPORTUNITY OF PLEASING, OBLIGING, OR AC-+
COMMODATING / ANY OF HER ACQUAINTANCE. SUCH
INCLINATIONS ARE NOT OFTEN KNOWN TO HEARTS AT
<P 38>
EASE; THE MERIT OF 'EM IN HER WAS THEREFORE
INESTIMABLE. IT IS NOT TO BE CONCEIVED, WHAT
STABILITY OF TEMPER, WHAT UNCOMMON POR-+
TIONS / OF VIRTUE AND EQUANIMITY ARE REQUIRED,
TO CALL THE MIND TO AN ATTENTION TO THE PLEA-+
SURES / AND INTERESTS OF OTHERS, WHEN IT IS LA-+
BOURING / UNDER PRESSURES OF ITS OWN. THAT
PART OF HER DISPOSITION MORE IMMEDIATELY RE-+
LATIVE / TO HER MANNERS, WAS PERFECT BEYOND
IMITATION OR EXPRESSION: FOR THEY WERE EX-+
ACTLY / POLITE, WITHOUT THE LEAST TANG OF AFFEC-+
TATION / OR CEREMONY; AND RIGIDLY DECENT,
WITHOUT ANY CONSTRAINT EITHER TO HERSELF OR
HER COMPANY. WHAT HER MANNERS WERE IN
RESPECT OF HER EQUALS; HER TEMPER WAS WITH
REGARD TO HER SERVANTS AND DEPENDENTS. FOR
GALL'D AS SHE WAS WITH DISEASE, AND DISQUIETED
WITH CARE, WHEN THE WEAK AND DEPRAVED PAR-+
TICLES / IN OUR NATURES ARE MOST APT TO SHEW
THEMSELVES; I CAN SWEAR THAT IN ALL MY KNOW-+
LEDGE / OF HER (EXCEPTING ONCE ON MY OWN AC-+
COUNT) / I NEVER SAW HER KINDLE INTO THE LEAST
BLAST OF ANGER, OR APPEARANCE OF ILL-HUMOUR:
HER RULE BEING (AS WAS SAID OF MR((.)) COWLEY)
NEVER TO REPREHEND ANY BODY, BUT BY THE SILENT
REPROOF OF A BETTER PRACTICE. AN EASY AND AN
EVEN TEMPER IS VERY PLEASING, WHERE IT IS
MERELY CONSTITUTIONAL: BUT WHEN IT RESULTS
FROM A GOOD UNDERSTANDING, AND CONTINUES
DAILY TO BE GOVERN'D BY PRINCIPLES OF REASON
AND HUMANITY, IT GROWS MERITORIOUS: AND,
AS IT IS WITH WEALTH, THE POSSESSOR MAY BE
MORE PROUD OF WHAT HE HAS PARTLY ACQUIRED,
<P 39>
THAN THAT WHICH HE HAD WHOLLY BY INHERI-+
TANCE. / UPON THE CREDIT OF THESE EXALTED VIR-+
TUES, / I SHOULD HOPE TO BE BELIEVED WHEN I
SPEAK OF HER ENTIRE EXEMPTION FROM ALL THE
WEAKNESSES AND VICES SO COMMON TO OUR NA-+
TURE. / FOR, THO' THE WORLD AFFORDS MANY EX-+
AMPLES / OF LITTLE VIRTUES, AND GREAT FAILINGS,
MEETING IN THE SAME PERSON; AND NUMBERLESS
INSTANCES OF GREAT VIRTUES AND LITTLE FAILINGS;
YET I BELIEVE THERE WAS SCARCE EVER KNOWN
ONE OF VERY GREAT VIRTUES, AND VERY GREAT
VICES DWELLING TOGETHER. SUCH AN UNION, SIR,
WERE ALTOGETHER AS UNNATURAL AS THAT OF AN OLD
MAN, WITH A YOUNG WOMAN; OR OF AN IMPO-+
TENT / ONE, WITH ANY WOMAN. IF I AM WELL
FOUNDED IN THIS PROPOSITION, AS I VERILY THINK
I AM, I MUST BEG YOU WILL OBSERVE, THAT THERE
IS A SECOND INFERENCE DEDUCIBLE, FROM IT: WHICH
IS, THAT AS GREAT VIRTUES ARE NEVER ACCOMPA-+
NY'D / WITH GREAT VICES, SO GREAT VICES ARE AS
SELDOM ACCOMPANY'D WITH GREAT VIRTUES. BY
VICES HERE I WOULD BE UNDERSTOOD TO MEAN,
ANY UNTOWARD, MALIGNANT, OR DEPRAVED AFFEC-+
TIONS / OF THE MIND; SUCH THINGS AS HAVE IN
THEM ANY MORAL TURPITUDE: FOR AS CUSTOM
CONFOUNDS WORDS, SO THE IRREGULAR USE OF
THOSE WORDS MUST IN ITS TURN CONFOUND OUR
IDEAS. THE LITTLE SOCIAL OFFENCES AND IRREGU-+
LARITIES / WE ARE HURRY'D INTO BY ANY NATURAL
PASSION, OR BY SOME EXTERNAL IMPULSE OR AL-+
LUREMENT; / SHOULD I THINK COME UNDER A MILDER
DENOMINATION, AND BE CALL'D FOLLIES ONLY.
I HOPE I SHALL NOT FOR THIS COMPARISON BETWEEN
<P 40>
THE GUILT OF IMMORAL VICES, WITH THE DE-+
MERIT / OF SOCIAL TRESPASSES, INCUR THE SUSPICION
OF BEING AN ADVOCATE FOR EITHER; FOR I THINK
THE MOST TRIVIAL, OR VENIAL OF THEM, OUGHT TO
BE PROPERLY DISCOUNTENANCED AND RESTRAIN'D.
I HAVE BEEN CARRY'D AWAY BY THE LUXURI-+
ANCY / OF MY SPECULATIONS, TO THINGS A LITTLE FO-+
REIGN / TO MY PURPOSE. BUT BY THIS CHARACTER
OF MY DEAR (I KNOW NOT WHAT TO ADD) YOU
MAY SEE I THINK I HAD FOUND
THE FAULTLESS MONSTER THAT THE WORLD
NE'ER SAW.
AND I ASSURE YOU I WAS NOT SINGLE IN MY OPI-+
NION. / SHE HAD A FEW, BUT WELL CHOSEN
FRIENDS, WHO I AM PERSUADED WILL ATTEST THE
TRUTH OF WHAT I HAVE SAID OF HER, WITHOUT
MY CALLING UPON THEM TO BE VOUCHERS FOR IT.
WHAT IS MORE; I EVER HAD SUCH NOTIONS OF
THE INFINITE DIVERSIFICATIONS OF NATURE IN HU-+
MAN / CONSTITUTIONS, THAT I WAS NOT IN THE LEAST
SURPRISED WHEN I FOUND HER. NOR WOULD IT BE
A MOMENT'S WONDER TO ME, IF I WERE TO MEET
WITH THE ENTIRE REVERSE OF HER TO-MORROW.
BUT PERDITION, ETERNAL PERDITION ON ME, IF I
WOULD NOT UNDERGO, OR FOREGO, MORE THAN
ENTHUSIASTIC HERMIT EVER DID TO RECOMMEND
HIMSELF TO HIS GOD, TO BE POSSESS'D OF HER
EQUAL. AND YET I SHOULD IMPOSE UPON YOU,
TO TELL YOU THAT I HAVE YET FELT THE LOSS OF HER
AS I OUGHT TO FEEL, AND HEREAFTER SHALL FEEL IT.
I PERCEIVE INDEED A DISAPPEARANCE OF THE ONLY
<P 41>
THING ON WHICH I COULD EVER REST AN HOPE OF
ANY HAPPINESS, IN ALL MY LIFE; BUT WHEN SHE
DIED, MY MIND WAS SO BIG WITH WOE, AND
MY BRAIN SO INFLAMED WITH THE RESENTMENT OF
IT, THAT I HAD NOT ROOM FOR ANY NEW OR ACCES-+
SORY / SORROW. 'TIS TRUE I CAN PERCEIVE MY
HEART SWELL, AND MY EYES GUSH, WITH BUT SEE-+
ING / HER HAND ON A PIECE OF PAPER; BUT THIS IS
NOT THE THING. THE LOSS OF SUCH A FRIEND
IS A GRIEF OF REASON, NOT OF PASSION; AND
REASON BEING FLED, THE SENSORY IS LOST. IF I
SHOULD ONCE AGAIN RESUME MYSELF, ONCE MORE
BE BLESS'D WITH THAT ENTIRE REDINTEGRATION OF
MYSELF, OF WHICH I HAVE AS HIGH A CONCEIT AS
MONKS OF PARADISE; AND RETIRE TO SUCH SCENES,
AND PATHS OF LIFE, AS UNDER NATURE'S GUIDANCE,
AND IN A STATE OF FREEDOM, I SHOULD HAVE
SHOULD BE CAUTIOUS OF SAYING ANY THING MY
FIRST SOUGHT, AND EVER LOVED: IT WILL BE THEN,
AND THERE, THAT I SHALL TRULY LAMENT THE LOSS
OF HER INVALUABLE SOCIETY. FOR AMIABLE, THAT
COMPREHENSIVE CHARACTERISTIC, WAS NEVER
MORE DUE TO ANY HUMAN CREATURE THAN TO HER.
THE TRIBUTE OF THESE PRAISES SO NATURALLY CO-+
INCIDES / WITH MY CHIEF AIM IN WRITING THIS LET-+
TER, / THAT IF THEY DO NOT PLEASE, SURELY THEY CAN-+
NOT / OFFEND ANY BODY. THEY ARE AS DUE TO THE
VIRTUES OF A PRIVATE LIFE, AS TO THOSE OF GREAT-+
ER / ECLAT; BEING MORE EASILY IMITIATED, AND IMI-+
TABLE BY MORE THAN THOSE OF PERSONS IN HIGH
RANK AND STATION. TO THIS MAY BE ADDED
ANOTHER ENHANCEMENT OF THEIR MERIT, WHICH IS,
THAT THE MOTIVES TO THEM ARE PURE AND SIMPLE,
WHEREAS THE OTHERS ARE OFTEN MIX'D AND COM-+
CAPABLE OF BEING IMPOSED UPON ME, I
HEART DID NOT AVOW ME IN; FOR I HAVE ALWAYS
LOOK'D UPON FLATTERY AS THE MOST ABJECT OF
PLICATED. /
<P 42>
EVEN THEIR POOR ENCOMIAST HAS THIS
ADVANTAGE OVER OTHER PANEGYRISTS, THAT HE IS
LESS SUSPECTABLE OF ANY BY-ENDS OR ADULA-+
TION / IN WHAT HE SAYS. AND INDEED IF IT WERE
THE DEITY OF WHOM I SPOKE, AND THAT DEITY
ALL PROSTITUTION. YET I FEAR THESE TESTI-+
MONIES / I HAVE BORNE TO A CHARACTER ON WHICH
I SHALL EVER REFLECT WITH THE UTMOST VENERA-+
TION, / WILL BE REGARDED BUT AS THE OVERFLOW-+
INGS / OF A GRATEFUL HEART, OR THE HYPERBOLES, OF
A BIGOTED FRIEND: BUT, AS YOU YOURSELF CAN
WITNESS, IT IS NOT SO, I DID NOT ASCRIBE THESE
VENERABLE QUALITIES TO HER BECAUSE SHE WAS
MY FRIEND, BUT I MADE HER MY FRIEND, BE-+
CAUSE / SHE HAD THE QUALITIES. THAT I HAD GREAT
OBLIGATIONS TO HER IS TRUE; AND THAT PARTICULAR
MERIT MIGHT HAVE CHALLENGED AND PRODUCED IN
ME ALL TOKENS AND EFFECTS OF A MOST ARDENT
LOVE AND ESTEEM; YET NOT THE THINGS THEM-+
SELVES; / WHICH MUST BE ALWAYS THE RESULT OF
A GENERAL ONE. FOR IF IT BE ONCE ADMITTED
THAT ANY THING BUT INTRINSIC WORTH IS A SUITA-+
BLE / FOUNDATION FOR FRIENDSHIP, I DO NOT SEE
WHY THERE MAY NOT BE AS EMINENT EXAMPLES OF
IT IN NEWGATE, AS IN ANY OTHER SCENES OF LIFE.
BY INTRINSICK WORTH IS TO BE UNDERSTOOD AN
ASSEMBLAGE OF GOOD-NATURE, TEMPER, TRUTH,
AND HONOUR; FOR WIT AND BEAUTY, KNOW-+
LEDGE / AND POLITENESS OF MANNERS ARE NOT TO BE
<P 43>
WE CALL FINISHING IN ARTIFICIAL STRUCTURES. I
MIGHT BRING IN AID AND CONFIRMATION OF THIS
OPINION, THE GENERAL REMARK THAT WE VERY
RARELY SEE A FIRM, EQUAL, AND LASTING FRIEND-+
SHIP: / AND WHY? WHY BECAUSE THOSE CAPRI-+
CIOUS / ATTACHMENTS AND FELLOWSHIPS WE SEE
FROM DAY TO DAY CONTRACTING, AND OFTEN U-+
SURPING / THE NAME OF FRIENDSHIP, HAVE NOT
THAT FUNDAMENTAL WHICH I REQUIRE. IF THERE
BE THIS DEFICIENCY IN EITHER OF THE CONTRACTING
PARTIES, THE COMPACT BREAKS OF ITSELF. AND
FOR THE VERY SAME REASON IT IS, THAT WE SEE
SO FEW PEOPLE HAPPY IN THE MARRIAGE STATE:
BECAUSE THERE MUST MEET IN TWO PERSONS, SO
CONFEDERATED, ALL THOSE WINNING QUALITIES, AND
ENDEARING QUALIFICATIONS, WHICH ARE RARELY TO
BE FOUND IN ONE.
HAVING NOW FULFILLED MY CHIEF DESIGN IN
WRITING TO YOU, I SHALL SOON RELEASE YOU: BUT
MUST BEG LEAVE TO CLOSE WITH THIS OBSERVATION,
NATURALLY ARISING FROM WHAT I FEEL AT THE TIME
OF MAKING IT. THAT, IF INSTEAD OF HAVING FA-+
VOUR'D / AND BEFRIENDED YOU, I HAD BEEN AN A-+
VOW'D / AND MOST INJURIOUS ENEMY, YOU HAD DONE
A MOST MERCILESS AND SAVAGE THING, WHELM'D
AS I AM UNDER VARIETY OF AFFLICTIONS, TO HAVE
THROWN NOW FUEL INTO MY MIND TO INFLAME AND
AGITATE IT. TO BEAR ABOUT A DISTURB'D MIND,
IN A DISTEMPER'D BODY, IS THE CONSUMMATION
OF HUMAN MISERY. YET THIS HATH LONG BEEN
MY CONDITION; AGGRAVATED BY THE CONSCIOUS-+
NESS /
<P 44>
OF SUCH A CAPACITY IN MYSELF FOR HAP-+
PINESS / AS SCARCE ANY MAN WAS EVER BLESS'D WITH.
IF THERE BE THAT COMMUNION BETWEEN GOD
AND HIS CREATURE, BELIEVED BY MANY, AND SO
DEVOUTLY TO BE WISH'D BY ALL; I CONCLUDE HE
WILL HEAR A SINCERE AND EARNEST APPLICATION TO
HIM FROM A CHAMBER, AS SOON AS FROM A
CHURCH, OR IN THE STREET, AS WELL AS IN EITHER.
AND I DESIRE HIM MOST SOLEMNLY, TO DEAL WITH
ME HERE AND HEREAFTER ACCORDING TO THE TRUTH
OF WHAT I AM GOING TO SAY, VIZ((.)) THAT IN
ONE OR TWO AND TWENTY YEARS I HAVE NEVER
BEEN IN A NATURAL STATE OF MIND OR BODY: IN
OTHER WORDS; I HAVE NOT BEEN IN ALL THAT
TIME ONE HOUR OUT OF PAIN, OR IN THE CALM
POSSESSION OF MY UNDERSTANDING. I WAS THUS
UNHING'D BEFORE I WAS TWENTY YEARS OLD; AND
HAVE BEEN NO MORE ACCOUNTABLE FOR MY OWN
MOTIONS EVER SINCE, THAN AN ((IGNIS FATUUS));
THEY HAVE BEEN ALL AS IRREGULAR AND INVOLUNTA-+
RY; / AND ONLY IRREGULAR, FROM BEING INVOLUN-+
TARY. / EVERY STEP I NOW SET IN THE DAY,
IS LIKE THE MOTION OF A FEVERISH MAN IN THE
NIGHT; WHO IS CONTINUALLY CHANGING HIS PLACE
AND POSTURE, IMPATIENT EVER OF THE PRESENT,
EASY IN NONE. FOR THESE NINE YEARS LAST PAST,
IN PARTICULAR, I HAVE SUFFER'D TOMENT ENOUGH
FOR THE AUTHOR OF MAN'S FALL; AND AM FULL
OF SUCH A MALIGNANT INDIGNATION AT THE CAUSES
OF IT, THAT, WITH ONCE AS MUCH PHILANTHROPY
ABOUT ME AS WAS EVER KNOWN TO HUMAN HEART,
I FIND MYSELF DEGENERATED INTO AN ARRANT TI-+
MON. /
<P 45>
I HAVE HAD MY SHARE OF MOST OF THE
ACUTE DISEASES INCIDENTAL TO HUMAN NATURE;
BUT THEY ARE PLEASURABLE SENSATIONS, COM-+
PARED / TO THE PANGS AND ANGUISH I AM
SPEAKING OF; WHICH I DEFY HELL TO AGGRAVATE,
OR HEAVEN (ALMOST) TO RECOMPENCE. HAD
I BEEN PERSUADED THAT I WAS EARNING ETERNAL
LIFE BY THEM, I COULD NOT HAVE BEEN BROUGHT
TO ANY CONSIDERATION, OR ACKNOWLEDGMENT OF
MY WAGES: LONG SINCE SO WEARY OF BEING,
THAT IF I HAD THOUGHT MY CHANCES FOR HAPPI-+
NESS / IN A FUTURE STATE HAD BEEN AS A MILLION
TO ONE, I SHOULD HAVE DREADED ANOTHER EXIS-+
TENCE. / I HAVE LAIN AWAKE FROM TWO OR THREE
NIGHTS TO TWO OR THREE MONTHS TOGETHER; AS
MUCH SO, AS I AM AT THIS MOMENT; WITHOUT
ANY MORE DISPOSITION TO SLEEP, THAN IF THERE
HAD BEEN NO SUCH POWER IN NATURE. WHEN
I HAVE SLEPT, I CANNOT SAY I RESTED; 'TWAS LIKE
THE SUSTENANCE ALLOWED BY TYRANTS TO SLAVES
CONDEMN'D TO TORTURES, BARELY SUFFICIENT TO
PROLONG MY PAINS. IN THIS CALAMITOUS STATE,
THE ONLY MEANS OF RELIEF WERE, EITHER TO RE-+
TIRE / FOR SOME TIME FROM THE WORLD, IN ORDER
TO REINSTATE AND REPAIR THE MAN; OR ENTIRELY
TO SET HIM FREE, BY A FINAL RIDDANCE OF IT.
BUT UNHAPPILY, OF THESE TWO DOORS, THE CIR-+
CUMSTANCES / OF MY FORTUNE HAD SHUT THE ONE, NA-+
TURE / AND HONOUR HAD BARR'D THE OTHER. ELSE THE
MOST EASY HOUR I HAVE SPENT IN EIGHT OF THESE
NINE YEARS, I COU'D HAVE PUT A PISTOL TO MY
HEAD, OR A DAGGER IN MY HEART, AND LOOKED
ON DEATH WITH MORE COMPLACENCY, AND GREATER
<P 46>
AVIDITY, THAN YOU COULD LOOK ON MAMMON.
TO HAVE PAST THE VERTICLE POINT OF LIFE, WITH-+
OUT / ANY PERCEPTION, ANY REMEMBRANCER BUT
PAIN, OF THE DEGREES BY WHICH I HAVE REACH'D
THAT PERIOD; TO BE OLD, WITHOUT EVER HAVING
BEEN YOUNG; TO HAVE BEEN LITERALLY DYING DAI-+
LY, / (AS ST((.)) PAUL SAYS) BY DAILY WISHING TO
DIE; TO HAVE LAID IN NOTHING TO MAKE ME OF
ANY USE TO MYSELF OR OTHERS, AND TO BE DISPOS-+
SESS'D / OF ALL THE POWERS OF GIVING ANY PLEASURE
TO MYSELF OR OTHERS, ARE MELANCHOLY REFLEC-+
TIONS, / BUT MORE HORRIBLE SENSATIONS. YET I
HAVE BORNE MY FORTUNE PATIENTLY, AND RESISTED
IT, MANFULLY: BUT THAT CONSTANT CONFLICT WITH
IT, AND RESENTMENT OF IT, HARRASS ME AS MUCH
AS MY DISTEMPER; AND MY POOR CRAZY CAR-+
CASS, / IS IN THE FORLORN CASE OF A THIRD PERSON
PARTING TWO SCUFFLERS, AS LONG AS ANY LITTLE
VIGOUR OF BODY REMAINS, IT HELPS A WRETCH
TO DIVERT OR TO BEGUILE THE GRIEFS OF HIS MIND;
AND SO, TILL HE IS BROKEN IN MIND, HE IS ENA-+
BLED / BY THAT TO COMBAT AND SUSTAIN THE EVILS
OF THE BODY; BUT WHEN BOTH ARE ENTIRELY SUB-+
DUED, / THERE IS NO REFUGE, NO SUPPORT. WHEN
WE SEE A MAN SUBMIT TOO MUCH IN ORDER TO
REMOVE HIS GRIEFS, WE MAY CONCLUDE HE FEELS
MUCH: AND I HAVE LIVED AN HOURLY SLAVE TO
MY INFIRMITIES FOR MANY YEARS, AND DO SO
STILL. INSOMUCH, THAT IF I RECOVER, THE MEANS
ARE SO VERY TEDIOUS AND UNPALATABLE; I MAY
SAY IN THE LAW-PHRASE, I HAVE SUFFER'D A RE-+
COVERY. / BUT THE LABOURS OF SISYPHUS, OR A
DOG IN A WHEEL, WERE PROFITABLY SPENT COM-+
PARED /
<P 47>
TO MINE; FOR IF THEY GAIN NO GROUND,
AT LEAST THEY LOSE NONE; BUT I WAS DAILY RE-+
TROGRADE: / THE EFFECT OF ONE NIGHT'S DISTEM-+
PERATURE / LIKE MINE, IS THE CAUSE OF ANOTHER;
AND SO DISEASE, LIKE A KIND OF INTEREST CON-+
VERTED / INTO PRINCIPAL, WAS CONSTANTLY ACCUMU-+
LATING / ON ME. YET ALL THIS TIME I NEVER SPOKE,
UNLESS PROVOKED OR URGED TO IT BY RAILLERY
OR INSULT; WHICH MISERY YOU MAY BE SURE I
COULD BUT ILL BROOK. FOR WHAT HAS BEEN IM-+
POSED / AND PRACTISED UPON ME, I MUST, IN
JUSTICE TO THE DOERS, OWN, I AM CERTAIN WOU'D
NOT HAVE BEEN INFLICTED ON AN HORSE, IF THE
BEAST COULD HAVE COMPLAIN'D. BUT COMPLAIN-+
ING / WAS ALWAYS A LITTLE REPUGNANT TO MY NA-+
TURE, / AND MORE SO TO MY REASON. 'TIS
WEAK AND IMPERTINENT TO IMPART OUR GRIEFS
WHERE THEY ARE NOT PITY'D, AND IT IS CRUEL
WHERE THEY ARE: PERSONS INDIFFERENT TO US ARE
NOT SUSCEPTIBLE OF THE SYMPATHY; OUR FRIENDS
WE SHOULD SPARE THE PAIN OF IT. IF I COULD
HAVE COMPLAIN'D OF ANY THING, I SHOULD HAVE
MURMURR'D AT THE UNNATURAL TREATMENT OF
MY FRIENDS UNDER MY AFFLICTION, WHO HAVE
OFTEN WOUNDED ME SORELY. HOW DIFFERENTLY
ARE WE MADE? I SEE OTHERS DISCOMPOSED IN THEIR
TURN; AND YET SO MUCH MORE CONSIDERATE AND
TENDER AM I IN THIS POINT; THAT IF IT BE BUT
THE CASUALTY OF A DAY, OR THE EFFECT OF HU-+
MOUR, / I SCARCE EVER LOOK TOWARDS THEM; LEST
IT SHOULD HURT THEM TO PERCEIVE 'TIS TAKEN NO-+
TICE / OF. I HAVE SCARCE AN ACQUAINTANCE WHOSE
COMPANY I HAVE NOT QUITTED WITH A RESOLU-+
TION /
<P 48>
NEVER TO GO INTO IT AGAIN, TILL HE WAS
WISER, OR I WAS HAPPIER. AT THE SAME TIME
I HAVE MET WITH GREAT INDULGENCE, I CONFESS,
IN PUBLIC: WHERE MY COMPANIONS HAVE BEEN
SO GOOD, WHEN I HAVE CAUGHT THEIR EYES UPON
ME, IMMEDIATELY TO TURN THEM OFF; COMMON
SENSE TELLING THEM, THAT AS OFTEN AS THEY SEEM'D
TO OBSERVE, WHAT I WAS GENERALLY LABORING
TO CONCEAL, THEY MUST NECESSARILY DISCONCERT OR
CONSTRAIN ME. FOR IN THE HEIGHT OF MY DIS-+
ORDER, / SIR, I WAS GROWN AS JEALOUS OF THE EYES
OF MY FRIENDS, AS YOU COULD BE OF YOUR
WIFE; AND LIKE YOU FROM A CONSCIOUSNESS OF
MY OWN INFIRMITIES. TO HAVE THIS CONSIDE-+
RATION / PAID ME IN PUBLIC, AND TO BE DENY'D
THE SAME QUARTER IN PRIVATE COMPANY, USED
EQUALLY TO CONCERN AND SURPRIZE ME. WHEN
THE WHEELS ARE OUT OF ORDER, IT IS RATHER THE
BUSINESS OF FRIENDS BY AN ARTFUL TENDERNESS TO
SET THEM RIGHT; AND TO SOOTH THE SUFFERER
INSENSIBLY INTO AN UTTERANCE OF HIS SORROWS:
FOR SPEAKING, TO AN HEART LONG BLOTED AND
INFLAMED, WITH GRIEF, AND INDIGNATION, IS LIKE
BRINGING WOUNDS TO SUPPURATE, WHICH AT ONCE
PROGNOSTICATES AND PROMOTES THEIR CURE. MA-+
NY / OF MINE KNOW TOO, THAT THE SERIES OF
ADVERSITY I HAVE GONE THROUGH, REQUIRED MORE
THAN HUMAN PATIENCE TO BEAR, AS WELL AS MORE
THAN HUMAN SPIRITS TO SURMOUNT. WITH MORE
TO FEEL, AND A QUICKER FEELING THAN ANY MAN;
<P 49>
TO BE ASK'D BY THOSE, WHO NEITHER HAD MY
SORROWS NOR SENSATIONS, WHAT WAS THE MATTER
WITH ME, AND WHY I WAS NOT CHEARFULLER;
TO BE CHARGED WITH A WANT OF SPIRIT, WHEN
I HAD BEEN A SACRIFICE SINGLY TO MY SPIRIT;
(BY OPPOSING ILLS, TO WHICH THE STRONGEST AND
THE FIERCEST BEASTS IN NATURE MUST HAVE SUB-+
MITTED) / WERE VERY MORTIFYING AND PROVOKING
ERRORS IN MY JUDGES. IF NO CIRCUMSTANCES
OR OCCURRENCES IN OUR LIVES, WERE ANY WAY
TO ALTER OUR SENSATIONS; A MAN MIGHT AS WELL
BE POOR, AS IN AFFLUENCE; SICK, AS IN HEALTH;
AND IT WOULD BE MATTER OF INDIFFERENCE, WHE-+
THER / HIS FRIEND DID HIM AN INJURY, OR GOOD-+
OFFICE. / APATHY, SIR. IS BUT A WORD; THE
THING CAN HAVE NO EXISTENCE. IT IS ARRANT
FOLLY, UTTER NONSENSE, TO SAY WE WILL NOT
FEEL, WHAT WE DO FEEL. GRIEF OF ANY KIND
WILL EXACT, AND ENGAGE, THE ATTENTION OF ITS
SUFFERER: THERE IS NOTHING SO SELFISH AS PAIN;
AND SCARCE ANY THING SO PAINFUL, AS SUCH SEL-+
FISHNESS. / BESIDES, TO BE COMPETENT JUDGES OF
ANY MAN'S RESENTMENTS OF THINGS, WE OUGHT
TO KNOW A LITTLE OF THE TEXTURE OF HIS MIND:
FOR MINDS UNDER AFFLICTION, FARE AS BODIES DO
IN TOILS; THEY INJURE THEMSELVES, IN PROPOR-+
TION / TO THE NATURAL STRENGTH AND ACTIVITY OF
'EM. FOR MY OWN PART, I AM FULLY PERSUAD-+
ED / THAT THE INTERNAL COMPLEXIONS OF MEN ARE
AS VARIOUS AS THEIR FACES; AND THAT MAN AND
BEAST, OR GOD AND MAN, ARE NOT SO UNLIKE
EACH OTHER, AS MAN AND MAN. AND BOLD,
AND EXTRAVAGANT, AS THIS POSITION MAY SEEM,
<P 50>
I THINK I COULD EXPLAIN IT IN A MANNER, TO
LEAVE THE TRUTH OF IT UNQUESTIONABLE. WHILE
WE CAN SIT AT EASE, AND SPECULATE ONLY, UPON
THE SEVERAL OPERATIONS, AND DIVERSIFICATIONS,
OF THE KNAVE, THE FOOL, AND THE BRUTE; THO'
UPON THE WHOLE OUR ANIMADVERSIONS WILL BE A
LITTLE MELANCHOLY; YET IN CERTAIN MOMENTS
WE MAY DIVERT AND AMUSE OURSELVES WITH 'EM:
BUT WHEN A MAN IS TO FEEL THEM ALL; WHEN
HE IS EVERY DAY TO SUFFER, WHAT HE IS CONSCIOUS
HE COULD NEVER ACT, AND IS STILL DETERMINED IN-+
VARIABLY / TO PERFORM HIS PART; WHEN THIS I
SAY, SIR, HAPPENS TO BE THE CASE OF ANY OF US,
IT BECOMES A COMPLICATED GRIEF, TO BE SO CIR-+
CUMSTANCED, / AND AT THE SAME TIME SO CON-+
STITUED, / I CAN SCARCE THINK OF ANY SPECIES OF
INJURY THAT I HAVE NOT SUFFER'D; AND FOR AN AG-+
GRAVATION / OF MY WRONGS, THE MOST GRIEVOUS OF
THEM HAVE BEEN DONE ME BY THOSE WHO OUGHT
TO HAVE BEEN MY PATRONS AND UPHOLDERS.
NEITHER IS THERE A WEAKNESS BELONGING TO HU-+
MAN / NATURE, I HAVE NOT HAD ALMOST DAILY
PRACTICED UPON ME. ABOUT FOUR YEARS AGO
I HAD A VERY ABRUPT HINT GIVEN ME, THAT THE
WORLD THOUGHT I WAS KEPT: THO' BY THE BY,
MY CIRCUMSTANCES AT THAT TIME DID AS LITTLE
CREDIT, AS I MYSELF COULD HAVE DONE SERVICE,
TO MY KEEPER. AN OLD AN INTIMATE AC-+
QUAINTANCE / OF MINE, AND AN EXCEEDING WELL-+
NATURED / MAN, (TWO TITLES TO SAY ANY THING)
ONE DAY AFTER DINNER TALKING OF WOMEN,
THE ALMOST CONSTANT TOPIC OF TAVERN CON-+
VERSATION, / OBSERVED; THAT HERVEY WAS THE
<P 51>
MOST HAPPY OF THEM ALL; WHO MADE HIS IN-+
TERESTS / AND HIS PLEASURES COINCIDE, BY FINDING
THEM IN ONE COMMON MEANS. THO' VERY
LITTLE DISPOSED TO TAKE PART IN THE DISCOURSE,
I SAID WITH AN INDIGNANT SMILE, THAT I DID
NOT KNOW WHAT HE MEANT. WHY, (SAID HE)
HAVE YOU NEVER HAD TO DO WITH ANY WOMAN THAT
HAS PAID YOU WELL FOR YOUR PAINS? I ANSWERED,
NO: AND IMMEDIATELY PERCEIVED AS MUCH AS-+
TONISHMENT / EXPRESSED IN THE FACES OF ALL THE
GOOD COMPANY, AS IF I HAD AFFIRM'D THAT I
HAD NO NOSE IN MINE: UPON WHICH I REDOU-+
BLED / MY AFFIRMATION, AND SAID AGAIN, UPON
MY HONOUR, NO. A MIND LESS SICKLY, AND
DISCOMPOSED, MIGHT HAVE BORNE A SLANDER OF
THIS KIND WITH BETTER TEMPER; BUT IT AFFEC-+
ED / MINE HUGELY. AND THO' I ACQUITTED MY
ASSAILANT OF ANY INTENTION TO HURT ME; YET
MY SENSES TOLD ME, WHEN I WAS TO SUFFER,
IT SIGNIFY'D BUT LITTLE, WHETHER INADVERTENCY
OR MALICE GAVE THE WOUND. I REALLY THINK
THE CHARACTER OF A FILCH IS ALMOST AS ENVIA-+
BLE / AND REPUTABLE. BUT SO LITTLE SEASONABLE
WAS SUCH A REPRESENTATION OF ME, THAT AT THE
VERY TIME I WAS LOOK'D UPON AS THIS HER-+
CULEAN / LABORER, THIS JOVE, AMONGST THE WO-+
MEN; / I WAS IN THE CONDITION OF POOR BEL-+
SHAZZAR / WHEN HE SAW THE HAND-WRITING UP-+
ON / THE WALL: THE JOINTS OF MY LOINS WERE
LOOSED, AND MY KNEES SMOTE ONE AGAINST THE OTHER.
<P 52>
AND YET A MULTITUDE OF THESE LITTLE PERVERSE-+
NESSES / OF MANKIND, WITH WHICH THEY DAILY
TEIZE EACH OTHER, AND ARE MUTUALLY LABORING TO
RENDER LIFE UNSAVORY; WOULD HAVE LOST MUCH
OF THEIR PUNGENCY TO A MIND IN VIGOUR, AND
TRUE TO ITSELF; AS I SHOULD EVER HAVE FOUND
MINE, IN ANY OTHER PATHS BUT THOSE I HAVE
BEEN DRIVEN INTO. BUT I SO EXQUISITELY RE-+
SENTED / MY FIRST GRIEFS AND DISAPPOINTMENTS,
THAT I HAVE BEEN THE LESS ABLE TO RESIST THE LAT-+
TER. / THE AFFECTION I ONCE BORE MY FATHER
SURPASS'D ANY SAINT'S LOVE OF HIS GOD; AND
I CAN'T HELP FLATTERING MYSELF, THAT HAD I BEEN
BETTER KNOWN TO HIM, HE WOULD HAVE CHE-+
RISH'D / ME LIKE HIS BEING. BUT TRUE FILIAL LOVE,
LIKE THE LOVE OF GOD, IS ACCOMPANY'D WITH
AN AWE AND REVERENCE, WHICH IF ITS OBJECT
WILL NOT REMIT, OR A LITTLE ABATE, THEY MAY LIVE
FOR EVER IN THE SAME ROOM, AND BE UTTER
STRANGERS TO EACH OTHER. BUT I HAVE OB-+
SERVED, / IN GENERAL THAT THE BEHAVIOUR OF PA-+
RENTS / TO THEIR CHILDREN, IS LIKE THAT OF WO-+
MEN / TOWARDS MEN; OF WHOM MR((.)) DRYDEN
SAYS, THAT THEY NEVER STOOP BUT TO THE FORWARD
AND THE BOLD. MY FATHER'S ESTEEM WAS MY
((SINE QUO NON)) OF LIFE; IT WAS THE ONE THING
NEEDFUL; BY WHICH IS TO BE UNDERSTOOD, THAT
WHICH WOULD MAKE A MAN HAPPIER, WITHOUT
ALL OTHER THINGS, THAN ALL OTHER THING
WITHOUT THAT. BUT HE WAS PLEASED AT ONCE
TO PUT ME OUT OF HIS WAY AS WELL AS MY OWN:
BEING TEMPTED BY THE SHEW OF SOME TALENTS
IN ME, (WHICH HE AND THE WORLD EVER AT THAT
<P 53>
TIME OVER-RATED) TO A FATAL DESTINATION OF ME
TO A PROFESSION THE MOST REPUGNANT TO MY
GENIUS AND TEMPER THAT WAS POSSIBLE. AND
THE PROSECUTION OF MY STUDIES NOT BEING
MADE EASY TO ME IN OTHER RESPECTS, I ABAN-+
DON'D / MYSELF TO SUCH DESPERATE EXCESSES AS
NONE ELSE WAS EVER REFORM'D OR RESCUED FROM.
FOR THE GREAT FATALITY WHICH ATTENDS AN HA-+
BIT / OF DRINKING IS, THAT THE EVIL BECOMES
ANTIDOTE TO ITSELF; THAT IS TO SAY, BY HAVING
RECOURSE TO THE CAUSE, YOU REMOVE THE ILL EF-+
FECTS / OF IT: AND I WILL VENTURE TO AFFIRM,
THAT THE TEMPTATIONS TO RELIEF FROM PAIN, ARE
MUCH LESS TO BE WITHSTOOD, THAN THE MOST
URGENT TO ANY POSITIVE PLEASURE. EVEN MY
GIDDY, RIOTOUS COMPANIONS COULD DISCERN,
THAT OUR MOTIVES TO WHAT WE WERE ABOUT
WERE NOT THE SAME: FOR THEIR BUSINESS WAS
DRINKING, MINE WAS TO BE DRUNK. AND
WHAT REAL PLEASURE THERE CAN BE IN A TOTAL
PRIVATION OF ALL ONE'S POWERS AND FACULTIES,
NEEDS NOT AN OEDIPUS TO RESOLVE: BUT THAT
THERE IS A NEGATIVE ONE, IN LULLING A DISQUIE-+
TED / MIND, AND IN THE SUSPENSION OF GLOOMY
THOUGHTS, THE PRACTICE OF ALMOST ALL THE AF-+
CLICTED / PART OF MANKIND TOO DAILY CERTIFIES.
THIS, I CONFESS, WAS MAKING BAD WORSE:
((FORTUNAE MISERAS AUXIMUS ARTE VIAS)).
<L 29>
AND I DON'T DOUBT BUT YOU WILL TELL ME
THAT I DESERVED IT FOR SO EXTRAVAGANT AND IR-+
RATIONAL / A CONDUCT. BUT IF REASON, SIR,
<P 54>
BE NOT A MATCH FOR THE PASSIONS OF AGE;
WHEN IT IS TO CONTROUL THE UNRULY EMOTIONS
OF YOUTH, AND A GREAT SPIRIT, THE ENCOUNTER
MUST STILL BE MORE UNEQUAL. I HAVE MANY,
MANY TIMES WANTED A DINNER IN THOSE DAYS.
THESE THINGS MIGHT HAVE SAT LIKE TRIFLES,
ON THE MIND OF A TRIFLER, BUT I WAS NOT SO
LUCKILY CONSTITUED. WHEN I SAY LUCKILY, I
DON'T MEAN THAT I SHOULD HAVE CHOSEN TO BE
OF SUCH A MAKE; BUT WHEN A MAN'S FORTUNE
HAS NOT BEEN CORRESPONDENT TO HIS NATURAL DIS-+
POSITION, / THE NEXT THING TO BE WISH'D IS, THAT
HIS DISPOSITION HAD BEEN MORE AGREEABLE TO
HIS FORTUNE. MY MIND, AS I HAVE SAID BE-+
FORE, / HAVING BEEN THUS EARLY UNHINGED, AND
TURN'D UPON ITSELF; I APPLY'D MYSELF WITH
UNWEARY'D INDUSTRY AND DILIGENCE TO MY
DESTRUCTION, AND YET COULD NOT EFFECT IT: BUT,
AFTER SUCH A REDEMPTION, TO HAVE LIVED TO RE-+
GRET / THE WANT SUCCESS IN THAT, MORE THAN
ANY OTHER PURSUITS OF MY LIFE, IS A SHOCK-+
ING / THOUGHT. MY FATHER HOWEVER IS NOT
TO TAKE THESE THINGS ILL, AS THEY HAVE NO TEN-+
DENCY / TO REFLECT ANY REPROACH ON HIM: FOR
AS HE WAS IGNORANT OF MY SUFFERINGS, HE WAS
ALSO INNOCENT OF 'EM. AND WHEN I TURN
MY THOUGHTS TOWARDS HIM, I ONLY SAY TO
MYSELF, THAT HE SHOT HIS ARROW O'ER THE HOUSE,
AND KILL'D HIS SON. WHEN HE HEARD OF THE
DAILY VIOLENCES I WAS DOING TO MYSELF, HE
COULD NOT TELL THAT I WAS NOT MAD, BUT GRIEVED:
HE COULD NOT DISTINGUISH THE WRETCH, FROM
THE MAN OF PLEASURE: NOR COULD HE POSSIBLY
<P 55>
DISCOVER, THAT THAT SEEMING REBELLIOUS CONDUCT
AGAINST MY SELF, WAS BUT THE EFFECT OF AN IN-+
WARD / WARFARE WITH MY REBEL FATE. THE
MOST SENSIBLE MORTIFICATION HE EVER DID ME
WAS IN EXPOUNDING THE UNHAPPY EFFECTS OF
THESE THINGS INTO NEW WRONGS, BY ONE OF
THOSE GROSS MISCONSTRUCTIONS I AM STILL OFTEN
SUFFERING. HE ASK'D ME ONCE WHY I DID NOT
TALK MORE; SAYING, HE HAD BEEN TOLD THAT I
WAS VERY CAPABLE TO TAKING PART IN THE DIS-+
QUISITIONS / OF COMMON THINGS; AND THAT MY
SILENCE WAS INTERPRETED INTO A CONTEMPT OF
MY COMPANY, WHICH WAS RESOLVABLE ONLY IN-+
TO / PRIDE. BUT HOW VERY INJURIOUS AND CRU-+
EL / ARE THESE THINGS? PRIDE, AS IS SAID OF
CEASAR'S AMBITION, SHOULD BE MADE OF STERNER
STUFF. BESIDES, MEN NATURALLY PRONE TO EN-+
QUIRE / TOO NARROWLY INTO THEMSELVES OR THEIR
CONDITIONS HERE, (AND I AM NOT WITHOUT SOME
SEEDS OF THIS SELF-TORMENTING PHILOSOPHY IN
ME) WILL NOT HAVE MUCH REASON TO BE SATIS-+
FY'D / WITH EITHER: AND THAT WHICH MAKES US
UNHAPPY, IN THIS RESPECT, WILL IN MY OPINION
NECESSARILY MAKE US HUMBLE. I REMEMBER I
LAUGH'D THEN, AS I DO STILL, AT ANY OF THESE
RANDOM SHAFTS, THO' WITH AN HUNDRED AR-+
ROWS / RANKLING IN MY BRAIN AND HEART: BUT
WHEN I WAS SMITTEN WITH THIS INVIDIOUS CHARGE,
EVERY POWER AND FUNCTION BOTH OF MY BO-+
DY / AND MIND HAD BEEN FOR THREE OR FOUR
YEARS TOTALLY SUSPENDED. I KNEW NO MORE
WHAT PAST IN COMPANY, THAN IF THE CON-+
VERSATION / HAD BEEN IN A LANGUAGE I HAD NOT
<P 56>
UNDERSTOOD: AND IF I HAD BEEN ADMITTED TO
THE COMMUNION OF SAINTS, IT WOULD HAVE
BEEN ALL IMPERTINENCE AND OBSTRUSION TO ME;
FOR THERE MUST BE A CAPACITY TO ENJOY, BE-+
FORE / ONE THING CAN MAKE US AT ALL HAPPIER
THAN ANOTHER. PAIN WITHOUT EITHER NATURAL
OR EXTERNAL MEANS FOR THE PURSUIT OF PLEASURE,
WOULD MAKE YOUR BEING LOATHSOME TO YOU,
THO' YOUR ABODE WERE WITH THE BLESS'D.
DON'T IMAGINE, SIR, THAT I HAVE TOLD THIS
LAMENTABLE TALE IN ORDER TO EXCITE COMPAS-+
SION; / FOR ALL TOKENS OF PITY MUST COME SO
SHORT OF THE SUFFERINGS OF DISTRACTION, AND
A FIX'D DESPONDENCY, THAT THEY WOULD BUT
MAKE THE PATIENT SMILE. NO, SIR! MY VIEW
IN IT IS, WITH THE BETTER PRETENCE, AND I HOPE
BETTER EFFECT, TO BECOME A SUPPLIANT TO THE
PUBLIC; THAT, AS BY AN UNINTERRUPTED SERIES OF
ADVERSITY, I HAVE BEEN BEREST OF HEALTH AND
STRENGTH, OF PEACE AND SENSES, I MAY NOT BE
ROBB'D OF MY LITTLE FAME TOO; FOR BY THAT
SLENDER, BUT FIRM AND FAITHFUL PROP, I HAVE
BEEN ALL ALONG SUSTAIN'D: AND I THINK IT CAN
NEITHER APPEAR SO ENVIABLE TO MY ENEMIES,
NOR SO INCONSIDERABLE TO MY FRIENDS, AS FOR
THOSE TO DESIRE, OR THESE TO SUFFER IT, TO BE
CUT FROM UNDER ME. THIS, SIR, WAS NOT YOUR
FIRST ATTEMPT TO WOUND MY REPUTATION NEI-+
THER: / FOR YOU TRADUCED ME SIX OR SEVEN YEARS
<P 57>
AGO IN MY PUBLIC CHARACTER. BUT THE CEN-+
SURES / AND REPROACHES OF ONE SO PREJUDICED,
AND PARTY-BIASS'D, WILL MAKE BUT SLIGHT IM-+
PRESSIONS / ON THEIR OBJECT: AND IT IS AS NOTO-+
RIOUS / AS SOME OTHER OF YOUR FOIBLES, THAT THE
FAVORERS OF YOUR OPINIONS HAVE NO FAULTS,
THE OPPUGNERS OF THEM NO VIRTUES: AND
THAT UPON THE LEAST CHANGE ANY MAN MAKES
IN HIS POLITICAL CREED, OR CONDUCT, YOU DO
NOT SCRUPLE TO PRONOUNCE THE RESPECTIVE PROSE-+
LYTE / EITHER SAINT, OR REPROBATE, WITHOUT THE
LEAST REGARD TO HIS MANNERS, MIND, OR MO-+
RALS. / I CONFESS I HAVE NOT THAT IMPLICIT AF-+
FIANCE / IN YOUR JUDGMENT, OR ANY MAN'S ELSE,
TO PIN A FAITH OF ANY KIND UPON YOUR SLEEVES:
NOR, ON THE OTHER HAND, HAVE I SUCH A CON-+
CEIT / OF THE SUFFICIENCY OF MY OWN, AS TO PRE-+
SUME / IT NEVER MISLEADS ME. WHAT I DARE BE,
I HOPE I SHALL ALWAYS DARE TO AVOW I AM.
WHETHER I AM THOUGHT TO HAVE TAKEN THE
PART I HAVE BEEN ACTING UPON UPRIGHT MOTIVES,
MUST EVER DEPEND UPON THE CANDOR AND E-+
QUITY / OF MY JUDGES. I CAN ONLY AVER I HAVE
BEEN SINCERE: AND THO' THE WORLD MAY NOT
ALLOW ME THE REPUTE, IT IS NOT IN THE POWER
OF ITS GREAT RULER TO ROB ME OF THE CONSCIOUS-+
NESS / OF IT: WITH WHICH CONSCIOUSNESS, I WILL
ENDEAVOUR FOR THE REMAINING PART OF MY LIFE
TO REST CONTENT. FOR THO' I WOU'D PASS A
FIREY ORDEAL, RATHER THAN LET MY FAME SUFFER
ANY STAIN OR BLEMISH I COU'D WIPE FROM IT;
OR TO CONCILIATE THE ESTEEM OF MEN OF SENSE
AND PROBITY; YET I NEVER WAS OF CONSIDERATION
<P 58>
ENOUGH, OR OF A TURN, TO AFFECT WHAT IS CALL'D
POPULARITY: HAVING LEARNT LONG SINCE TO DIS-+
TINGUISH / BETWEEN THE FOLLY OF ATTEMPTING TO
PLEASE EVERY BODY, AND THE WISDOM OF REALLY
DISPLEASING NO BODY. IN ANSWER HOWEVER TO
YOUR SUSPICIONS AND IMPUTATIONS, I WILL VEN-+
TURE / TO SAY THUS MUCH. THAT I HAVE MADE
GREATER SACRIFICES TO GENEROUS AND VIRTUOUS MO-+
TIVES / THAN, PERHAPS, ANY MAN LIVING: OR SUP-+
POSING / ME TO HAVE HAD MY EQUALS IN THIS
RESPECT; I MUST OBSERVE, THAT A MERIT OF THIS
SORT IS NOT DUELY BALANCED BY ANOTHER'S HAV-+
ING / DONE THE SAME THINGS, UNLESS IT APPEARS
THAT HE HATH ALSO DONE THEM IN THE SAME CIR-+
CUMSTANCES. / IF PASSION OR INTEREST COU'D HAVE
SWAY'D ME, I MIGHT SAY TOO, SINCE I HAVE
BEEN CONCERN'D IN THE POLITICAL WORLD, THAT
I HAD BEEN BOTH PROVOKED, AND TEMPTED, TO BE
ONE OF THOSE MODERN CONVERTS, WHO MAKE
A MINISTER'S PRIVATE TREATMENT OF THEM, THE
MEASURE OF ALL WRONG AND RIGHT IN WHAT HE
IS DOING FOR THE PUBLIC. AND IF SUCH VICISSI-+
TUDES, / SUCH SUDDEN CHANGES, COULD BE WAR-+
RANTABLE / IN ANY THING, I REALLY THINK THAT PO-+
LITICAL / CONSCIENCES WILL BEST ADMIT OF THEM:
FOR EVERY BODY MUST ALLOW, THAT NO THINGS
WILL TURN SO WELL, AS THOSE THAT ARE THE SAME
ON BOTH SIDES. PROBABLY I MAY FLATTER MY
SELF, BUT I AM INCLINED TO BELIEVE THAT FEW
MEN ARE LESS LIABLE TO BE AWED OR ALLURED INTO
ANY THING THAN I AM. POOR AND INCONSIDERA-+
BLE / ENOUGH I HAVE EVER BEEN, GOD KNOWS;
BUT STIFF, AND STEADY. ((QUOD VOLO, VALDE VOLO.))
<P 59>
TRUE ZEAL, LIKE TRUE COURAGE, IS NOT LOUD OR
WORDY: THEY PATIENTLY RECEIVE, AND QUIETLY
REPAY, THE TAUNTS AND OUTRAGES OF THEIR AD-+
VERSARIES; / AND AS THE ONE WILL ALWAYS MAKE A
FORMIDABLE ENEMY, SO THE OTHER WILL NEVER
FAIL TO MAKE A STEDFAST FRIEND. I HAD ONCE RE-+
SOLVED / NOT TO COME AGAIN INTO PARLIAMENT; FOR
I HAVE NEITHER THE PASSIONS REQUISITE TO TAKE
DELIGHT, NOR TALENTS TO MAKE A FIGURE IN IT.
BUT IF ALL THE VOTES I HAVE GIVEN THERE WERE
REVOCABLE, I COU'D THINK BUT OF ONE I SHOULD
BE THE LEAST DESIROUS TO RECALL: AND IF THAT
QUESTION WERE TO RECURR, I SHOU'D BE AGAIN
SUSPENDED BY THE DILEMMA I WAS THEN UNDER;
FOR THO' I APPROVED OF THE END, I DISLIKED THE
MEANS: AND NEUTRALITY IS A THING UNWORTHY
EVEN TO THE GENDER OF A NOUN. IN THE ROMAN
STATE, IF I REMEMBER RIGHT, IT WAS NOT ONLY
RECKON'D IGNOMINIOUS, BUT, I THINK, MADE
PENAL. AS FOR THE UNANIMITY WITH WHICH MY
PARTY HAS BEEN SO OFTEN REPROACH'D; IT IS THE
NATURAL, AND ALMOST NECESSARY EFFECT OF PARTY.
'TIS BY THE SAME UNITY AND CONCORD, THAT
THE OPPONENTS OF IT HAVE NOW GOTTEN THE AS-+
CENDANT; / AND I WOU'D RECOMMEND IT TO EVE-+
RY / ADMINISTRATION, AND EVERY ASSEMBLY: FOR
I BELIEVE IT WILL BE FOUND IN POLICY, AS IN PHI-+
LOSOPHY, / THAT COHAESION GIVES THE WEIGHT TO ALL
BODIES. BUT THOUGH I RECOMMEND CERTAIN
DEGREES OF THIS POLITICAL FAITH AND COMPLAI-+
SANCE, / IN ORDER TO FACILITATE THE MEASURES OF OUR
GOVERNORS, I AM NO ADVOCATE FOR SO ABJECT
A SUBSERVIENCY OF OTHER MEN'S WILLS, OR
<P 60>
SO IMPLICIT A RESIGNATION OF OUR UNDERSTAND-+
INGS / AND CONSCIENCES TO THEIR OPINIONS, AS
MAY BE DESTRUCTIVE OR INJURIOUS TO THE GOVERNED.
MEN OF SENSE, AND SPIRIT, AND INTEGRITY, WILL
ALWAYS SET PROPER BOUNDS TO THESE THINGS:
YOU WILL FIND THEM MOVING TOWARDS EACH O-+
THER, / AND, AS IF IT WERE BY SOME SECRET
MAGIC IN THEIR NATURES, UNITING AND CONFEDE-+
RATING / THEMSELVES IN TIMES OF DANGER AND DE-+
SIGN. / BUT I HAVE SEEN NO SUCH TIMES, AND
HOPE I NEVER SHALL SEE SUCH: NOR DO I THINK
I HAVE SEEN ANY SUCH THINGS, AS SEEM'D TO BE-+
SPEAK / OR FOREBODE THE APPROACH OF THEM.
I HAVE TROUBLED YOU, SIR, (AND TO BE SIN-+
CERE / WITH YOU, I HOPE I HAVE TROUBLED YOU)
WITH A TEDIOUS RHAPSODY; IN SOME PARTS OF
WHICH YOU MAY THINK I HAVE TREATED YOU
VERY FREELY. BUT WHERE TRUTH OFFENDS, SHE HER-+
SELF / MUST HAVE BEEN FIRST OFFENDED: AND THE RE-+
SENTMENT / OF SUCH AN OFFENDER WILL PASS IN
THE WORLD, BUT FOR THE WINCING OF THE GAL-+
LED / HORSE. WHAT I HAVE SAID, AS WELL AS
WHAT I HAVE DONE, I CAN AMPLY JUSTIFY: IT IS
THE NATURE OF ALL INNOCENCE TO BE BOLD; IN-+
JUR'D / INNOCENCE WILL BE A LITTLE IMPATIENT
TOO.
((THOMAS HERVEY.))
////
$
****