<< *153 . JOHN OSBORNE : WEST OF SUEZ . LONDON , FABER , 197 1 . 85 P. . FIRST PERF. : 170871 . CHAR. : 01 WYATT GILLMAN , A WRITER , 02 FREDERICA , WYATT'S DAUGHTER , 03 ROBIN , WY ATT'S DAUGHTER , 04 EVANGIE , WYATT'S DAUGHTER , 05 MARY , W YATT'S DAUGHTER , 06 EDWARD , FREDERICA'S HUSBAND ( A PATHOL OGIST ) , 07 ROBERT , MARY'S HUSBAND ( A TEACHER ) , 08 PATR ICK , A RETIRED BRIGADIER , 09 CHRISTOPHER , SECRETARY TO WY ATT , 10 ALASTAIR , A HAIRDRESSER , 11 OWEN LAMB , A WRITER , 12 HARRY , 13 MRS. JAMES , AN INTERVIEWER FROM THE LOCAL NEWSPAPER , 14 LEROI , ROBIN AND THE BRIGADIER'S SERVANT , 1 5 MR. DEKKER , AMERICAN TOURIST , 16 MRS. DEKKER , AMERICAN TOURIST , 17 JED , AMERICAN TOURIST , 18 TWO ISLANDERS . >> $ #11 $ < ACT ONE > $ < THE LOGGIA OF A TRIM , ATTRACTIVE VILLA ON A SUBTROPICAL I SLAND , NEITHER AFRICA NOR EUROPE , BUT SOME OF BOTH , ALSO LESS THAN BOTH . $ STARTLING SHRUBS AND TREES . $ BRIGHT , STIPPLED PATCHES , COLD , DARK PLACES , A WHISPER O F OCEAN AND STILL HEAT . $ CHAIRS RECLINING IN AND OUT OF THE SUN . $ FREDERICA AND EDWARD , HER HUSBAND , ARE SITTING BENEATH A T RAILING VINE . $ SHE IS JUST IN THE SUN , HER EYES CLOSED , HE IN THE SHADE , READING A NEWSPAPER . $ PRESENTLY , A BROWNISH-COLOURED SERVANT IN A WHITE JACKET , LEROI , COMES OVER TO THE TABLE BESIDE THEM AND LABORIOUSLY PUTS DOWN A GLASS OF ICED ORANGE JUICE AND A LONG EXOTIC-LOO KING DRINK IN A TALLER GLASS . $ 06 THANK YOU . $ THAT 'S FINE . $ < ( LEROI STARES AT THE GLASS , HESITATES . ) > $ FINE . $ THANKS . $ < ( TO FREDERICA ) > $ SURE YOU WON'T HAVE A PROPER DRINK ? $ 02 SURE . $ ALCOHOL AND ME BEFORE LUNCHTIME IN THIS CLIMATE JUST DON'T G O . $ < ( LEROI GOES . ) > $ IT DOES SOMETHING TO WOMEN , ANYWAY . $ 06 WELL , THERE ARE MISFORTUNES ALL SIDES . $ NOTHING ELSE , THANKS , LEROI . $ 02 HE 'S GONE . $ NOT THAT HE 'D HEAR YOU . $ 06 THEY REALLY DO STAND AND STARE . $ 02 THEY 'RE NOT WAITERS FOR NOTHING . $ 06 YES . $ A SORT OF ETHNIC GROUP . $ WHILE THEY LAST . $ 02 WE LAST , YOU MEAN . $ IT 'S AN ODD MIXTURE . $ #12 $ 06 WHAT ? $ 02 THEM . $ LETHARGY AND HYSTERIA . $ 06 OH YES . $ I 'VE NOTICED . $ PERHAPS IT 'S BEING A SMALL ISLAND . $ 02 BRUTALITY AND SENTIMENTALITY . $ 06 PERCHED BETWEEN ONE CIVILIZATION AND THE NEXT . $ 02 CRAVEN BUT PLEASED WITH THEMSELVES . $ 06 LISTEN TO THOSE BIRDS . $ 02 THEY 'RE TOO PLEASED WITH THEMSELVES AS WELL . $ 06 JOLLY PRETTY . $ 02 NOT PRETTY ENOUGH . $ LIKE THOSE SAME OLD NATIVE SONGS THEY SING EVERY NIGHT . $ AND THOSE DREADFUL INSTRUMENTS . $ ONE OF THE WORST THINGS ABOUT ENGLAND . $ 06 WHAT ? $ 02 BLOODY BIRDS . $ MAKING A DIN , FIRST THING YOU HEAR . $ 06 ONLY IN THE COUNTRY . $ 02 NO , IN LONDON AS WELL . $ WAKE ME UP EVERY DAY . $ 06 DON'T KNOW WHAT WE CAN DO ABOUT YOUR SLEEP . $ 02 NEITHER DO I . $ 06 STILL , BETTER THAN AEROPLANES . $ 02 UM ? $ 06 BIRDS . $ 02 OH . $ DON'T SEE WHY . $ I RATHER LIKE THE SOUND OF AEROPLANES . $ AT LEAST THEY 'RE USEFUL . $ I THOUGHT I 'D BE ALL RIGHT , MARRYING A DOCTOR . $ 06 ALL RIGHT FOR WHAT ? $ 02 OH , EVERYTHING . $ GETTING TO SLEEP , I SUPPOSE . $ 06 WELL , I HAVE TRIED . $ 02 OH , YOU ALL TRY . $ 06 THANKS A HUMP . $ 02 I THINK DOCTORS ARE AN ODDLY NARROW LOT ON THE WHOLE . $ 06 WE TRY NOT TO GIVE RISE TO INCIDENT . $ 02 INDEED . $ DON'T FORGET TO DISPENSE NEGATIVES . $ LIKE CIVIL SERVANTS . $ #13 $ I DIDN'T USED TO THINK SO . $ 06 I SUPPOSE YOU 'RE REALLY A BIT OF A WHORE ABOUT MEDICINE . $ 02 OH , I 'LL TRY ANYTHING ONCE . $ 06 BUT NOT NECESSARILY TWICE . $ 02 DOCTORS ARE TO BE USED . $ 06 LIKE BOOKMAKERS . $ 02 RIGHT . $ THEY NEVER LOSE ... $ 06 WE ALL LOSE . $ 02 SOME SOONER AND QUICKER . $ 06 NO . $ THAT 'S HOW WE START OUT . $ 02 OR FASTER AND FUNNIER . $ 06 NO . $ NOT VERY FUNNY . $ 02 OH , I THINK SO . $ DON'T YOU REALLY ? $ 06 NO . $ 02 I DO . $ WHAT 'S DULL IS PEOPLE WHO DON'T KNOW THEY 'VE LOST ALREADY . $ LIKE LEROI . $ 06 THAT 'S A MISNOMER , I MUST SAY . $ 02 THEY 'RE ALL MISNOMERS , IF YOU ASK ME . $ MR. AND MISS NOMERS ... $ 06 I THINK YOU CONCERN YOURSELF A BIT TOO MUCH ABOUT SLEEPIN G . $ 02 YOU MEAN I SHOULDN'T ? $ 06 NO , BUT - $ 02 BUT WHAT ? $ 06 YOU KNOW WHAT I WAS GOING TO SAY , SO WHAT 'S THE POINT ? $ 02 PERHAPS YOU MIGHT SURPRISE ME FOR ONCE . $ 06 I DOUBT IT . $ 02 NOW YOU SOUND PLEASED . $ 06 YOU SHOULDN'T INCITE ME TO REPEAT MYSELF . $ 02 THEN WHY RISE TO IT ? $ 06 WHY LAY IT ? $ 02 NO QUARRY , NO BAIT , I SUPPOSE IS THAT ANSWER . $ 06 IT 'S A HABIT PEOPLE HAVE WHEN THEY 'VE LIVED AT CLOSE QU ARTERS FOR LONG . $ #14 $ PEOPLE CAN LIVE WITHOUT TOO - $ 02 MUCH SLEEP . $ LIKE YOU ? $ 06 IT CAN BE ACQUIRED . $ OR NOT . $ 02 WHAT DO YOU DO INSTEAD ? $ 06 KEEP AWAKE ? $ 02 AND THE OPTIONS ? $ 06 WHAT YOU FANCY . $ 02 AND IF THERE 'S NOTHING YOU FANCY ? $ 06 DO NOTHING AND DON'T PANIC . $ 02 KEEP THE PATIENT IN A WARM BLANKET , IF POSSIBLE , WITH H OT SWEET TEA . $ 06 THAT SORT OF THING . $ 02 THANKS , DOCTOR . $ I DON'T KNOW WHAT WE 'D DO WITHOUT YOUR MEDICAL SKILL . $ 06 SURVIVE , IN MOST CASES ... $ SURE YOU WON'T HAVE SOMETHING STRONGER THAN THAT ? $ 02 QUITE SURE . $ WHAT 'S THAT FLOWERY THING YOU 'VE GOT ? $ 06 RUM WITH LOCAL FLORA AND FAUNA . $ 02 LOOKS DISGUSTING . $ 06 IT DOES . $ BIT CLOYING AND PLEASED WITH ITSELF , AS YOU 'D SAY . $ BUT QUITE PLEASANT . $ TRY A BIT . $ 02 NO THANKS . $ I 'VE HAD ALL THE HANGOVERS I WANT IN THIS PLACE . $ 06 GOOD FOR BOREDOM . $ 02 YOU MEAN I 'M BORED ? $ 06 DIDN'T OCCUR TO ME ... $ DID YOU MEAN WHAT YOU JUST SAID ? $ 02 WHAT ? $ ABOUT BIRDS ? $ 06 WELL , THAT TOO ... $ 02 WHY SHOULDN'T I MEAN IT ? $ I DIDN'T REALIZE YOU WERE SUCH A BIRD LOVER . $ IF ONE CAN STILL USE IT IN THE FEATHERED SENSE . $ 06 AND ABOUT LOSING ... $ 02 YOU THINK I LIE ? $ #15 $ 06 NO . $ ONLY THAT - $ 02 WHAT ? $ ONLY ? $ 06 THE ONES WHO MAKE AN ETHIC OUT OF TRUTHFULNESS DO INCLINE TO RHETORIC . $ 02 YOU MEAN I PUT ON A SHOW OF FEELINGS I DON'T HAVE ? $ 06 NOT NECESSARILY . $ 02 THEN WHAT ? $ 06 I DON'T KNOW . $ 02 THEN WHY SAY IT ? $ 06 SAY WHAT ? $ 02 WHAT YOU SAID . $ 06 I DON'T REMEMBER . $ 02 THEN YOU SHOULD . $ YOU 'VE A TRAINED , SCIENTIFIC MIND . $ 06 ONLY IN A VERY NARROW DISCIPLINE . $ 02 I DON'T THINK YOU COULD CALL PATHOLOGY NARROW . $ SOMEWHAT INHUMAN AND REQUIRING A DETACHMENT THAT 'S ALMOST U NSCIENTIFIC . $ IF THAT 'S WHAT I MEAN . $ 06 YOU SEE . $ IT IS DIFFICULT . $ SO LET 'S NOT PURSUE IT , SHALL WE ? $ 02 " LET 'S NOT PURSUE IT , SHALL WE ? " $ IF YOU REALLY DO THINK YOU 'VE GOT THE GIFT OF SCIENTIFIC LU CIDITY , YOU 'D BETTER BRUSH UP ON YOUR ENGLISH A BIT . $ 06 BLOOD AND SHIT . $ 02 A BLOOD AND SHIT MAN . $ 06 THAT 'S ALL I NEED TO LOOK AT ALL DAY , JUST AS - $ 02 I ALWAYS REMIND YOU . $ 06 AS YOU DO . $ WHICH ISN'T QUITE NECESSARY AS I 'M ONLY TOO CONSCIOUS OF IT . $ 02 THEN WHY SHOULD I REMIND YOU OF IT ? $ 06 ONLY YOU AND GOD KNOWS . $ YOU WOULDN'T , OR WHAT 'S EVEN MORE LIKELY , COULDN'T , AND I DON'T SEE MUCH CHANCE OF GOD REVEALING ANY OF HIS PRIME MO VES OR DIVINE INTENTION . $ #16 $ 02 OH , THAT WAS QUITE GOOD ... $ 06 WHAT WAS ? $ 02 THAT SENTENCE . $ IT HAD ALMOST A SYNTACTICAL SWING ABOUT IT . $ 06 BUT NOT QUITE . $ 02 NOT BAD THOUGH . $ 06 " SYNTACTICAL " 'S A PRETTY POOR WORD TO FLASH AT ANYONE . $ 02 DON'T SPAR WITH ME . $ 06 I WOULDN'T DREAM OF IT . $ I HAVEN'T THE EQUIPMENT . $ 02 YOU HAVEN'T . $ 06 OR INCLINATION . $ 02 OR ENERGY . $ 06 OR STAMINA . $ 02 OR INTEREST . $ 06 THAT EITHER . $ 02 THEN WHY ARE YOU HERE THEN ? $ 06 TO HAVE A REFRESHING , ENHANCING HOLIDAY WITH MY WIFE . $ 02 YOU DON'T REALLY LIKE HOLIDAYS ... $ 06 MY SISTER-IN-LAW'S VERY PLEASANT VILLA WITH THEIR FAMILY AND FRIENDS . $ 02 OR ANYTHING ELSE FOR THAT MATTER . $ 06 THAT 'S RIGHT , ACTUALLY . $ SOMETIMES , YOUR OPEN-ENDED TONGUE DOES TIP OVER A REAL , PA LPABLE TRUTH . $ 02 WHAT ARE YOU INTERESTED IN ? $ 06 I TOLD YOU : BLOOD AND SHIT . $ 02 SOMETHING PASSIVE . $ 06 THE SPECIMENS I SEE ARE VERY ACTIVE INDEED . $ 02 YOU SHOULD HAVE MARRIED SOMEONE LIKE ROBIN . $ 06 LIKE LOOKING DOWN A VOLCANO SOMETIMES . $ I THINK I HAVE SAID I THINK YOUR SISTER 'S QUITE A NICE GIRL BUT A TRIFLE MORE DULL WITH IT THAN I 'D HAVE THOUGHT NECES SARY . $ #17 $ 02 OR EVANGELINE . $ 06 I THOUGHT WE - $ 02 OH YES , YOU DON'T LIKE INTELLECTUAL WOMEN . $ 06 IT 'S THE TRUTH . $ 02 SO YOU KEEP SAYING . $ 06 NO . $ SO YOU KEEP ASKING . $ LIKE MOST MEN - $ 02 OF YOUR BACKGROUND , YES - $ 06 I 'M DIM AND DISMAL ENOUGH TO FIND THEM INTIMIDATING . $ 02 INTIMIDATING ? $ SHE 'S PATHETIC . $ 06 NOT SPECIALLY ATTRACTIVE I 'D HAVE THOUGHT , BUT PATHETIC NO , NO MORE THAN THE REST OF US . $ SHE 'S GOT A THUMPING SUCCESS OF A CAREER , WHICH IS WHAT SH E SAYS ALL THE TIME IS THE ONLY REALLY IMPORTANT THING . $ 02 YOU MEAN IT ISN'T ? $ 06 TO HER IT IS , SO SHE ALWAYS TELLS ME WHENEVER I TALK TO HER . $ I CAN'T BELIEVE IT 'S JUST A COMMON ... OR A GAMBIT OR WHATE VER . $ BEING A MAN , AS YOU SAY , I 'VE NEVER HAD TO DEFINE MYSELF ABOUT A CAREER . $ JUST A PLAIN OLD BLOOD AND SHIT MAN WHO DOES IT BECAUSE IT ' S THE ONE SKILL HE 'S MANAGED TO MORE OR LESS MASTER AND THE ONE HE CAN PAY THE BILLS WITH IN ANY SORT OF COMFORT ... $ 02 I THINK YOU 'RE TAKEN IN BY HER . $ 06 I 'VE ALWAYS BEEN PRONE TO BEING TAKEN IN , AS EASILY AS A PUSSY CAT'S LAUNDRY . $ 02 NOW YOU 'RE STRAINING . $ 06 SHE 'S CERTAINLY NO MORE PATHETIC THAN ROBIN . $ 02 WHAT DO YOU MEAN ? $ 06 YOU KNOW QUITE WELL WHAT I MEAN . $ YOU 'VE SAID IT OFTEN ENOUGH YOURSELF . $ 02 SHE 'S MY SISTER . $ 06 RUNNING OFF WITH THE OLD BRIGADIER . $ 02 I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU LIKED HIM ? $ #18 $ 06 I DO . $ I CERTAINLY DON'T HOLD HIM IN THE CONTEMPT YOU DO . $ 02 HE 'S TOO OLD AND DODDERY BY HALF . $ 06 HE 'LL OUTLAST HER . $ 02 WHILE THE MONEY HOLDS OUT . $ 06 BUT THEN CONTEMPT COMES EASILY TO YOU . $ 02 I KEEP MOST OF IT FOR MYSELF . $ 06 THEN TRY SPREADING THE LOAD OR TURNING DOWN THE PRESSURE OR SOMETHING . $ 02 I HAPPEN TO LIKE HIGH STANDARDS , STARTING WITH NUMBER ON E . $ 06 PERHAPS YOU SHOULD HAVE A GO AT OBSERVING THEM , WHATEVER THEY ARE . $ LIKE TRY CHARITY FOR A BIT . $ GIVE THAT A WHIRL . $ 02 DON'T START GIVING ME ST. PAUL . $ THAT 'S THE PRIG'S FIRST . $ 06 YOU THINK YOU DON'T SOUND PRIGGISH ? $ 02 THE WOMAN WAS MADE FOR THE MAN , NOT THE MAN FOR THE WOMA N OR WHATEVER IT IS . $ 06 IF ONLY HE 'D POP IN ON ONE OF HIS JOURNEYS NOW - $ 02 HE 'D BE MADE WELCOME . $ I 'M SURE . $ VISITING FIREMAN . $ 06 WELL , HE DID SAY BETTER TO MARRY THAN TO BURN . $ PERHAPS HE MEANT IT THE OTHER WAY ROUND . $ BAD TRANSLATION . $ SORT OF HEBRAIC INVERSION . $ ... $ ANYWAY , I THINK THE BRIGADIER 'S QUITE HAPPY . $ 02 SO HE SHOULD BE . $ 06 WHY SHOULD HE BE ? $ BECAUSE HE 'S A NICE SIMPLE OLD STICK AND HE 'S HAPPY POTTER ING AROUND ALL DAY BUILDING HIS LITTLE WALLS AND GROTTOES AN D MAKING HIS DREADFUL OLD WINE FOR A BOB A GALLON ? $ 02 AND DRINKING IT . $ ... $ HE 'LL NOT DIVORCE THAT WIFE . $ 06 IT DOESN'T SEEM AS IF HE 'S ABLE TO . $ 02 DOESN'T WANT TO . $ #19 $ 06 AND HE 'S GOT HIS CHILDREN ... $ 02 OH , DON'T . $ HE 'S SO SENTIMENTAL ABOUT THEM . $ THEY 'RE BOTH SIX FEET FIVE AND ABOUT THIRTY AND DOING BETTE R THAN THE OLD MAN . $ I CAN'T UNDERSTAND HOW HE EVER HELD DOWN WHILE HE WAS IN THE ARMY . $ 06 THE ARMY 'S NEVER BEEN SHORT ON EITHER SENTIMENT OR INCOM PETENCE . $ AND QUITE RIGHTLY . $ ANYWAY , ROBIN 'S NOT EXACTLY A CHICKEN , AND EVEN IF SHE IS , SHE 'S NOT MY IDEA OF THE PRIZE OF THE BATTERY . $ 02 YOU ACCEPT HER HOSPITALITY . $ 06 I DO . $ AND THE FACT THAT I 'M NOT ENJOYING IT TOO WELL IS NO FAULT OF HERS . $ 02 YOU MEAN IT 'S MINE ? $ 06 NO , IT ISN'T , FREDERICA . $ IT 'S MINE . $ WE CAN'T BE - $ 02 RESPONSIBLE FOR OTHERS . $ 06 WELL , I BELIEVE IT . $ 02 SO YOU ALWAYS SAY . $ 06 YES . $ AS I ALWAYS SAY . $ IT 'S MY RESPONSIBILITY IF I AM TIRED , UNSPONTANEOUS OR PRE TTY INSUBSTANTIAL ... $ 02 YOU 'RE SOUNDING PLEASED AGAIN . $ 06 OR SEEMING PLEASED WITH MYSELF , WHICH I ONLY WISH WERE S OMETIMES TRUE EVEN . $ 02 COME . $ 06 IF I AM UNHAPPY , IT IS MY OWN RESPONSIBILITY . $ 02 ARE YOU ? $ 06 RESPONSIBLE ? $ 02 UNHAPPY ? $ 06 FAIR TO MIDDLING TO OCCASIONAL FULL SPEED AHEAD . $ 02 THANKS . $ 06 I THANK MYSELF . $ #20 $ 02 YOU SHOULD . $ BE GENEROUS . $ 06 I TRY TO BE . $ 02 TO YOURSELF ? $ 06 I TRY NOT TO GIVE MYSELF TOO HARD A TIME ... $ 02 IT 'S THE OTHERS . $ 06 OTHERS WHAT ? $ 02 GIVE YOU A HARD TIME ? $ 06 NO . $ THAT WOULD BE A DELUSION . $ 02 YOU 'RE NOT BEING VERY CLEAR . $ 06 THAT 'S BECAUSE I 'M NOT WHAT I APPEAR TO BE . $ 02 AND WHAT ARE YOU ? $ 06 A MIDDLE-AGED BLOOD AND SHIT MAN TRYING TO MOP UP A BIT O F SUNSHINE AND EAT , DRINK AND SWIM TOO MUCH , AT LEAST NOT IN THAT ORDER ... $ 02 I WOULDN'T LIKE YOU TO TEST MY BLOOD . $ 06 WELL I 'VE SAMPLED ENOUGH OF THE OTHER . $ 02 SHIT , YOU MEAN . $ AH ! $ 06 I 'M SURE YOUR BLOOD IS JUST AS LIVELY ... $ WELL , HERE 'S TO THE BRIGADIER AND HIS WIFE . $ 02 YOU WOULDN'T SAY THAT IF THEY WERE OUT THERE . $ 06 I SEE NO REASON TO BE UNGRATEFUL OR UNKIND . $ 02 WHAT IS YOUR REASON THEN ? $ 06 AND TO HIS CHILDREN , ALL SIX FOOT FIVE OF 'EM . $ PERHAPS THEY 'LL JOLLY HIM ALONG WHEN HE 'S TIRED OF IT ALL . $ 02 OF ROBIN ? $ 06 NO . $ JUST TIRED . $ SHE 'S PAST THAT , ANYWAY . $ 02 YOU MEAN HE IS . $ 06 I 'D SAY HE WAS QUITE A GOOD OLD RATTLER . $ GETS HIS OATS TWICE A DAY LIKE AN OLD HORSE ON HIS HOLIDAYS . $ 02 IF HE CAN GET IT UP , MORE LIKELY . $ ANYWAY , WHY SHOULD SHE WANT TO HAVE A CHILD BY HIM EVEN IF HE COULD ? $ 06 OR SHE COULD . $ 02 AND WHAT MAKES YOU THINK SHE COULDN'T ? $ #21 $ 06 WELL , SHE HASN'T AND SHE WAS MARRIED BEFORE FOR TWENTY Y EARS OR WHATEVER . $ 02 SO ? $ 06 SO . $ 02 PEOPLE ARE CAPABLE OF MAKING A CLEAR DECISION ABOUT THESE THINGS . $ 06 LIKE US . $ 02 LIKE ME IS WHAT YOU MEANT . $ 06 WHATEVER I MEANT , IT TURNED OUT YOU WERE QUITE RIGHT . $ AND IF I EVER THOUGHT DIFFERENT , I CAN SEE HOW WRONG I WAS ... $ 02 HOW MUCH DO YOU REALLY HATE ME ? $ 06 I DON'T KNOW THE ANSWER TO THAT ONE . $ 02 WHY NOT ? $ YOU 'RE AN INTELLIGENT MAN . $ 06 YOU 'RE AN INTELLIGENT WOMAN . $ 02 YOU DON'T THINK SO . $ 06 SO YOU SAY . $ AND AS YOUR FATHER WOULD SAY , I THINK THAT IS REALLY AN OPI NION POSING AS A QUESTION . $ 02 YOU DISAPPROVE OF HIS GOING ON THE TELLY ALL THE TIME , D ON'T YOU ? $ 06 AND YOU CERTAINLY CAN'T REPLY TO A QUESTION THAT EXPRESSE S ITS OWN HATRED - $ 02 DON'T YOU ? $ 06 I DON'T DISAPPROVE ANY MORE THAN I DO OF THE BRIGADIER AN D HIS WINE-MAKING , AS LONG AS I DON'T HAVE TO DRINK IT TOO MUCH . $ 02 YOU DON'T THOUGH . $ AND HOW CAN YOU COMPARE THE BRIGADIER WITH MY FATHER ? $ 06 I WASN'T AND YOU KNOW IT ... $ 02 WHAT IS IT THAT 'S SO FASCINATING IN THE NEWSPAPER ? $ 06 THE BRIGADIER IS RETIRED AND NOT PARTICULARLY DISTINGUISH ED EVEN THOUGH HE 'S MY HOST AND I LIKE HIM AND YOUR FATHER IS A BUSY WORKING WRITER AND VERY DISTINGUISHED INDEED . $ ALL OF WHICH IS QUITE DIFFERENT AND A WASTE OF MY BREATH AND YOUR EARS , EXCEPT THEY DON'T FUNCTION TOO WELL . $ #22 $ 02 THEY FUNCTION ALL RIGHT . $ 06 IT 'S BECAUSE I RESPECT WHAT HE 'S DONE . $ 02 AH , PAST TENSE . $ 06 AND WILL QUITE INEVITABLY DO . $ 02 I THOUGHT YOU DIDN'T GO MUCH ON LITERATURE . $ 06 I DON'T . $ THERE 'S ENOUGH TROUBLE ... $ 02 AS IT IS . $ 06 EXACTLY . $ BUT LOOKING UP OCCASIONALLY FROM MY SMEARS AND SLIDES , I DO THINK SOMEONE WHO IS AS DISTINGUISHED AND BEEN SUCH A FIGUR E , YES , BEEN , IS , WILL STILL BE , CONTINUE TO BE , IN NE ARLY ALL OUR LIVES OR WESTERN EUROPE'S OR AT LEAST A FEW SCH OOLS AND UNIVERSITIES AND WEEKLY PERIODICALS AND NEWSPAPERS , SHOULDN'T HAVE TO CLOWN ABOUT DOING INTERVIEWS AND LITERAR Y QUIZ GAMES AND BEING A FIRESIDE CHARACTER OR SAGE OR WHATE VER HE IS TO PEOPLE , WHICH I 'VE NO IDEA WHAT THAT IS AND D ON'T CARE AND NEITHER WILL THEY FOR DIFFERENT REASONS AND IN FIVE MINUTES EITHER BEFORE A NEW SERIES OR AFTER THE NEXT P ROGRAMME EVEN . $ EVEN ... $ 02 I DON'T UNDERSTAND THAT SENTENCE . $ 06 NOR ME . $ BUT THERE WAS SOME BACTERIA JUMPING ABOUT IN THERE IF YOU CA N BE BOTHERED AND WE NEITHER OF US CAN ... $ 02 YOU WERE SAYING ? $ 06 I JUST HOPE HE GETS PAID ALL HE CAN GET AND GETS SOME INN OCENT PLEASURE OUT OF IT , WHICH HE 'S ENTITLED TO WITHOUT C ENSORIOUS PHILISTINES LIKE ME OVER-REACTING TO ... $ AS FOR THIS PAPER , I QUITE AGREE WITH YOU THAT IT 'S PRETTY DEADLY - $ 02 DO YOU THINK YOU 'RE GETTING YOUR SENSE OF HUMOUR BACK AG AIN ? $ #23 $ 06 AS USUAL ... I NEVER LOST IT . $ IT WAS TAKEN FROM ME BY FORCE . $ 02 BY ME ? $ 06 NO . $ BY THE MYSTERIOUS , SATANIC LITTLE CREATURES THAT EVEN SOBER ENGLISH LADIES , COLONELS' LADIES , RESIDENTS AND MISSIONAR IES' LADIES USED TO OCCASIONALLY SPOT AFTER DAY-LONG TENNIS PARTIES IN THE DUSK OF FORGOTTEN ... COLONIAL DAYS . $ 02 NO . $ NOT FORGOTTEN . $ 06 NO , REMEMBERED IN WHITE AND PINK GEORGIAN BUILDINGS ... AND THE REEF PILOTED THROUGH BY NELSON HIMSELF , AND THE HAR BOUR WHERE THE AMERICAN TOURISTS THROW THEIR LITTER AND CART ONS AND BEER CANS AND COKE , ON THE WAY TO THE GIFT SHOPS WI TH THEIR TOUR GUIDES , AND " HELLO FOLKS " , THE PACKAGE SMI LES AND SURLINESS AND BLACK FEELING ALL ROUND , ALL , ALL OF A DIMNESS ... $ 02 THIS PLACE REALLY HAS GOT YOU DOWN . $ 06 NO IT HASN'T . $ AND THE REASON I READ THE PAPER IS BECAUSE THE BRIGADIER GOE S INTO TOWN AND GETS IT SPECIALLY FOR ME EVERY MORNING . $ 02 THAT 'S HIS EXCUSE . $ 06 HE CAN'T AFFORD IT . $ 02 YOU MEAN ROBIN CAN'T . $ 06 AND I KNOW THAT HE 'LL WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT PAGE BY PAGE FROM THE HOME NEWS TO THE LEADER AND LETTERS , TO THE RACIN G AT CATTERICK AND THE OBITUARIES AND COURT CIRCULAR . $ 02 FASCINATING . $ 06 NOT AT ALL FASCINATING . $ BUT PROBABLY AS MUCH OR AS MORE AS HE GETS FROM ROBIN ... $ 02 WHY DO YOU HAVE TO KNOCK MY SISTERS ? $ 06 I DON'T . $ AS YOU KNOW . $ YOU KNOW BETTER THAN I DO . $ 02 COME ON . $ #24 $ 06 WHAT ? $ 02 PLEASE . $ 06 PLEASE COME ON ? $ COME ON WHAT ? $ 02 BE FRIENDS . $ 06 WE ARE FRIENDS . $ 02 MARRIED - FRIENDS . $ 06 YES . $ MARRIED - FRIENDS ... $ 02 YOU ARE HAVING A GOOD TIME , AREN'T YOU ? $ 06 YES . $ ARE YOU ? $ 02 SURE . $ CAN I HAVE SOME OF YOUR DRINK ? $ 06 I 'LL CALL LEROI . $ 02 NO . $ I 'LL HAVE A SIP OF YOURS . $ 06 I 'LL GET ANOTHER . $ LEROI ! $ 02 WHAT HAVE I DONE NOW ? $ 06 LEROI ! $ COME ON , YOU SULLEN , CHARMLESS , UNBEAUTIFUL , BLACK BASTA RD . $ 02 DON'T GET ONE FOR ME . $ < ( LEROI AMBLES IN . ) > $ 06 ARE YOU SURE ? $ WELL , I WILL , ANYWAY . $ ANOTHER ONE PLEASE , LEROI . $ < ( LEROI LEAVES INTO THE COOL OF THE HOUSE . ) > $ SORRY TO BE A BOTHER ! $ 02 I WONDER WHAT IT WAS LIKE THEN , WHEN NELSON OR HOOD OR P OOR OLD ADMIRAL BYNG USED TO DROP IN . $ 06 RATHER PLEASANT AFTER BEING ABOARD THOSE SHIPS I SHOULD T HINK . $ 02 WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO BACK ? $ 06 WHERE ? $ 02 HOME . $ 06 WHAT FOR ? $ 02 YOU 'RE RESTLESS . $ 06 ONE THING I 'M NOT EVER IS RESTLESS , AT HOME OR ABROAD . .. $ HE SAID , TRYING TO SOUND AS PLEASED WITH HIMSELF AS POSSIBL E . $ #25 $ 02 WE 'RE ALL RIGHT , AREN'T WE ? $ 06 FINE . $ ALL RIGHT ... $ 02 YOU DON'T SOUND SURE . $ 06 NEITHER DO YOU . $ BUT I TAKE YOUR WORD FOR IT ... $ 02 DO YOU ? $ 06 I DID JUST SAY SO ... $ 02 DO YOU THINK ROBIN AND THE BRIGADIER WILL HAVE ANY CHILDR EN ? $ 06 IF THEY CAN AND WANT TO . $ WHY DON'T YOU ASK HER ? $ 02 I DON'T LIKE TO . $ 06 WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO ? $ 02 NO . $ IT 'S TOO PERSONAL . $ 06 INDEED . $ 02 PRIVATE . $ < ( LEROI COMES IN AND THEY WATCH HIM GO THROUGH THE SLOW BU SINESS OF PUTTING THE DRINK ON THE TABLE . $ HE GOES . ) > $ WHY DO YOU GET CROSS WHEN I ASK QUESTIONS ? $ 06 I DON'T . $ ONLY WHEN YOU EXPECT ANSWERS . $ 02 FRIENDS ? $ < ( SHE PUTS OUT HER HAND TO HIM . ) > $ 06 FRIENDS . $ 02 I DID PUT OUT MY HAND . $ 06 YES . $ I KNOW . $ FIRST . $ 02 DON'T SAY ANYTHING ... I TRY TO BE DETACHED . $ 06 WHY NOT ? $ IF IT MAKES YOU FEEL MORE REAL ? $ 02 REAL . $ WHAT 'S THAT , FOR GOD'S SAKE ? $ 06 YOU CAN PRODUCE EFFECTS IN REAL PEOPLE . $ INCLUDING ME , EVEN . $ AS IF YOU WERE THEM . $ OR ME . $ 02 I 'M AFRAID I DON'T UNDERSTAND THAT . $ AND I SHOULDN'T THINK YOU CAN . $ 06 NO . $ SOMETIMES I DON'T FEEL I CAN UNDERSTAND A WORD OF ANYTHING A NYONE SAYS TO ME . $ AS IF THEY WERE AS UNCLEAR AS I AM ... $ 02 TOO ABSTRACT FOR ME . $ #26 $ 06 IF YOU 'RE WAYWARD . $ 02 WAYWARD ? $ 06 OH , OR IMPOSSIBLE OR JUST DOTTY ENOUGH , YOU ESCAPE EVER Y , ANY COHERENCE OR INTENT THAT MIGHT BE IN THE WAY ... $ 02 WHAT 'LL WE DO TODAY ? $ SWIM BEFORE LUNCH ? $ 06 DON'T THINK I WILL . $ 02 DO YOU GOOD . $ 06 I KNOW . $ I 'VE PUT ON WEIGHT . $ 02 YOU HAVE . $ 06 ROBIN 'S COOKING . $ 02 WELL I THINK I 'LL GO . $ 06 I 'LL COME DOWN WITH YOU ... $ 02 ARE YOU SURE YOU WOULDN'T RATHER GO HOME ? $ 06 SURE . $ 06 YOU WOULDN'T LIKE TO GET BACK TO YOUR WORK ? $ 06 NO . $ I DON'T FIND WORK SO IRRESISTIBLE . $ 02 THAT 'S BECAUSE YOU 'RE LUCKY . $ YOU KNOW IT 'S THERE , WAITING FOR YOU . $ 06 THERE ARE EQUALLY ATTRACTIVE ALTERNATIVES TO WORK . $ 02 LIKE ? $ 06 IDLENESS , FOR ONE . $ YOU CAN ALWAYS MAKE A CHOICE . $ 02 NOT ALL OF US . $ IT 'S BEHIND US . $ 06 CAN WE LEAVE THAT ONE ALONE FOR A BIT . $ 02 OF COURSE ... I 'LL GET CHANGED . $ I CAN'T BEAR ABSTRACTIONS . $ SORT OF LABOUR-SAVING DEVICES . $ 06 THAT SOUNDS LIKE AN ABSTRACTION . $ 02 DOES IT ? $ WELL , I 'LL GO FOR THE CONCRETE ANY TIME . $ 06 THAT CAN BE JUST AS EVASIVE . $ DON'T ASK ME WHAT I MEAN . $ 02 I WASN'T GOING TO . $ I 'VE GIVEN ALL THAT UP ... $ 06 JUST AS WELL . $ 02 UM ? $ 06 I THINK I 'LL HAVE A QUICK DIP AFTER ALL . $ < ( ENTER MARY , FREDERICA'S YOUNGEST SISTER . $ HER HUSBAND , ROBERT WITH HER . $ #27 $ BOTH ABOUT MID-THIRTY . ) > $ 02 WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ? $ 05 JUST FOR A WALK , KEEPING AWAY FROM THE TOURISTS FROM THE CRUISE SHIP . $ 02 NOT ANOTHER LOT ! $ 05 I THINK THESE ARE ONLY HERE FOR THE DAY . $ WE WENT ALONG THE BEACH . $ 06 OH , YOU HARDLY EVER SEE THEM THERE . $ THEY DON'T LIKE THE IDEA OF WALKING . $ 02 DON'T THINK THEY CAN , YOU MEAN . $ 07 FEW LITTLE NIPS POPPING AWAY WITH CAMERAS AND AN ODD KRAU T OR TWO , BELLOWING AT THEIR FRAUS . $ 06 DIDN'T YOU NOTICE THE LITTLE FLEET OF OLD CARTONS AND COK E BOTTLES COMING ROUND THIS WAY ? $ YOU CAN SEE IT FROM HERE EVEN . $ REGULAR ARMADA OUT THERE . $ 07 ALSO , WE THOUGHT WE 'D NIP OFF EARLY SO THAT WE DIDN'T H AVE TO SAY GOODBYE TO THE BRIGADIER'S MAMA . $ 02 SHE HAS GONE , I HOPE ? $ 05 UNLESS THE PLANE'S CRASHED . $ 02 AS LONG AS SHE 'S ON IT , THAT 'S FINE . $ 05 ROBIN WENT WITH THEM , TO SEE HER OFF . $ AND THE BRIGADIER 'S GETTING THE PAPERS AND A FEW OTHER THIN GS . $ 02 WE STAYED IN BED TILL WE THOUGHT SHE 'D GONE ... $ 06 WELL , THE BRIGADIER SEEMS QUITE FOND OF HER . $ 02 HE DOESN'T HAVE TO PUT UP WITH HER LIKE THE REST OF US . $ HE 'S TOO BUSY WITH HIS VINES OR IN HIS WORKSHOP MAKING SOME OBJECT . $ ANYWAY , I DON'T THINK YOU SHOULD CALL HIM " BRIGADIER " . $ 06 WELL , HE IS , ISN'T HE ? $ 02 I SUPPOSE HE IS , THOUGH I 'VE GOT MY DOUBTS ABOUT IT . $ BUT PEOPLE DON'T CALL YOU " DOCTOR " . $ BESIDES YOU 'RE THE ONLY ONE WHO CALLS HIM IT TO HIS FACE . $ 06 WHY NOT ? $ #28 $ 02 BECAUSE IT SOUNDS AS IF YOU 'RE SENDING HIM UP . $ 06 I DON'T MEAN TO . $ 02 MAYBE . $ 05 I THINK YOU 'RE ALL A BIT MEAN ABOUT HIS MOTHER . $ SHE 'S NOT THAT BAD . $ AND SHE IS QUITE OLD . $ 02 THAT IS NO MITIGATION ANY MORE THAN YOUTH . $ SHE 'S A CRABBED OLD RAT BAG . $ IF I 'D HAVE KNOWN SHE 'D BE HERE I DON'T SUPPOSE I 'D HAVE COME . $ DAMN IT , ONE OF THE REASONS WE CAME OUT HERE WAS TO GET AWA Y FROM HAVING TO HAVE EDWARD'S MOTHER ANOTHER CHRISTMAS . $ 05 AND SEE ROBIN AND EVERYONE . $ 02 SURE . $ BUT I TELL YOU , I 'D HAVE GOT ON THE NEAREST DOG-SLED TO TH E SOUTH POLE TO GET AWAY FROM ONE MORE CHRISTMAS WITH THAT O LD GANGSTER . $ COMPLAINING , AND WAILING AND SCHEMING , IMPOSSIBLE TO PLEAS E . $ LIKE HAVING AN INCONTINENT , SUPER-ANNUATED MAFIA IN YOUR SI TTING ROOM ALL DAY . $ EVEN EDWARD CAN'T STAND HER , THOUGH HE NEVER TELLS HER TO H ER FACE AND HE REALLY - AND HE REALLY - HATES HER MORE THAN I DO . $ 07 MEN'S MUMS ARE USUALLY WORSE . $ 02 THE CHRISTMAS BEFORE I NEARLY WENT INTO THE LONDON CLINIC AFTERWARDS FOR THE REST OF THE YEAR . $ ACTUALLY , I 'LL SAY THIS , WHICH ISN'T MUCH , FOR THE BRIGA DIER'S MAMA - SHE 'S GOT A BIT MORE CLASS THAN EDWARD'S , EV EN IF SHE DOES PRETEND SHE 'S NOT DEAF . $ AT LEAST , SHE DOESN'T LOOK AS IF SHE 'S HAD THE CURSE EVERY DAY FOR THE PAST SIXTY-FIVE YEARS . $ 07 SHE 'S GOT CHRONIC MENSTRUATION , NEVER LAUGHS , NEVER SM ILES , MINE'S A DISMAL OCCUPATION , CRACKING ICE FOR GRANDMA 'S PILES . $ 06 OH , I REMEMBER THAT . $ #29 $ 02 MEN - $ 06 WHAT 'S THE VERSE AFTER THAT ? $ 07 EVEN NOW THE BABY 'S STARTED , HAVING EPILEPTIC FITS ; EV ERY TIME IT COUGHS IT FARTS , EVERY TIME IT FARTS IT SHITS . $ 02 IF IT 'S GRUBBY-MINDED , THEY 'LL REMEMBER IT . $ 06 THAT 'S IT : YET WE ARE NOT BROKEN-HEARTED , NEITHER ARE WE UP THE SPOUT . $ 02 OR SCHOOLBOY ENOUGH . $ 07 AUNTIE RACHEL HAS JUST FARTED , BLOWN HER ARSEHOLE INSIDE OUT . $ 06 OR - INNOCENT ENOUGH . $ 05 WHO NEEDS MEN ? $ 02 I THINK - MOSTLY - OTHER MEN . $ 05 PERHAPS WE SHOULD DO WITHOUT 'EM ALTOGETHER . $ 06 I HOPE YOU ALL SHALL . $ 05 BE CAREFUL . $ 02 YES . $ YOU 'RE ALL LIKELY TO BE TAKEN UP ON IT ANY MOMENT . $ 06 WE HAVE LOOKED UPWARDS AT THE HEAVENS AND SEEN THE SIGNS BROODING OVER US , AND TAKEN ... DUE NOTE . $ 02 GOOD . $ < ( TO MARY ) > $ COMING FOR A SWIM ? $ 05 OH . $ I DON'T KNOW REALLY . $ I 'VE GOT AN ODD SORE ON MY THIGH . $ IT DOESN'T SEEM TO HEAL . $ 02 NOTHING DOES HERE . $ COME ON . $ 07 I THINK SHE 'S A BIT SELF-CONSCIOUS ABOUT IT . $ 02 IN FRONT OF HER SISTER AND HER HUSBAND - COME ON . $ EVEN THE SALT WATER IN THIS SEA MUST HAVE SOME SALTY OLD NAT URAL ANTISEPTIC IN IT SOMEWHERE . $ 07 DO YOU MIND IF I HAVE A DRINK FIRST ? $ 02 IF YOU DON'T MIND WAITING FOR FLASH LEROI , THE GENI OF T HE ISLAND . $ #30 $ 07 OH YES . $ < ( CALLS ) > $ LEROI ! $ 02 YOU 'LL HAVE TO DO BETTER THAN THAT . $ HE 'LL JUST PRETEND HE 'S NOT HEARD . $ 07 LEROI ! $ 06 LEROI ! $ 02 EITHER HE 'LL HAVE HEARD IT OR WE 'LL BE TRAMPLED UNDER A TURTLE STAMPEDE . $ 06 < ( TO MARY ) > $ WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO LOOK AT THAT SORE PLACE FOR YOU ? $ 05 NO , THANKS . $ I 'VE BOUGHT SOME STUFF AT THE CHEMIST AND OLD HARRY 'S GIVE N ME SOMETHING . $ 02 HARRY 'S GOT MORE MEDICINES THAN EDWARD EVER HAS . $ 06 MOSTLY LOCAL HERBS AND STUFF BUT THEY 'RE PROBABLY MORE E FFECTIVE THAN ANYTHING YOU 'LL BUY . $ HE 'S FULL OF LOCAL FOLK-LORE AND BENEVOLENT WITCHCRAFT . $ 02 HARRY MUST BE THE ONLY AMERICAN TO STAY HERE LONGER THAN A WEEK . $ 06 MAYBE THEY 'RE RIGHT . $ 02 MAYBE . $ 05 HE MUST BE THE OLDEST - I WAS GOING TO SAY EUROPEAN - WEL L , RESIDENT . $ 02 I THINK THAT PALM GOES TO LAMB . $ HE WAS CLATTERING HIS GOLDEN TYPEWRITER OUT THERE JUST AFTER THE WAR . $ 07 OUR WAR , YOU MEAN ? $ 02 YES . $ OURS . $ 05 THAT MAKES ROBIN AND THE BRIGADIER PRACTICALLY NEWCOMERS . $ 06 UNTIL THE NEXT WAVE . $ IT 'S WHAT I THINK THEY CALL " RIPE FOR DEVELOPMENT " . $ 02 NOTHING HEALS , EVERYTHING GOES ROTTEN OR MILDEWED . $ SLIMY . $ IT 'S LIKE A GREAT GREEN BOMBED GARDEN ... $ 07 LOOK AT THOSE BIRDS . $ #31 $ 02 DON'T YOU START . $ 07 WHAT ARE THEY , TERN ? $ 02 WE 'VE NAMED THEM " THE DUFFERS " . $ 05 WHY ? $ 02 MR. AND MRS. DUFFER . $ BECAUSE THEY 'RE SO HELPLESS . $ HELPLESS AND HOPELESS . $ THEY MANAGED TO BANG OUT SOME EGGS , HALF OF WHICH I THINK T HEY BROKE THEMSELVES . $ THEY HALF BUILT A NEST , THEN IT BLEW DOWN . $ AND WHEN THEY FINISHED ONE FINALLY THEY CAN HARDLY REMEMBER WHERE THEY PUT IT . $ 06 I FIND THAT QUITE LIKEABLE . $ 02 I DON'T KNOW WHICH OF THEM IS WORSE , HIM OR HER . $ BOTH HOPELESS . $ 06 TENDING YOUR OWN GARDEN 'S NOT A BAD RESORT , EVEN IF IT IS THE LAST ONE AND BOMBED AT THAT ... $ 02 WELL , IF NO ONE 'S COMING , I THINK I 'LL HAVE MY DIP BE FORE ROBIN AND THE BRIGADIER COME BACK TO TELL ME I MUSTN'T SPOIL THE LUNCH . $ 05 I 'D COME BUT ALASTAIR 'S COMING AND HE 'LL GET CROSS IF MY HAIR 'S ALL FULL OF SALT AND GREASY . $ 02 IS HE COMING TO CRIMP YOUR HAIR ? $ 05 YES . $ HE 'S DOING IT THIS AFTERNOON . $ 02 WOULD YOU ASK HIM TO DO MINE ? $ I 'VE NOTHING TO DO . $ 05 RIGHT . $ 06 I 'LL COME AND WATCH YOU . $ 02 JUST AS YOU LIKE ... $ < ( EDWARD FOLLOWS HER OFF . ) > $ 05 DID I SAY ANYTHING ? $ 07 SHE 'S YOUR SISTER . $ 05 I DON'T KNOW WHAT ANY OF THEM ARE THINKING . $ I NEVER HAVE DONE . $ ROBIN OR EVANGIE NEITHER . $ 07 NOR DOES EDWARD . $ 05 YOU ARE ENJOYING YOURSELF ? $ 07 THE FARE WAS EXPENSIVE . $ BUT OTHERWISE IT 'S CHEAP . $ #32 $ AND THE COMPANY 'S GOOD . $ 05 WHO ? $ 07 YOU , DOZEY . $ ... $ THE ONE THING ABOUT FREDERICA . $ SHE 'S ADROIT . $ SHE CAN EVEN MAKE EDWARD FEEL HE 'S CREATED A SITUATION WHEN IT 'S ALL HERS . $ WE 'RE ALL RELATIVELY INNOCENT . $ 05 DO YOU THINK ANYONE 'S ENJOYING IT ? $ 07 ME . $ 05 AND ROBIN AND THE BRIGADIER ? $ 07 THEY HAVE TO . $ THEY 'VE CHOSEN TO LIVE HERE . $ 05 YES . $ ODD TO THINK OF THEM ACTUALLY LIVING HERE . $ 07 IMPROVISING . $ GETTING THINGS DONE . $ PLUMBING , A NEW BATHROOM AND SHOWER , OR EXTRA GUEST ROOM . .. $ 05 YES , BUT SWIMMING AND SUNSHINE . $ 07 EVERY DAY . $ 05 NO TAXES . $ 07 HARDLY . $ 05 IT SEEMED AS IF WE WERE ALL ON HOLIDAY AGAIN AT FIRST . $ ... $ LEROI NEVER CAME . $ 07 I THINK ONE DAY WE 'LL CALL AND HE 'LL NOT BE THERE . $ AND SOMEONE , ROBIN AND THE BRIGADIER ANYHOW , WILL BE ON TH EIR OWN . $ 05 I THINK I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN ... $ 07 STILL , AS YOU SAY , FOR THE MEANTIME , THERE 'S STILL TE NNIS AND WATER-SKIING . $ THE CLUB , LONG DRINKS . $ GOLF COURSE . $ 05 AND AMERICANS . $ DO YOU THINK THEY 'LL STAY ? $ 07 THE AMERICANS ? $ OH , BUILD MORE HOTELS I DARE SAY . $ 05 NO , FREDERICA AND EDWARD ? $ 07 DON'T KNOW . $ THEY 'RE RICH ENOUGH TO CUT HOLIDAYS SHORT . $ REMEMBER , WITH HER , IT 'S ALL OR NOTHING , AND AS YOU CAN' T GET ALL , NOT REALLY ANYWHERE ... $ #33 $ < ( ENTER ROBIN AND THE BRIGADIER . ) > $ 03 HULLO . $ WHERE 'S EVERYONE GONE TO ? $ 07 YOUR DAD 'S GONE FOR A WALK AND TO BUY A NEW HAT AGAINST THE SUN . $ AND FRED AND TED HAVE GONE FOR A DIP . $ AT LEAST , SHE HAS . $ 03 WHAT ABOUT THE OTHERS ? $ 05 WELL , ALASTAIR SHOULD BE HERE SOON . $ AND I EXPECT DADDY WON'T BE LONG . $ 08 ISN'T LAMB COMING ? $ 05 I EXPECT HE 'LL PICK UP ALASTAIR IN HIS CAR . $ 03 ONLY THE BRIGADIER 'S MAKING ONE OF HIS SCUFFLES AND HE ' S ALREADY HAD TOO MUCH AT THE AIRPORT AND THE CLUB WHILE I W AS SHOPPING . $ 08 I DIDN'T . $ 07 DID THE OLD LADY GET OFF ALL RIGHT THEN ? $ 03 USUAL DELAYS . $ 08 ONLY THING LEFT OVER FROM THE ANCIEN REGIME AND THAT 'S R ED TAPE AND IT GROWS LIKE FLOWERS IN THIS CLIMATE . $ 03 EXAMINED HER PASSPORT , MONEY , SEARCH FOR FIRE-ARMS . $ EVERYTHING . $ SHE 'D EVEN MANAGED TO CONVINCE HERSELF SHE 'D HAD A GOOD TI ME BEFORE SHE GOT THERE . $ AND THEN ... $ 08 BETTER SEE WHAT LEROI 'S UP TO . $ I CAN GET THE SALAD GOING , AT LEAST , AND THE WINE . $ 03 I TOLD HIM TO DO ALL THAT . $ 08 I KNOW . $ DRINKS ALL CHARGED ? $ GOOD . $ < ( HE GOES OUT . ) > $ 03 AND THERE 'S ALWAYS HARRY . $ HE 'LL DROP IN ANY OLD TIME . $ 05 CAN I HELP ? $ 03 NO . $ YOU 'RE HERE TO RELAX . $ AFTER ALL , WE LIVE HERE . $ ... $ DO YOU THINK THEY 'RE HAVING A GOOD TIME ? $ 05 FREDERICA ? $ 03 YES . $ #34 $ 07 ENORMOUS . $ ... $ YOU KNOW WHAT PEOPLE ARE LIKE . $ 03 THAT 'S THE TROUBLE . $ I DON'T . $ I JUST GAVE UP , YEARS AGO . $ EVEN MY SISTERS , NO , MOSTLY MY SISTERS , EXCEPT PERHAPS MA RY HERE . $ AND THEY 'VE GIVEN ME UP TOO . $ 05 WELL , YOU DO LIVE WHAT 'S CALLED " OUT OF THE WAY " . $ 03 I KNOW . $ BUT THAT 'S WHY WE CAME HERE IN THE FIRST PLACE . $ EVANGIE 'S WORKING ON HER BOOK I SUPPOSE ? $ 05 SOMEWHERE . $ 03 SHE NEVER SEEMS TO LET UP . $ I SAID TO HER : COME FOR A " HOLIDAY " . $ 05 YOU KNOW EVANGIE . $ WORK IS EVERYTHING . $ 03 NOT IF IT 'S NEVER PLAY AS WELL . $ WORRYING ABOUT THE REVIEWS - $ 07 WHICH HARDLY ANYONE READS ANYWAY . $ 03 WORRYING ABOUT THE NEXT THING SHE 'S GOING TO DO . $ 07 AND THE ONE AFTER THAT . $ AND AFTER THAT . $ NO ONE OWES THAT TO POSTERITY . $ WHAT DOES IT DO FOR YOU ? $ 03 I THINK CHRISTOPHER MAY BE RIGHT ABOUT THE PAST AFTER ALL . $ 05 WHAT DO YOU MEAN ? $ 03 LOOKING OVER HIS SHOULDER ALL THE TIME , LIVING OFF THE T HINGS DADDY 'S DONE , RATHER THAN WHAT HE 'S DOING HIMSELF N OW . $ 07 WELL , THE FUTURE OWES NO ONE A LIVING . $ AFTER ALL , IT 'S DONE NOTHING FOR YOU ... $ 03 STILL , IT 'S A STRANGE THING , GIVING YOURSELF UP TO THE REPUTATION OF AN OLD MAN . $ AND AN OLD MAN SO DEMANDING ... AND SELF-PROTECTIVE . $ IT ISN'T THAT THE OLD THING IS SOME GIANT . $ 05 WE MAY NOT BE THE JUDGES OF THAT . $ HE 'S NOT HALF BAD ... $ 07 EVEN IF HE 'S ONLY HALF GOOD , ONE SHOULDN'T BE ON TRIAL BY ONE'S DAUGHTERS . $ IT WOULD MAKE PARLOUR KING LEARS OUT OF A LOT OF US . $ #35 $ 03 PERHAPS HAVING CHILDREN OF YOUR OWN PUTS ONE IN A DIFFERE NT POSITION TO YOUR OWN FATHER , AND THAT 'S WHY FREDERICA A ND I ARE MORE CRITICAL OF HIM . $ 05 I MAY BE JUST LESS CRITICAL . $ ... $ BUT EVANGIE WORSHIPS HIM . $ THAT MIGHT BE BECAUSE SHE FEELS IN BLOOD COMPETITION . $ 05 AS A WRITER TOO . $ 05 HIS ACHIEVEMENT . $ 03 AN EXAMPLE . $ 07 OF EXCELLENCE . $ OR , AS YOU SAY , NUDGING IT . $ 03 CHRISTOPHER FEELS THAT OBVIOUSLY . $ ROBERT , AS SOMEONE SAID , IF YOU 'VE NO WORLD OF YOUR OWN , IT 'S RATHER PLEASANT TO REGRET THE PASSING OF SOMEONE ELSE 'S . $ 05 I THINK EVANGIE 'S A BIT KEEN ON HIM . $ 03 IS SHE REALLY ? $ I 'D HAVE THOUGHT HE WASN'T SUCCESSFUL ENOUGH , TOO MUCH OF A DISUSED HULK . $ ANYWAY , I CAN'T SEE CHRISTOPHER TURNING HIS HEAD FORWARD TO AN AFFAIR WITH SOMEONE LIKE EVANGIE . $ 05 OR MARRIAGE ? $ 05 LEAST OF ALL . $ HE 'S LEFT THAT BEHIND HIM . $ JUST SO MUCH DISCARDED WRECKAGE AND MESSY DEBRIS . $ LIKE BITS OF OLD CARS DUMPED IN THE WOODS . $ 05 I CAN'T THINK HE CAN FEEL AS BLEAK AS ALL THAT , OTHERWIS E HE COULDN'T BE SO CHEERFUL AT DEVOTING ALL HIS TIME TO DAD DY AND NANNYING HIM LIKE HE DOES . $ 07 I DON'T KNOW . $ IT MIGHT BE A CASE OF FATIGUE . $ SHAKY STRUCTURE . $ APOLOGETIC FOR WHAT ONE IS , AFRAID OF WHAT WE MAY BECOME . $ 05 YOU MAKE HIM SOUND SUCH A MEDIOCRITY . $ 07 I DON'T THINK HE IS . $ HE MAY WANT TOO MUCH , AND UNLIKE EVANGIE , HE 'S GIVEN UP . $ PEOPLE DO SOMETIMES CHOOSE MEDIOCRITY . $ #36 $ 05 BUT CAN YOU REALLY CHOOSE IT ? $ 07 I DON'T SEE WHY NOT . $ IT 'S A WAY OUT OF FEELING ISOLATED . $ LIKE A HORSE'S TWITCH , YOU APPLY PAIN TO THE NOSE - TO DIVE RT IT FROM THE KNIFE CUTTING INTO IT FROM BEHIND . $ OR WHEREVER IT MAY BE ... $ 03 I THINK IF HE 'S GOT EYES FOR ANYONE , IT 'S FREDERICA . $ 07 NOT MUCH JOY THERE , I 'D HAVE THOUGHT . $ 03 NO . $ SHE AND EDWARD ARE AT LEAST MATCHED . $ 07 THAT WOULD BE SWAPPING ONE TWITCH FOR ANOTHER . $ SHE 'D EAT HIM BEFORE BREAKFAST . $ 03 I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THAT . $ BUT IT WOULD CERTAINLY BE HURTFUL ALL ROUND . $ STILL , I 'VE WATCHED HIM WITH HER . $ HE 'S CERTAINLY FASCINATED BY ALL THOSE STRAIGHT , MASCULINE GESTURES OF HERS AND WHAT HE THINKS IS OPENNESS . $ 07 INSTEAD OF A DISGUISE ? $ 03 YES . $ 05 DO YOU IMAGINE EDWARD 'S NOTICED ? $ 03 PROBABLY . $ BUT SHE KNOWS THERE 'S NOT MUCH PAIN SHE CAN CAUSE THERE . $ BESIDES , I DON'T THINK SHE HAS MUCH REGARD FOR CHRIS . $ THOUGH , THAT MIGHT NOT MATTER OF COURSE . $ 07 COULD BE THE OPPOSITE . $ 03 AND , HE MAY BE , EVEN HE , WELL , GETTING A BIT TIRED OF COPING WITH THE OLD MAN ... I SAY , WE DO OBSERVE ONE ANOTH ER AND SPECULATE AND CHATTER ON ABOUT THE OTHERS . $ 07 PERHAPS IT 'S BEING SISTERS . $ ALL FOUR OF YOU . $ EVEN TO AN OUTSIDER , THERE 'S SOMETHING FASCINATING TO WATC H IN IT . $ AN INNER CIRCLE OF LIVES . $ ONE 'S ALMOST TEMPTED TO TRY EACH ONE IN TURN . $ 05 NOT ANY MORE , I HOPE . $ 07 I 'M TOO NEAR THE CIRCLE . $ 03 YES . $ AND SHARING THE SAME PARENTS . $ BUT ALL DIFFERENT . $ #37 $ 05 AND LIVING DIFFERENT LIVES , HAVING HUSBANDS AND LOVERS O R NOT , OR CHILDREN OR NOT . $ 07 IN-LAWS . $ 03 DON'T . $ AT LEAST I KNOW MINE'S SAFELY ON THE PLANE FOR ANOTHER TWELV E MONTHS ANYWAY . $ SOMETIMES I DON'T GIVE THE BRIGADIER HER LETTERS TO HIM . $ IT OFTEN KILLS THE MORNING . $ HE SITS OUT IN HIS OLD SHED , BROODING AND SMOKING AND THEN DRINKS TOO MUCH OF HIS OWN WINE FOR LUNCH AND HAS TO LIE DOW N FOR THE REST OF THE DAY . $ WHAT 'S GOING ON TODAY , ANYWAY ? $ 05 WELL , ROBERT , I EXPECT , WILL DO NOTHING AGAIN . $ ALASTAIR 'S COMING TO DO MY HAIR . $ 03 AH , YES . $ I HOPE HE DOESN'T BRING ANYONE . $ OH , WELL , DOESN'T MATTER . $ YOU ALL SEEM TO LIKE HIM . $ 05 HE 'S THOUGHTFUL AND ATTENTIVE . $ AND KIND . $ HE AMUSES DADDY . $ AND THE BRIGADIER LIKES HIM . $ AND HE 'S KEEN ON FREDERICA . $ SHE 'S BEAUTIFUL AND SHE MAKES HIM LAUGH . $ 03 AND SHE 'S GOT HAIR HE CALLS " GOOD STUFF " . $ NOT LIKE MY MOP . $ 07 EVERYONE DOES LIKE HIM . $ HE GIVES YOU A FEELING HE 'S JUST ABOUT TO DO OR SAY SOMETHI NG BRAVE . $ INSTEAD OF JUST CAMP . $ 05 YOU 'RE RIGHT ABOUT DADDY . $ 07 OH YES , HE 'S ALWAYS SAYING TO ME " WHEN 'S THAT NICE LI TTLE QUEER BOY COMING ROUND ? " $ 03 YES , HE 'S ALWAYS ASKING ME THE SAME THINGS ABOUT PEOPLE HE 'S GOING TO MEET . $ " WILL I LIKE HIM ? " $ THEN " IS HE A BUGGER OR A JEW ? " $ < ( ENTER CHRISTOPHER AND EVANGIE . ) > $ 09 YOU 'RE TALKING ABOUT WYATT . $ BEHIND MY BACK . $ 03 WHY NOT ? $ WE HAVE KNOWN HIM QUITE A LONG TIME . $ 09 SURE . $ LONGER THAN I HAVE . $ BEFORE I 'D HEARD OF HIM . $ #38 $ 04 HE 'S SAID THAT AS LONG AS I REMEMBER . $ " WILL I LIKE HIM ? " $ AND THEN " DO YOU THINK HE 'LL LIKE ME ? " $ 09 I 'VE BEEN ASLEEP . $ APART FROM A PHONE CALL . $ THEN EVANGIE'S TYPEWRITER WOKE ME - $ 04 SORRY . $ 09 I SHOULD HAVE BEEN UP . $ I MADE HER COME OUT FOR SOME SEA AIR . $ WHERE 'S THE OLD BOY ? $ 03 UP FIRST THING . $ GONE FOR HIS WALK . $ AND A NEW HAT . $ I SAID I 'D THROW THE OLD ONE AWAY . $ 04 I THINK HE INHERITED IT FROM GEORGE MOORE OR SOMEBODY . $ 09 YEATS , I THINK . $ 04 OH . $ SORRY . $ 09 DON'T . $ IT 'S NOT VERY IMPORTANT . $ 04 IT IS - TO HIM . $ 09 NOT NECESSARILY . $ 03 ALASTAIR 'S COMING FOR LUNCH . $ DO YOU WANT YOUR HAIR DONE ? $ 04 OH , YES . $ 03 WHAT 'S WYATT UP TO AFTER LUNCH ? $ 09 I 'VE ARRANGED AN INTERVIEW FOR HIM . $ WITH THE ISLAND NEWSPAPER , WHATEVER IT IS ... $ 05 HE 'LL HATE THAT . $ 03 NO HE WON'T . $ HE 'LL MAKE US AND CHRISTOPHER THINK HE DOES . $ OR TRY TO . $ 04 AND WHY NOT ? $ 07 WHY NOT ? $ 09 INDEED . $ 07 YOU CAN'T MAKE PEOPLE LIKE WYATT DO THINGS HE DOESN'T REA LLY WANT TO DO . $ EVEN CHRISTOPHER . $ IT 'S A MISTAKE ONE 'S INCLINED TO MAKE . $ < ( ENTER WYATT . $ HE IS ABOUT SEVENTY , FLUSHED AND HOT FROM HIS WALK . ) > $ 01 WHAT 'S THAT ? $ WHAT ARE YOU SAYING ? $ YOU CAN'T BE TALKING ABOUT ME . $ GOSH , I 'M IN A SOAK FROM ALL THIS SUN ! $ #39 $ WHAT A DAY IT IS ! $ THINK OF ALL THOSE PEOPLE FREEZING IN THE HOME COUNTIES , HO PING THE RAILS AND POINTS WON'T ICE UP AGAIN ! $ ICE AND FLOODS TO COME , I DARE SAY . $ AND EVERYBODY 'LL BE SO ASTONISHED . $ AS USUAL . $ I HAVE HAD A TIME . $ SPOKE TO SUCH A NICE LOT OF PEOPLE . $ CHARMING LOT IN THE SHOPS , AND I WENT TO THAT SMASHING LITT LE MARKET . $ GOT A SPLENDID NEW HAT . $ DO YOU LIKE IT ? $ 03 QUITE AN IMPROVEMENT . $ 01 COULDN'T BEAR TO PART WITH THE OLD ONE . $ POOR OLD THING . $ THEY PUT IT IN THIS PARCEL FOR ME , ALL DONE UP . $ CAN'T REMEMBER WHO GAVE IT ME . $ 04 GEORGE MOORE . $ 01 NO , IT WASN'T HIM . $ 09 YEATS . $ 01 NO . $ SOMEONE ... I SAY , YOU DO LOOK IN THE PINK , ALL OF YOU . $ HOW NICE . $ YOU 'RE SUCH A GOOD SIGHT TO COME BACK TO . $ I 'M QUITE TIRED . $ BEEN WALKING SINCE BREAKFAST . $ OLD LEROI CAN BE QUITE GOOD , YOU KNOW . $ I KNOW YOU DON'T GO ON HIM MUCH BUT LOVELY POACHED EGGS HE G OT . $ ASKED HIM WHAT HE THOUGHT ABOUT THE ENGLISH , AND DO YOU KNO W WHAT HE SAID : " I 'M GLAD THEY 'VE GONE , SIR , BUT AN EN GLISH MILLIONAIRE IS STILL WORTH MORE THAN AN AMERICAN MILLI ONAIRE . " $ 07 DEPENDS ON HOW MANY MILLIONS . $ 03 HE MEANS WE 'RE BETTER TIPPERS . $ 01 WENT ALL ROUND THE BAY . $ QUITE EMPTY . $ NOT AN AMERICAN IN SIGHT . $ NOT EVEN OLD HARRY . $ 03 HE 'S NOT EXACTLY A TOURIST . $ 01 NO . $ SWEET OLD THING . $ HAD A GOOD SQUIZ AT ALL THE CORAL . $ REMARKABLE . $ REAL CAPTAIN COOK , DARWIN SORT OF THING . $ SAW NELSON'S LITTLE PLACE . $ IF EVER IT WAS , ANYWAY , ALL JOLLY NICE . $ WHAT 'S FOR LUNCH ? $ 03 SALAD AND SOUFFLE . $ AND SOME FISH . $ THE BRIGADIER 'S LAID IT ALL ON TODAY . $ #40 $ 01 GOOD OLD BRIGADIER . $ OFFICER MATERIAL ALL RIGHT . $ I OFTEN THINK OF HIM IN THE WAR AND ALL THAT . $ ALL I EVER DID WAS FILL IN FORMS FOR SUPPLIES IN DELHI MOST OF THE TIME . $ WHAT HAVE YOU ALL BEEN DOING ? $ 03 CHATTING , SEEING OFF MOTHERS ... $ 01 SHE GO OFF ALL RIGHT ? $ 03 YES , BUT IT SEEMED LIKE TOUCH AND GO FOR A WHILE . $ WHEN IT TOOK OFF I HAD A LARGE BRANDY . $ 01 OH , DEAR , SHE 'S NOT ALL THAT MUCH OLDER THAN ME . $ I HOPE YOU DON'T HAVE TO HAVE LARGE BRANDIES AFTER SEEING ME OFF . $ 03 DON'T BE SILLY , PAPA . $ YOU KNOW YOU 'RE WELCOME AS LONG AS YOU LIKE . $ 05 THE THING IS YOU 'RE TOO RESTLESS TO STAY ANYWHERE TOO LO NG . $ 04 BESIDES , YOU DO , AT LEAST , SEEM TO ENJOY EVERYTHING - WHILE IT LASTS , ANYWAY . $ 07 INSTEAD OF LOOKING LIKE A PROFESSIONAL SPARE PRICK AT A W EDDING . $ 01 OH , THAT IS GOOD ! $ 05 ROBERT ! $ REALLY ... $ 01 OH , DEAR , DO I SEEM EASILY BORED ? $ I DON'T THINK I AM . $ NO , I JUST LIKE TO WADDLE OF IN ALL DIRECTIONS . $ WHILE I 'M STILL ABLE TO . $ SHE SEEMED QUITE A SPRIGHTLY OLD TROUT . $ OF COURSE , I SUPPOSE WE HAD ODD COMMON POINTS OF INTEREST , PEOPLE WE BOTH KNEW . $ THAT 'S ONE OF THE THINGS ABOUT AGE , YOU FIND LESS AND LESS PEOPLE WHO REMEMBER THE THINGS YOU DO . $ OF COURSE , THE BRIGADIER'S FATHER WAS IN THE COLONIAL SERVI CE , LIKE YOUR GRANDFATHER , SO THERE WAS ALL THAT . $ THEN THERE WAS THE WAR . $ SHE REMEMBERED THAT . $ 07 YOURS OR OURS ? $ 01 MINE , I SUPPOSE , THOUGH I DON'T REMEMBER MUCH OF IT . $ #41 $ I REMEMBER YOURS , AS YOU CALL IT , ALL THE RATION BOOKS AND BEING SNUBBED AND KEPT WAITING AT THE FOOD OFFICE . $ 03 DON'T ! $ 04 MOST OF THE PEOPLE I MEET DON'T EVEN REMEMBER THAT . $ OR THEY 'VE FORGOTTEN . $ 05 OR THEY THINK YOU MEAN KOREA OR EVEN VIETNAM . $ 01 ONLY THINGS I REMEMBER WELL ARE THE LIST OF NAMES OF OLD BOYS KILLED OR WOUNDED BEING READ OUT BY THE HOUSEMASTER IN CHAPEL . $ THAT AND BEING CHASED BY A HORDE OF WOMEN , VERY MIDDLE-CLAS S SORT OF WOMEN , HALF WAY ACROSS SOUTHSEA BECAUSE I WASN'T IN UNIFORM . $ JOLLY THANKFUL I WAS TOO . $ TOO FEEBLE TO BE A CONCHIE AND TOO MUCH OF A FUNK TO FACE AL L THAT MUD AND BULLYING AND LIMBS BLOWN OFF . $ OH , NO . $ OF COURSE , I WAS ONLY ABOUT FOURTEEN BUT " TALL FOR MY AGE " , AS THEY SAID THEN . $ " OUTGROWING MY STRENGTH " . $ SCHOOL WAS BAD ENOUGH , AT LEAST I SUPPOSE IT WASN'T QUITE A S BAD . $ DO YOU KNOW , I WAS ASKING THE BRIGADIER THE OTHER DAY WHY T HIS HOUSE WAS CALLED " MESOPOTAMIA " ? $ APPARENTLY , HIS FATHER WAS THERE IN 1917 OR WHENEVER IT WAS . $ ALWAYS THOUGHT IF I 'D HAD TO GO , OR BE DRAGGED OFF , I 'D RATHER HAVE GONE THERE . $ EXPECT I 'D HAVE BEEN STUNG BY A WASP AND DIED LIKE POOR LIT TLE R. BROOKE . $ FUNNY END FOR A POET , I MEAN GENUINELY FUNNY . $ I THINK I 'D PREFER TO BE STUNG TO DEATH RATHER THAN TO WAKE UP IN SOME AGONISING WARD WITH HALF OF ME SHOT AWAY AND THE REST IN TORMENT . $ DON'T YOU ? $ 07 RIGHT . $ WHAT SCHOOL DID YOU GO TO ? $ 01 MARLBOROUGH . $ THAT WAS MY WESTERN FRONT . $ PERHAPS IT WASN'T SO BAD , THOUGH ALL THE ONES I 'VE SPOKEN TO WHO WERE THERE THEN WHO SAY THEY WERE HAPPY ARE THE MOST AWFUL TYPES . $ #42 $ OVERWEANING LITTLE SWOTS OR THUMPING GREAT PRUSSIAN SONS OF GREAT ALBION . $ ALL BECOME FLORID M.P.S OR SARKY-TONGUED BULLIES AT THE BAR ; CLAMMY OLD BISHOPS AND ARCHBISHOPS OR THOSE HUGE SURGEONS WHO TOWER OVER YOU IN GREEN AND RUBBER WELLIES AND CALL THEI R PATIENTS " THE MEAT " . $ OF COURSE I WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO DIDN'T GO TO ETON . $ MY FATHER WENT , SO DID ALL MY ELDER BROTHERS . $ 09 WHY WAS THAT ? $ 01 FOR ONE THING I WAS A SKINNY , RUNTISH THING , ALTHOUGH I WAS TALL AND NONE OF MY BROTHERS' CLOTHES EVER FITTED ME . $ BECAUSE , OF COURSE , BEING THE LAST , I WORE THEIR CAST-OFF JACKETS AND EVEN TROUSERS . $ ALWAYS HAD A PATCH ON SLEEVES JUST BELOW THE ELBOWS , SO I A LWAYS FELT COLD AND HAD CHILBLAINS . $ ANYWAY , FATHER DECIDED I NEEDED " TOUGHENING UP " AT A REAL LY TOUGH SCHOOL . $ ACTUALLY IT WAS BECAUSE HE 'D ALREADY SENT FIVE SONS TO ETON AND THE YEAR I LEFT MY PREP SCHOOL , THE ROOF OF THE HOUSE HAD TO BE COMPLETELY RENEWED AND THE OLD BOY SAID HE COULDN' T AFFORD THE FEES AT ETON , EVEN WITH REDUCTIONS . $ SO : THAT 'S HOW I GOT TO MARLBOROUGH . $ THOUGH I BELIEVE IT 'S QUITE A JOLLY PLACE NOWADAYS , POP MU SIC AND EVEN GIRLS , GIRLS ! $ WHAT IT COULD HAVE BEEN LIKE ! $ DO YOU KNOW WHAT THE CURE FOR CHILBLAINS WAS THEN ? $ SOAKING YOUR FEET AND HANDS IN YOUR OWN PEE . $ MOST UNPLEASANT - YOU PONGED ALL OVER THE CLASSROOM AND WERE N'T EVEN WARM WHEN YOU DUNKED YOURSELF . $ 03 WELL , I 'D BETTER RESCUE THE BRIGADIER FROM LEROI . $ I HOPE FREDERICA ISN'T TOO LATE FOR LUNCH . $ THE OLD CHAP GETS AWFULLY UPSET IF HIS COOKING IS SPOILED . $ #43 $ 05 START WITHOUT THEM . $ 03 NO . $ HE LIKES EVERYONE TO SIT DOWN . $ 01 QUITE RIGHT . $ WE 'LL WAIT FOR HER . $ I SAY , THE OLD BOY 'S JOLLY CLEVER WITH HIS COCKING , ISN'T HE ? $ MUST BE NICE FOR YOU , OLD THING . $ I COULD NEVER COOK AN EGG , NOT EVEN AT OXFORD , WHERE EVERY BODY SEEMED TO . $ 03 WELL , IT 'S BETTER THAN RELYING ON MY COOKING AND ANYTHI NG 'S BETTER THAN LEROI . $ YOU 'LL GET LUNCH ABOUT TEA TIME . $ 09 SHALL I GO AND LOOK FOR FREDERICA ? $ 03 NO , SHE 'LL COME IN HER OWN TIME . $ EDWARD 'S WITH HER , ANYWAY . $ HE 'LL HURRY HER SOMEHOW . $ 09 PRETTY EXHAUSTING - HURRYING PEOPLE UP . $ LIKE PICKING UP A CHILD'S CLOTHES FOR HIM . $ 05 YOU SHOULD KNOW ... $ 04 I THINK WHEN YOU LOVE SOMEONE YOU SHOULD DO SO , KNOWING THAT ONE DAY YOU WILL HATE THEM . $ 01 I SAY , WHAT AN INTERESTING REMARK ! $ 04 I 'VE SEEN IT HAPPEN TOO OFTEN - $ 05 TO OTHERS ? $ 04 MOST OF US . $ 01 DO YOU KNOW , I HAVEN'T THOUGHT OF IT ? $ I SUPPOSE I MUST BE A THUNDERING OLD NUISANCE . $ AM I , CHRISTOPHER ? $ 09 YOU 'RE SCRUPULOUS ABOUT THE THINGS THAT MATTER . $ 01 NO , EVANGIE 'S RIGHT AS USUAL . $ 04 I WISH I WERE " RIGHT AS USUAL " . $ 09 DO YOU ? $ I DON'T . $ BUT I DON'T EXPECT IT . $ CERTAINLY NOT OF MYSELF . $ 01 NO . $ I AM DISORGANIZED . $ I FORGET THINGS , LEAVE THINGS ABOUT , CRASH IN EVERYWHERE , LIKE SOME MADDENING OLD TODDLER . $ I MUST WATCH IT . $ OTHERWISE , YOU 'LL ALL NEED LARGE BRANDIES WHEN YOU SEE THE BACK OF ME . $ ... $ YOUR MOTHER WAS A BIT LIKE THAT AND I NEVER REALIZED IT TILL SHE WAS DEAD . $ #44 $ I MUST HAVE ENJOYED A FEW BRANDIES SINCE THAT FUNERAL . $ AWFUL THING TO SAY , BUT I THINK THAT WAS ALMOST THE MOST EN JOYABLE DAY OF MY LIFE . $ WHEN THOSE ROPES SLID DOWN INTO THAT GRAVE , I HAD TO LOWER MY HEAD RIGHT DOWN SO THAT NO ONE COULD SEE MY FACE ... $ I MUST BE VERY UNFEELING INDEED , I MEAN NOT TO FEEL ANYTHIN G BUT , NO NOT RELIEF , MERRIMENT , THAT 'S THE WORD FOR IT , MERRIMENT AT MY OWN WIFE 'S FUNERAL ! $ EVEN GOOD OLD CRANMER'S WORDS DIDN'T AFFECT ME . $ WELL , OF COURSE , NONE OF YOU REALLY REMEMBER HER . $ EXCEPT ROBIN , I SUPPOSE ? $ 03 NOT MUCH . $ TRY AND HURRY THEM UP . $ < ( SHE GOES OUT . ) > $ 01 IS THAT NICE LITTLE QUEER BOY COMING ? $ 05 YES . $ HE 'S CRIMPING THE ENTIRE FAMILY . $ 01 OH , GOOD . $ I DO LIKE HIM . $ I DIDN'T KNOW WHATSIT , CRIMPING , WAS SUCH AN INTERESTING B USINESS . $ LIKE BEING IN THE MESS OR COMMON ROOM . $ WISH HE 'D DO MINE . $ HE 'S GOT A SPLENDID HEAD OF HAIR . $ 05 IT 'S A WIG . $ 01 GOOD HEAVENS - A WIG ! $ IS IT REALLY ? $ 05 YES , REALLY , DADDY . $ 01 PERHAPS HE 'D GET ME ONE . $ HOW DO YOU KNOW IT IS ? $ 05 SOME OF US DO NOTICE THESE THINGS . $ 01 DID YOU KNOW ? $ 04 YES . $ 01 ROBERT ? $ YES , BUT HE TOLD ME TOO . $ FIRST TIME WE MET HE SAID " YOU KNOW I 'M JUST AN UPTIGHT LI TTLE BALD SCOTS QUEEN UNDER THIS RED RUG . $ THEY ALL SEND ME UP AND CALL ME EITHER THE VIRGIN QUEEN OR M ARY , QUEEN OF SCOTS ! $ IT USED TO UPSET ME BUT NOW I 'M NOT BOTHERED . " $ #45 $ 01 DID HE SAY THAT ? $ POOR LITTLE DEVIL ! $ I SUPPOSE HE MUST REALLY BE BOTHERED , IN FACT . $ 04 IT 'S NOT ONLY HAIRDRESSING THAT 'S CUT-THROAT IN HIS LIN E . $ 01 YES , I SEE WHAT YOU MEAN . $ GOSH , I 'M SO GLAD I DIDN'T MENTION IT TO HIM . $ IT WOULD HAVE SEEMED MOST UNKIND . $ I WISH I NOTICED THINGS LIKE YOU ALL DO . $ 05 I THINK YOU DO , REALLY , DADDY . $ YOU DON'T MISS THE TRICKS . $ 01 DEVIOUS , YOU MEAN ? $ YES . $ I SEE YOU DO . $ THAT 'S NOT A NICE TRAIT EITHER . $ PRETENDING NOT TO NOTICE , WHEN ALL THE TIME YOU DO . $ 04 WE FORGIVE YOU . $ 05 LIKE YOUR CALLING ROBIN " OLD THING " . $ 01 BUT I CALL EVERYONE " OLD THING " . $ WHY , OH , EVEN LEROI . $ 05 EXACTLY , IT MAKES HER FEEL OLD . $ 01 IT 'S JUST THAT SHE IS THE OLDEST OF YOU ALL . $ 05 AND INFERIOR AND PLAYED OUT . $ 01 I HONESTLY DIDN'T MEAN TO ... $ 05 WHETHER YOU DID OR DIDN'T , IT STILL SOUNDS DISPARAGING A ND UNKIND . $ TO HER , ANYWAY . $ 01 OH DEAR , I AM SORRY . $ YOU MAKE ME FEEL QUITE AWFUL . $ 05 LIKE YOU NEVER CALL FREDERICA " OLD THING " OR ME EVEN . $ OR CALL HER FRED , FRED AND TED , LIKE SOME DO , BECAUSE YOU KNOW SHE HATES IT . $ SHE GETS " LOVELY LONG LEGS AND HAIR LIKE YOUR MOTHER ... " $ 01 DO I DO THAT ? $ OH , DEAR . $ POOR OLD ROBIN . $ THERE I GO AGAIN ! $ IT 'S JUST THAT I THINK OF YOU ALL DIFFERENTLY , DIFFERENT P ARTS OF MY LIFE . $ ROBIN , WELL , THE ELDEST , FIRST BORN THEN , YOU THE YOUNG , PRETTY ONE WITH YOUR OWN BABIES , AND EVANGIE , THE INTELL ECTUAL ONE . $ #46 $ 04 THANKS . $ I KNOW WHAT A PEJORATIVE " INTELLECTUAL " IS TO YOU . $ 01 NOT AT ALL . $ I 'M JUST FRIGHTENED OF PEOPLE WHO ARE CLEVERER THAN ME . $ THEY ARE EVEN WORSE THAN THE PHYSICAL BULLIES AT SCHOOL . $ YOU COULD ALWAYS DESPISE THEM , EVEN WHEN THEY WERE MAKING Y OU CRY . $ 04 MEN DON'T WANT " INTELLECTUAL " DAUGHTERS ANY MORE THAN T HEY DO WIVES . $ 01 OH , MY DEAR , I SEEM TO HAVE HURT YOU ALL . $ I NEVER MEANT TO ... $ 04 NOT FREDERICA . $ SHE WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO COULDN'T CARE . $ 01 IT 'S JUST THAT A LOT OF THINGS I DON'T UNDERSTAND , AND I SUPPOSE I 'VE STEPPED OVER THEM OR DISCARDED THEM LIKE MY BOOTS ON THE FLOOR . $ I NEVER EVEN KNEW WHAT " GROWING OUT OF YOUR STRENGTH " MEAN T WHEN IT WAS SAID TO ME AS A BOY . $ THOUGH I SAID IT TO EVANGIE , I KNOW . $ OH , DEAR . $ ... $ THIS HAT 'S NOT AS GOOD AS THE OLD ONE . $ I FEEL QUITE HOT . $ I 'D BETTER GO INTO THE SHADE , I THINK ... $ 05 ALASTAIR 'S PROBABLY COMING WITH LAMB . $ 01 LAMB ? $ WHAT 'S THAT ? $ 05 THE WRITER . $ 04 IS HE ? $ GOSH , HOW GOOD . $ 01 NOT A WRITER ? $ OH , LORD , I HATE MEETING WRITERS . $ 04 BUT WHY ? $ 01 THEY KNOW ABOUT YOU USUALLY . $ THEY CAN TRIP YOU UP IF THEY 'VE A MIND TO . $ IF THEY 'RE BETTER THAN ME , I GET ALL YELLOWY AND ENVIOUS , AND IF THEY 'RE WORSE IT JUST DEPRESSES ME . $ FOR THEM . $ AND THEN AGAIN , IF THEY 'RE BAD , THEY PERFORM THEMSELVES S O WELL AND AMUSE EVERYONE . $ AND IF THEY 'RE REALLY GOOD , THEY DON'T BOTHER TO PERFORM A T ALL , QUITE RIGHTLY , ALL LORDLY . $ OH DEAR , LAMB IS IT ? $ BUT HE 'S FRIGHTFULLY SUCCESSFUL , ISN'T HE , INVENTED TAX H AVENS AND THINGS AND WRITES BEST SELLERS ? $ #47 $ 09 I SHOULDN'T WORRY ABOUT ALL THAT . $ ANYWAY , HE 'S QUITE SHY . $ 01 IS HE A BUGGER ? $ 09 ALMOST CERTAINLY . $ 04 BUT NOT NECESSARILY LITERALLY . $ 05 AND NOT JEWISH . $ 01 IS THAT WHY HE 'S COMING WITH LITTLE ALASTAIR ? $ 04 POSSIBLY . $ ALASTAIR WOULD TELL YOU IF YOU ASK HIM . $ 01 OH NO . $ HOW AWFUL . $ I WONDER IF HE TAKES HIS WIG OFF IN BED . $ LAMB ... $ LAMB . $ I REMEMBER HIM . $ WE GOT FRIGHTFULLY DRUNK TOGETHER IN SOME CLUB SOMEWHERE YEA RS AGO . $ SAVILE OR SOMEWHERE LIKE THAT . $ BUT HE 'S FRIGHTFULLY IMPRESSIVE . $ RATHER GOOD TOO , THEY TELL ME . $ I REMEMBER HE ASKED ME WHY I PRETENDED TO BE AN AGEING SCHOO LBOY ALL THE TIME AND I WAS SO EMBARRASSED I DIDN'T GO OUT F OR A MONTH AFTERWARDS . $ THEN HE SAID TO ME " HOW QUEER ARE YOU ? " $ AND I WAS SO NONPLUSSED BECAUSE WE DIDN'T TALK ABOUT THAT MU CH AT THAT TIME . $ SO , LIKE AN AWFUL COWARD , BECAUSE I WAS PRETTY SURE HE WAS , I SAID A BIT TOO AIRILY , " OH , ABOUT FORTY-FIVE PER CEN T . " $ AND HE SAID " ARE YOU ? $ HOW INTERESTING , I 'M NINETY-FIVE . $ YOU SEE , I DON'T TRUST WOMEN . " $ AND I SAID SOMETHING FOOLISH AND GAUCHE . $ LIKE " OH , BUT ALL YOUR BEST FRIENDS MUST HAVE BEEN WOMEN . " $ 07 WHAT DID HE SAY ? $ 01 " OH EXACTLY " , OR SOMETHING OF THE SORT . $ I WAS SO CONFUSED BY HIM . $ DO YOU THINK HE 'LL REMEMBER ? $ 04 MIGHT DO . $ 01 OH , DEAR . $ HE MUST HAVE THOUGHT ME THE MOST UNBEARABLE LITTLE PRIG . $ I DO HOPE HE DOESN'T . $ I MEAN HE 'S REALLY FAMOUS , ISN'T HE ? $ #48 $ 09 NOT IN THE WAY YOU ARE , AND HE 'LL KNOW IT . $ 01 YOU KNOW , I THOUGHT OF HIM THEN AS BEING LOTS OLDER THAN ME , BUT , IF ANYTHING , I SUPPOSE HE 'S EVEN A BIT YOUNGER . $ HE WASN'T AT MARLBOROUGH , I DO REMEMBER . $ ETON OR WINCHESTER , MUCH GRANDER ALTOGETHER . $ 09 DON'T WORRY . $ HE 'LL BE MORE WORRIED THAN YOU ARE . $ ANYWAY , YOU 'VE GOT THIS INTERVIEW THIS AFTERNOON . $ 01 WHAT INTERVIEW ? $ 09 WITH THE ISLAND NEWSPAPER . $ 01 OH NO , I SAY , CAN'T WE CANCEL IT ? $ 09 HE SOUNDS QUITE A NICE YOUNG MAN . $ 01 CAN'T PUT HIM OFF ? $ OH , HE 'LL EXPECT ME TO BE CLEVER AND SAY WITTY THINGS INST EAD OF JUST BEING AN OLD DUFFER WHO HAPPENS TO BE A WRITER . $ 04 I THINK YOU 'LL MANAGE . $ 05 JUST SAY ALL THE THINGS YOU USUALLY SAY . $ THEY WON'T HAVE HEARD THEM OUT HERE . $ 01 WHAT A GOOD WHEEZE ! $ AFTER ALL , THEY ALL ASK THE SAME QUESTIONS , LIKE HAVE YOU MOVED FURTHER TO THE RIGHT ; SHOULD WRITERS BE SEEN ON TELEV ISION ; ARE THEY ANY LONGER RELEVANT TO THE GLOBAL VILLAGE , WHEREVER THAT IS ; OR JUST PLAIN DO YOU USE A PEN OR A TYPE WRITER ? $ IS HE A NATIVE ? $ AN ISLANDER ? $ 09 WELL , HE - SHE 'S NOT ENGLISH . $ 01 THEN SHE SHOULD BE ALL RIGHT I 'D THINK . $ 09 AS MARY SAYS , IT DOESN'T MATTER , ANYWAY . $ 07 IF IT DOESN'T MATTER , WHY DOES HE NEED TO DO IT ? $ 01 LOOK A BIT CHILDISH I SUPPOSE . $ AND YOU KNOW HOW SENSITIVE THEY CAN BE IN THESE LITTLE PLACE S . $ ESPECIALLY EX-COLONIES OR WHATEVER THEY 'RE CALLED . $ 04 INDEPENDENT STATES . $ 01 THAT 'S RIGHT . $ #49 $ < ( ENTER ALASTAIR WITH JED . $ BOTH IN THEIR EARLY TWENTIES , BUT JED WITH SHOULDER-LENGTH BLACK HAIR . $ BEHIND THEM IS LAMB , EXPENSIVELY DRESSED AND WITH A CLUB TI E . ) > $ 10 DON'T TALK TO ME ABOUT INDEPENDENT STATES . $ THIS PLACE IS JUST TEL AVIV , U.S.A. IN ATLANTIC . $ HAVE YOU SEEN THAT LOT COME IN THIS MORNING ON THAT BOAT ? $ MY DEAR , THEY 'VE BEEN IN ALL MORNING IN THEIR MICKEY MOUSE GLASSES AND FLORIDA BLUE DILLY-DILLY HAIRDO'S . $ AS IF I 'D TOUCH THE ONE OF THEM . $ COMPLAINING AND CARRYING ON , THEY DIDN'T LIKE FIJI , THEY L IKED AUSTRALIA BETTER . $ AUSTRALIA ! $ ALL THOSE BEACHES , NONE OF WHICH THEY 'D DARE GO NEAR , BUT INDIA WAS WORSE , AND , AS FOR EUROPE , THAT WAS WORSE , EV EN THE CULTURE THEY DIDN'T SEE MUCH OF . $ OR THINK MUCH OF , ANYWAY . $ TALK ABOUT YOUR YOUNG GERIATRICS TOURS , INC. $ " CAN YOU TELL ME THE WAY TO THE GIFT SHOP , YOUNG MAN ? $ OH , BECAUSE WE 'VE LOST OUR TOUR GUIDE . " $ I WISH WE 'D LOSE THEM ! $ 01 OH , ALASTAIR ! $ HOW NICE IT IS TO SEE YOU ! $ YOU ARE A JOLLY OLD THING . $ DO TELL US ABOUT THE AMERICANS . $ 10 DON'T ASK - OH , WELL I 'M BOUND TO BORE YOU ABOUT IT , A NYWAY . $ THEY JUST MAKE ME MAD . $ YOU KNOW . $ OH , I DON'T THINK YOU KNOW MR. LAMB , ANY OF YOU ? $ 01 MY DEAR LAMB , HOW NICE , WHAT A PLEASURE TO SEE YOU HERE . $ DO YOU REMEMBER ? $ I WAS JUST SAYING - WE MET ONCE AND GOT AWFULLY DRUNK AND SO RRY FOR OURSELVES AT THE SAVILE - OR WAS IT THE TRAVELLERS ? $ 11 SOMEWHERE LIKE THAT . $ 01 THIS IS MY DAUGHTER , EVANGIE AND MY YOUNGEST , MARY . $ THAT 'S HER OLD MAN , ROBERT . $ SEEMS A BIT SURLY WHEN YOU FIRST TALK TO HIM BUT HE 'S NORTH COUNTRY , EAST RIDING I THINK , AND A SCHOOL-TEACHER SO IT 'S NOT ALL HIS FAULT AND HE 'S A CRACKING GOOD SORT UNDERNEA TH IT ALL , AREN'T YOU , OLD THING ? $ #50 $ 07 A LITTLE CRACKER . $ 01 THEN THERE 'S FREDERICA , MY OTHER DAUGHTER AND HER HUSBA ND , EDDIE . $ BUT THEY 'RE DOWN AT THE BEACH . $ SHE 'S RATHER BEAUTIFUL , BUT I 'M NOT SUPPOSED TO SAY IT AN D YOU CERTAINLY MUSTN'T . $ SHE 'S A FRIGHTFUL FLIRT , EVEN WITH ME AND I KNOW SHE DOESN 'T CARE FOR ME OVER MUCH . $ EVANGIE , SHE 'S AWFULLY BRAINY AND WRITES . $ SHE 'LL PROBABLY TRAP YOU IN A CORNER , SO I SHOULD WATCH IT . $ MARY 'S THE YOUNGEST AND PRETTIEST AND QUITE THE LEAST TROUB LE OF ANY OF THEM , ENJOYS EVERYTHING , DOESN'T CARP , WELL NOT MUCH , DOES AS SHE 'S TOLD AND SMILES AND HAS LOTS OF LO VELY LITTLE KIDDIES , WHICH THE OTHERS DON'T AND WHO CAN BLA ME THEM IF THEY 'RE AS SELFISH AS ME ? $ I NEVER BOTHERED WITH MY CHILDREN . $ SOME PEOPLE WOULD SAY I WAS SELFISH AND MAYBE IT 'S SO BUT I 'VE ALWAYS BEEN FASCINATED BY MYSELF LONG AFTER EVERYONE EL SE WAS BORED TO DEATH WITH ME . $ 10 STOP IT ! $ HOW CAN YOU DO IT IN THIS WEATHER ? $ 01 WHO ELSE IS THERE ? $ OH , OLD HARRY . $ HE 'S NOT HERE YET BUT WE THINK HE 'LL TURN UP SOMETIME . $ HE 'S AN AMERICAN BUT NOT LIKE THE OTHERS AT ALL . $ 11 I KNOW . $ 01 WELL , OF COURSE , YOU MUST KNOW HIM BETTER THAN ANY OF U S . $ 10 THIS IS JED . $ HE 'S A STUDENT . $ HE 'S JUST ON HIS WAY . $ 01 HOW DO YOU DO , JED . $ WHERE ARE YOU ON YOUR WAY TO ? $ 17 WHEREVER ... $ #51 $ 01 YES . $ I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN . $ WHEN ALASTAIR SAYS YOU ARE A STUDENT , ARE YOU AN ETERNAL ST UFENT LIKE , SAY , TREFIMOV ? $ 10 HE 'S AN ETERNAL STUDENT , YOU CAN TAKE IT FROM ME . $ SHALL WE GET OURSELVES A DRINK INSIDE ? $ I 'LL HAVE A WORD WITH ROBIN TO LET HER KNOW WE 'RE HERE . $ IS SHE WITH LEROI AND THE BRIGADIER ? $ OH , SHE 'LL BE WANTING HELP THEN . $ < ( THE THREE OF THEM , ALASTAIR , JED AND LAMB , GO IN . ) > $ 05 < ( AFTER THEM ) > $ I EXPECT LUNCH IS READY . $ 01 WAS I ALL RIGHT ? $ 09 FINE . $ HE WAS NERVOUS . $ I THINK I 'LL GO AND SEE IF I CAN FIND FREDERICA AND EDWARD . $ 05 I SHOULDN'T WORRY . $ THEY 'LL COME IF THEY WANT . $ 09 I 'LL JUST HAVE A LOOK . $ ALL RIGHT , WYATT ? $ 01 FINE , DEAR BOY , FINE . $ OH , I SAY , I FORGOT TO INTRODUCE YOU . $ 09 IT DOESN'T MATTER . $ < ( HE GOES OFF . ) > $ 01 DO YOU THINK I HURT HIS FEELINGS ? $ 04 NO . $ 01 I DO HOPE NOT . $ HE 'S SUCH A DEAR BOY . $ 05 LET 'S GO IN . $ I 'M HUNGRY . $ 07 ME TOO . $ 04 RIGHT . $ < ( THEY RISE . ) > $ 01 I FEEL A BIT TIRED . $ ANYWAY , I THINK I 'LL WAIT FOR CHRISTOPHER AND FREDERICA . $ 04 JUST AS YOU LIKE . $ 01 WON'T BE A JIFFY ... $ < ( THEY GO OFF . $ HE CLOSES HIS EYES FOR A FEW MOMENTS . $ THEN OPENS THEM AS HARRY , AN ENORMOUS FIGURE IN LATE MIDDLE AGE , COMES IN . ) > $ HARRY , MY DEAR BOY . $ WE WERE TALKING OF YOU . $ 12 YES ? $ AMERICANS , I SUPPOSE ? $ #52 $ < ( HE LOWERS HIS GREAT FRAME INTO A CHAIR . ) > $ AH ! $ THAT 'S BETTER . $ 01 NOT LIKE YOU , HARRY . $ NOT LIKE YOU . $ YOU 'RE SPECIAL . $ 12 THAT 'S WHAT WE 'RE HERE FOR , WYATT . $ THAT 'S WHAT WE 'RE HERE FOR . $ 01 ARE YOU ALL RIGHT ? $ YOU LOOK AWFULLY TIRED . $ 12 I 'M O.K. $ YOU KNOW . $ YOU GET , JUST TIRED , AND IN THIS CLIMATE ... $ 01 YES . $ I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN , OLD THING . $ I WONDER WHERE FREDERICA 'S GOT TO ... I MISS THE COLD AND T HE DAMP AND THE COLOURS THAT CHANGE ALL THE WINTER AND THEN ... I MISS IT ... I WISH I DIDN'T ... $ 12 WELL , GUESS I 'D BETTER MAKE MYSELF KNOWN TO ROBIN AND T HE BRIGADIER AND WARN 'EM I 'M HERE . $ < ( HE RISES ) > $ YOU COMING ? $ 01 LATER , DEAR BOY . $ I THINK I 'LL WAIT A LITTLE LONGER . $ 12 O.K. $ YOU 'LL MISS THE BRIGADIER'S PLAT DE MAISON . $ < ( HE GOES INTO THE HOUSE . ) > $ < ( WYATT CLOSES HIS EYES AGAINST THE SUN . ) > $ < END OF ACT ONE > $ #53 $ < ACT TWO > $ < AFTER LUNCH . $ THE SAME SCENE . $ RESTING IN THE SHADE ARE WYATT , ROBERT , CHRISTOPHER , LAMB AND EVANGIE . $ ONLY FREDERICA IS STANDING , LOOKING ACROSS THE BAY . > $ 01 < ( PRESENTLY ) > $ I THOUGHT THIS NEW HAT WAS A MISTAKE . $ 02 SIT IN THE SHADE , YOU OLD SILLY . $ 01 OH , AREN'T I ? $ < ( HE MOVES HIS CHAIR ) > $ GOSH , IT 'S A SCORCHER ! $ 02 THERE 'S A GREAT BREEZE IF YOU STAND UP HERE . $ 01 COULDN'T STAND ANYWHERE AFTER ALL THAT LUNCH THE BRIGADIE R GOT FOR US . $ I SAY , HE IS HOT STUFF IN THAT DEPARTMENT , ISN'T HE ? $ BUT HE WAS QUITE A SOLDIER . $ 02 I SUPPOSE IT USUALLY IS . $ 01 WHAT ? $ 02 QUITE A SCORCHER . $ HERE . $ 01 OH . $ 11 THERE 'S A COOL SEASON . $ IT RAINS AND THERE 'S MIST AND THE MILDEW SPROUTS FOR A FEW WEEKS . $ BUT IT NEVER LASTS LONG . $ 01 < ( RE-SETTLED ) > $ OH YES , THAT 'S MORE LIKE IT . $ 07 IT 'LL BE COLD AT HOME . $ 01 PERISHING . $ NICE THOUGH . $ 02 WHAT ARE YOU THINKING ABOUT ? $ 01 ME ? $ 02 ANYONE . $ DON'T GO TO SLEEP . $ ROBERT , KEEP AWAKE . $ 07 SORRY . $ I WAS TRYING NOT TO THINK ABOUT THE NEW TERM STARTING NEXT W EEK . $ BREATH ON THE GREY PLAYGROUND , FROZEN LAVATORIES AND IRISH STEW AND SWEATING MIDDENS OF CABBAGE . $ #54 $ 01 MY DEAR BOY ! $ DON'T ! $ HOW AWFUL FOR YOU . $ 02 THEY 'RE ONLY CHILDREN . $ 07 WE 'RE ALL CHILDREN ONCE . $ 02 WHAT A PIOUS REMARK . $ WE MAY BE , BUT SOME ARE MORE SO THAN OTHERS . $ AND LEAVE IT BEHIND MORE QUICKLY . $ 07 I 'M SORRY I SOUNDED PIOUS . $ 02 NOW YOU 'RE PIQUED . $ 01 I DIDN'T THINK SO AT ALL . $ 11 NO . $ IT 'S LIKE SAYING : WHAT 'S 1950 GOT TO DO WITH 1980 ? $ 02 WELL , WHAT ? $ 11 WE 'LL BE THE SAME PEOPLE . $ 02 WILL WE ? $ WHAT WERE YOU THINKING ? $ 11 WHAT I USUALLY THINK OF AFTER LUNCH HERE . $ WALKING DOWN BOND STREET IN MID-AFTERNOON WITH A NICE EVENIN G TO LOOK FORWARD TO AT COVENT GARDEN OR SOMEWHERE AND TIME FOR TEA AT THE RITZ AND MONEY TO BUY MYSELF A PRESENT OR , E VEN BETTER , SOMEONE ELSE AS WELL . $ 02 DADDY ? $ 01 BLACKFRIARS STATION AND GEORGE MOORE . $ 02 YOU 'RE MAKING IT UP . $ 01 NO , I 'M NOT . $ I WAS THINKING OF THE BEASTLY COLD LIKE ROBERT . $ OF WAITING FOR TRAINS AND THEN LOOKING UP AT THE FRONT OF BL ACKFRIARS STATION AND SEEING IT INSCRIBED IN THE STONE : BRO ADSTAIRS ; DRESDEN ; CHELTENHAM ; AND ST. PETERSBURG . $ SO I ASKED THE BOOKING CLERK FOR A CHEAP RETURN TO ST. PETER SBURG . $ 07 WHAT DID HE SAY ? $ 01 " I 'M AFRAID YOU 'LL HAVE TO GO TO VICTORIA . " $ 11 WHEN WAS THIS ? $ 01 NINETEEN SIXTY-ONE . $ WHAT WAS THE OTHER THING ? $ #55 $ 07 GEORGE MOORE . $ 01 NOTHING . $ I DID MEET HIM A COUPLE OF TIMES WHEN I WAS A YOUNG MAN . $ EBURY STREET , I THINK , HE LIVED . $ ANYWAY , HE ALWAYS LOOKED DREADFULLY ILL AT EASE IN COMPANY , ESPECIALLY MIXED COMPANY , KEEPING HIS HANDS IN HIS POCKET S ALL THE TIME . $ AND ONE DAY SOMEONE ASKED HIM WHY AND HE SAID : " WELL YOU S EE , WHENEVER I STAND UP I 'M AFRAID MY UNDERPANTS WILL FALL DOWN AND IT 'S A VERY UNCOMFORTABLE FEELING IN COMPANY . $ ESPECIALLY MIXED COMPANY . " $ AND SO , WHOEVER IT WAS , SAID : " BUT GEORGE, DO YOU NOT HA VE THOSE LITTLE TABS INSIDE TO PUT YOUR BRACES THROUGH ? " $ AND MOORE REPLIED : " OH - THOSE . $ DO YOU KNOW I 'VE ALWAYS BEEN WONDERING WHAT THOSE WERE FOR ! " $ 02 I KNOW WHY YOU LIKE THAT STORY . $ 07 WHY ? $ I 'D NOT HEARD IT . $ 02 BECAUSE HE LIKES WRITERS BEING MADE OUT TO BE DIVINE SIMP LETONS OR HOLY INNOCENTS , AND HIMSELF MOST OF ALL . $ 01 UNHOLY . $ I THINK WE 'RE A DISMAL BUNCH , ON THE WHOLE , TO MEET , ANY WAY . $ DON'T YOU THINK SO ? $ 11 THE PERFORMERS ARE THE WORST . $ 01 THAT 'S TRUE ENOUGH ! $ INDEED . $ WHEN I THINK ... I WAS DREADING MEETING YOU . $ WHAT A RELIEF IT 'S TURNED OUT . $ HE 'S A MODEST OLD THING , DON'T YOU THINK ? $ 11 I 'M NOT PROUD OF LIVING OUT IN THE SUNSHINE IF YOU MEAN THAT ? $ 01 CERTAINLY NOT . $ WHERE PEOPLE CHOOSE TO LIVE IS THEIR OWN BUSINESS . $ 07 LISTEN ... $ 02 NOT THOSE BLOODY BIRDS ? $ 07 THE SURF . $ #56 $ 02 WHAT ABOUT IT ? $ 07 I CAN'T GET USED TO THE SOUND OF IT . $ 02 I CAN . $ THAT 'S THE TROUBLE . $ 01 NOT LIKE CORNWALL . $ 07 OR PEMBROKE . $ 02 OR NORTHUMBERLAND . $ OR BRIGHTON . $ DO SHUT UP , BOTH OF YOU ! $ YOU 'RE BEING LIKE THOSE PEOPLE WHO ARE NEVER BORED AGAIN AN D WE KNOW WHAT A DEADLY LOT THOSE ARE . $ 11 IT MAKES QUITE A FAIR OLD ROW - $ 02 IN THE WET SEASON . $ 07 ROBIN 'S NEVER BORED . $ 02 NO . $ SHE NEVER WAS . $ 07 NEITHER 'S THE BRIGADIER . $ 01 NO . $ NOT HIM . $ 07 COOKING . $ 02 WASHING UP . $ 07 DIGGING , WATCHING HIS VINES AND WATERFALLS AND ROCK GARD ENS . $ 02 SMOKING HIS PIPE . $ I WISH MEN WOULDN'T SMOKE PIPES . $ 01 OH , DON'T YOU LIKE IT ? $ YOU USED TO SAY YOU LIKED THE SMELL OF MINE . $ 02 I DID . $ I DO . $ IT 'S JUST SOME MEN . $ THE WAY THEY DO IT . $ PUTTING YOU IN YOUR PLACE ... $ 07 WATCHING , OBSERVING , FEEDING THE LIZARDS - $ 01 OH , BIRDS . $ BIRDS OF BOREDOM . $ WHAT DOES THAT MAKE ME THINK OF ? $ 02 TRAFALGAR SQUARE . $ ... $ HOW STRANGE YOU ALL SEEM SOMETIMES . $ 11 WE ARE . $ AND NOT . $ AND YOU ? $ 02 I DON'T FEEL THAT . $ NO . $ NOT AT ALL . $ 01 TEDIOUS FLIGHT OF TERN , HOW I WONDER WHAT YOU 'D EARN . $ 07 DID YOU MAKE THAT UP ? $ #57 $ 02 WHAT ELSE ? $ 01 IF YOU FUMBLED IN THE SKY FOR WORDS WOULD YOU STILL JUST BORE LIKE BIRDS ? $ ... $ 07 GOOD . $ 01 NO . $ ... $ CHATTER . $ FREDERICA IS RIGHT AS USUAL . $ BIRDS CHATTER AND THAT IS THEIR MORTAL FLAW . $ CHATTER SINS AGAINST LANGUAGE AND WHEN WE SIN AGAINST THE WO RD , WE SIN AGAINST GOD . $ GOSH , I AM POMPOUS . $ 02 I WASN'T GOING TO SAY IT . $ 01 MUST BE THE BRIGADIER'S CUDDLY , LOVING LITTLE GRAPE . $ WHERE 'S YOUR OLD MAN GOT TO ? $ 02 HE 'S OUT THERE ON THE BEACH TALKING TO JED . $ 11 OH , DOES HE TALK ? $ 07 I THINK THERE IS SOMEONE WHO COULD SIN AGAINST LANGUAGE I F HE COULD BRING HIMSELF TO IT . $ 01 DO YOU , REALLY ? $ SEEMED A QUIET LITTLE CHAP TO IT . $ I TRIED TALKING TO HIM BUT HE NEVER SAID A WORD . $ 02 WHY SHOULD HE ? $ HE DESPISES US . $ 01 OH , DO YOU THINK HE DOES ? $ YES . $ OF COURSE . $ YOU 'RE RIGHT . $ OH , DEAR . $ ... $ PERHAPS I SAID THE WRONG THING ... I ONLY ASKED HIM ABOUT HI MSELF . $ 02 HE DOESN'T WANT YOUR INTEREST . $ OR ANYONE'S . $ 01 I THOUGHT DEAR LITTLE ALASTAIR WAS HIS CHUM . $ 02 HE DESPISES HIM TOO . $ 01 WHAT A SHAME . $ PERHAPS I SHOULD TRY AGAIN ? $ 02 DON'T . $ ANYWAY , YOU KNOW YOU 'VE NO INTENTION . $ YOU DISLIKE HIM AS MUCH AS THE REST OF US . $ NO . $ MORE . $ HE FRIGHTENS YOU MORE . $ 01 I WONDER IF I SHOULD HAVE A SLEEP AND THEN A WALK . $ OR A WALK AND THEN A SLEEP . $ WHAT DO YOU THINK ? $ 02 EITHER . $ ON THE OTHER HAND : BOTH . $ 07 THE FIRST . $ EXCEPT CHATTER A BIT . $ 01 OH . $ SHALL I ? $ I 'LL ANNOY OLD FRED THERE . $ 02 WOULD THAT STOP YOU ? $ I WONDER IF YOU CAN GET LUNG CANCER FROM SMOKING POT ? $ #58 $ 07 ASK JED . $ 02 I WILL . $ THERE 'S SOMETHING ABOUT THAT BOY ... $ 07 WHAT ? $ 02 I DON'T KNOW . $ BUT HE SHOULDN'T BE HERE . $ 11 WELL , HE IS . $ AND PLENTY MORE . $ 02 I SHAN'T BE SORRY TO LEAVE THIS PLACE . $ 01 WELL , DON'T LET OLD ROBIN AND THE BRIGADIER KNOW . $ 02 OH , I KNOW . $ THEY 'VE TAKEN SUCH PAINS TO GIVE US A GOOD TIME . $ 07 AND THEY LIVE HERE . $ 02 I 'M SORRY . $ I KNOW . $ AND SO DO YOU . $ < ( TO LAMB . ) > $ 11 THAT 'S ALL RIGHT , MY DEAR . $ I SEE EVERYONE THINK IT . $ THE ONES WHO COME TO VISIT , I MEAN . $ FRIENDS . $ BAREFOOT ON THE WHITE EVENING SAND , WATCHING THE SEA AND - THINKING ... $ 07 THAT THEY 'RE GLAD NOT TO BE YOU . $ 11 NOT TO BE RICH ENOUGH TO BE AN EXILE , BROWNED AND ATTEND ED ON BY SUN AND BY THE REGULAR WIND AND SERVICE . $ BUT BACK TO COLD , UNCERTAIN TIDES AND STRIVING PAVEMENTS . $ AND THE MARRIAGE OF ANXIETIES ... DOMESTIC ... OH ... EXTREM ES ... $ 02 WHERE WERE YOU BORN ? $ 11 ME ? $ KUALA LUMPUR . $ NATCH . $ 02 YES . $ BUT IT DOESN'T - WARM YOU - AS IT SHOULD DO . $ NO . $ IT LEAVES YOU OPEN TO ALL THE CHILLS WHEN YOU COME BACK ... OVER THE OTHER SIDE . $ 11 YOU ? $ 02 KANDY . $ CEYLON ... ROBIN TOO . $ 11 YOU ? $ 04 SINGAPORE . $ 07 AS THEY USED TO SAY , " THEIR FATHER HAD A BIKE " . $ 01 WHAT 'S THAT ? $ 04 GRANDPA WAS IN " THE SERVICE " . $ 01 PAPA ? $ OH , I 'LL SAY HE WAS . $ #59 $ 07 WHERE WERE YOU BORN ? $ 01 SRINIGAR . $ KASHMIR . $ SHALIMAR . $ BIT LIKE THE THAMES NEAR HENLEY . $ LOTS OF LUSH AND VEGETABLES AND WEYBRIDGE-TYPE CURRY AND PIN K BLANCMANGE IN LITTLE ELEPHANT MOULDS . $ OH , THE OLD BOY WANTED ME TO GO IN IT , OF COURSE . $ ALL I DID WAS SIRE FOUR DAUGHTERS AT HIS VARIOUS POSTINGS . $ TRYING TO BE A WRITER . $ BUT YOU CAN WRITE AND GIVE SOME SERVICE AS WELL . $ GIVE SOME SERVICE . $ WELL , I NEVER DID . $ JUST HIS NON-PAYING GUEST . $ WITH A WIFE AND FOUR THUMPING DAUGHTERS . $ WELL - HE GAVE SERVICE . $ OLD THING ... $ 11 AND YOUR HUSBAND ? $ 02 RANGOON . $ 01 WHAT ABOUT YOU , OLD THING ? $ 07 HASTINGS ROYAL INFIRMARY . $ 01 HASTINGS ROYAL INFIRMARY ! $ WHAT ABOUT THE BRIGADIER ? $ WHERE DO YOU SUPPOSE HE WAS BORN ? $ 02 MESOPOTAMIA . $ 01 MESOPOTAMIA . $ OF COURSE . $ 07 THAT 'S WHY THE HOUSE IS NAMED . $ 01 TO : MESOPOTAMIA . $ YOU CAN SEE HIM ... SETTING OUT . $ OR SOMEONE ... $ 02 I WISH EDWARD WOULD STOP TALKING TO THAT BOY . $ MAN ... $ 01 WHO ? $ LITTLE ALASTAIR ? $ 02 NO . $ NOT LITTLE ALASTAIR . $ JED . $ 07 PERHAPS IT 'S HIS SCIENTIFIC CURIOSITY : " THE YOUNG MIND " . $ 02 NO . $ THE YOUNG , WHATEVER THEY ARE , BORE HIM EVEN MORE THAN I DO . $ 01 MY DARLING FRED , HE ADORES YOU . $ 02 MAYBE . $ BUT HE 'S NOT A PATHOLOGIST FOR NOTHING . $ 07 EXAMINING BLOOD . $ 02 ALL DAY . $ #60 $ 04 FREDERICA 'S RIGHT . $ 01 OF COURSE . $ SHE ALWAYS IS . $ 04 ABOUT BEING BORN . $ AWAY FROM HOME . $ 02 HOME ? $ 04 WHATEVER ... $ 01 OUT OF ALL ... HEARTS ... $ 04 DO YOU REMEMBER GRANDFATHER'S STUDY ? $ 01 WHAT ? $ THE OLD BOY'S ? $ 02 I 'LL SAY . $ 01 ALL MY LIFE ... $ 04 THE JOSS STICKS AND BURMESE GUNS . $ SADDLE OIL ... $ 02 EVEN THE BOOKS SMELT OF CURRY POWDER . $ THE CASINO PALACE , PORT SAID . $ 04 BACK NUMBERS OF THE TIMES OF NATAL . $ A ZULU GRAMMAR . $ 02 MANUALS IN URDU . $ 04 RAWHIDE SHIELDS AND DRIED PYTHON SKINS AND BRASS IGUANAS . $ AND THE PHOTOGRAPHS . $ 02 BROWN . $ BROWN TO YELLOW . $ 01 THE CASINO PALACE ! $ 04 THE GROUPS . $ 01 WHAT DID THE OLD BOY SAY ? $ I KNOW - " THE ROYAL NAVY ALWAYS TRAVELS FIRST CLASS " . $ 04 PROBYN'S HORSE , THE PESHEWAR VALE HUNT , TENNIS PARTIES . $ 01 SIGNED PHOTOGRAPH OF LORD MINTO . $ 04 TENT PEGGING . $ " ROBIN : AGED ONE YEAR " . $ A CRICKET MATCH ON THE PARADE GROUND ; AMATEUR THEATRICALS . $ 02 MUMMY AS LYDIA LANGUISH IN THE RIVALS . $ 01 DADDY ON THE PROMPT BOOK . $ 04 FIELD BATTERIES , ELEPHANT BATTERIES ! $ I NEVER UNDERSTOOD THEM GOING INTO TORCHES . $ ... $ THE NEWCASTLE MOUNTED RIFLES . $ 02 INSPECTED BY GRANDFATHER . $ MEN DO INSPECT . $ 07 ENGLAND INSPECTS ... $ #61 $ 04 FREDERICA ON GRANDMOTHER'S PONY . $ 02 IN A WHITE PARTY FROCK . $ 04 A TIMETABLE OF THE SOUTH INDIA RAILWAY , THE OARS OF JESU S COLLEGE ; IN CHINA WITH THE BRITISH - TWO VOLS . $ " SETTING SAIL ABOARD THE RAWALPINDI " . $ 01 OLD PINDI - TORPEDOED FIRST MONTH OF THE WAR . $ 04 TAKING ARSENIC INSTEAD OF BAKING POWDER . $ TALK IN THE MESS . $ THE CLUB . $ 02 IN THE CLUB . $ MUMMY FOUR TIMES . $ LIZARDS ON THE CEILING ABOVE THE MOSQUITO NET , SWEAT , THE MAIL . $ KNICK-KNACKS . $ JUNK AND BOA CONSTRICTORS ... $ 01 I 'M SURPRISED YOU REMEMBER SO MUCH . $ I DON'T . $ YOU WERE ALL SUCH CHILDREN ... $ 02 AH - HOME TO ENGLAND . $ 01 I DON'T . $ AT LEAST I DON'T THINK SO . $ DO I ? $ YES . $ I SUPPOSE SO . $ I TOOK IT FOR GRANTED THEN . $ BUSY BEING A "WRITER " . $ GOD , LAMB , WHY DO WE DO IT ? $ 11 FOR THE MONEY . $ AND BEING TREATED WELL , OR BETTER THAN YOU SHOULD BE BY ANY RIGHTS ... $ 02 THE SKY IS SO CLEAR ... THE TREES SEEM EVEN DARKER THAN T HEY ARE . $ ... $ WHAT WAS IT LIKE BEFORE ? $ 11 BEFORE ? $ OH , NOT SO VERY DIFFERENT I SUPPOSE . $ THE GOVERNOR GENERAL'S HOUSE IS STILL THERE THOUGH HE 'S CAL LED SOMETHING ELSE NOW ; ROYALTY OF SOME SORT CAME OUT . $ NEW FLAG WENT UP . $ THE POLICE BAND PLAYED THE DREADFUL NATIONAL ANTHEM , ALL DE LICIOUSLY OUT OF TUNE ; YOU COULDN'T BELIEVE IT , THE COMEDY AND PAIN OF IT . $ I THINK SOMEONE ACTUALLY RECORDED IT AS A COLLECTOR'S ITEM . $ SOME RELIEF , I SUPPOSE . $ A BIT OF APPREHENSION BUT NOT OVER MUCH . $ THE CLIMATE WAS THE SAME , THE PEOPLE WERE THE SAME , WE WER E THE SAME . $ EXCEPT . $ ... $ YOU SEE . $ ... $ THERE WAS DESPAIR IN A LOT OF HEARTS . $ EVEN IN THOSE WHO ... WHO ... OH , WHO ... $ 01 YES . $ I CAN SEE ALL THAT . $ CAN'T YOU ? $ THE LADY-IN-WAITING ; THE UMBRELLAS ; THE MARQUEE . $ #62 $ 11 IT WAS COMIC THEN . $ AND IT 'S COMIC NOW . $ IF ANYONE COULD EVER THINK OF IT OR REMEMBER IT . $ BUT IT WAS FULL OF PAIN . $ AND SOME QUITE GOOD PEOPLE . $ THING ABOUT PAIN . $ IT CHANGES AS YOU CHANGE . $ BUT IT DOESN'T GO , DOES IT ? $ DOES IT ? $ OR AM I MAD AS I OFTEN THINK I AM WHEN I 'M ALONE , OR BEGGI NG ROBIN AND THE BRIGADIER'S PARDON ? $ ... $ 01 YOU 'RE NOT MAD , OLD THING ... $ 11 WISH YOU WEREN'T ALL GOING . $ 01 STILL A BIT OF TIME . $ 11 THERE 'S ME AND ROBIN . $ THE BRIGADIER . $ ALASTAIR CHATTING UP THE TOURISTS IN HIS CRIMPING PARLOUR . $ GOING ON HIS CRYING JAGS , THREATENING US ALL WITH HIS TOO M ANY SLEEPING PILLS , FALLING IN LOVE WITH YOUNG AMERICANS HE DESPISES AND WHO DESPISE HIM . $ LOOKING TO AN OLD ETONIAN QUEEN LIKE ME , WHO 'S RESPECTABLE ONLY BECAUSE HE 'S RICH AND FAMOUS . $ TURNING TO JED , WHO HATES HIM SLIGHTLY LESS THAN THE REST O F US ... $ 01 OH DEAR ... $ 11 MORTIFIED BY THE SUNLIGHT ON HIS WIG JOIN . $ 02 THAT COULD HAVE BEEN A SONG ONCE . $ WHEN YOU THINK OF IT . $ " SUNLIGHT ON MY WIG JOIN " . $ 11 I 'M SORRY . $ 02 NO . $ 11 IT 'S JUST THAT WE SHALL MISS YOU . $ BUT I SHOULDN'T HAVE REALLY SAID SO . $ 02 WHY NOT ? $ YOU THOUGHT IT . $ 11 DO YOU SAY EVERYTHING YOU THINK ? $ 02 NO . $ PEOPLE THINK I DO . $ SOMETIMES I THINK I DO . $ 11 ROBIN WILL MISS YOU . $ 07 SISTERS ARE STRANGE THINGS . $ 02 WE ALL TRAVESTY OURSELVES . $ IT SEEMS UNAVOIDABLE . $ TOTALLY ... $ #63 $ < ( READING PAPER ) > $ GOOD GOD ! $ 11 WHAT ? $ 01 DO YOU KNOW WHAT WE 'RE MISSING ON B.B.C. ! $ AT THIS ALMOST VERY MOMENT ? $ ROBERT , YOU READ IT . $ YOU 'VE GOT GOOD , YOUNG EYES . $ 07 < ( READS ) > $ " EUROPE SINCE 1945 . $ THE FIFTH OF TWELVE PROGRAMMES ON ECONOMIC AND SOCIAL CHANGE IN WESTERN AND EASTERN EUROPE SINCE THE END OF THE SECOND W ORLD WAR . $ NEXT : NEW STRUCTURES IN SOCIETY ... " $ 11 OH , NO ... $ 07 " TO WHAT EXTENT HAVE SUCH FACTORS AS ECONOMIC GROWTH INC REASED EDUCATIONAL OPPORTUNITY , AND WELFARE OF POST-EUROPEA N SOCIETIES BOTH EAST AND WEST , TOWARDS A SINGLE TYPE OF IN DUSTRIAL SOCIETY ? $ ... " $ 02 HELP ! $ 07 " BY THE PROFESSOR OF SOCIAL AND INDUSTRIAL STUDIES AT TH E SORBONNE . $ WORKER PARTICIPATION CONTROL : A DISCUSSION OF DIFFERENT FOR MS OF WORKER POWER IN INDUSTRIAL MANAGEMENT , FROM PARTICIPA TION FRENCH STYLE , THROUGH WEST GERMAN CO-OPERATION TO YUGO SLAVIA'S WORKER-CONTROL . $ THURSDAY : MANAGING THE ECONOMY NUMBER SEVEN . $ PROSPECTS FOR AN INCOMES POLICY . $ HOW TO CONTAIN RISING PRICES IS SOMETHING THAT HAS BAFFLED O NE GOVERNMENT AFTER ANOTHER ... " $ 01 BAFFLED ! $ 02 STOP ! $ 11 OH , YES . $ PLEASE . $ 07 " DOES THE PRESENT EXERCISE IN REGULATING PRICES AND INCO MES OFFER ANY REAL CHANCE OF A BREAK-THROUGH ? " $ 02 CAN'T WAIT ! $ LET 'S GO HOME NOW . $ 07 " PEOPLE IN TOWNS . " $ URBAN SOCIOLOGY . $ A COURSE . $ #64 $ THE EXISTENCE OF SOCIAL PROBLEMS IN OUR TOWNS HAS PRODUCED I TS EQUAL AND OPPOSITE REACTION - THE SOCIAL WORK MOVEMENT . $ 02 EVEN THE BIRDS LOOK GOOD AFTER THAT . $ 07 " THE LECTURER FOR SOCIAL WORK TRAINING ... " $ 01 SOCIAL WORK TRAINING ? $ 07 " TALKS ABOUT - " $ 01 WHAT DOES THE OLD THING TALK ABOUT ? $ 07 " ABOUT SOCIAL WORKERS AND ABOUT THE WORK OF THE SEEBOHM COMMITTEE , OF WHICH HE WAS A MEMBER ... " $ 02 POOR SOUL . $ 07 " FURTHER PUBLICATIONS RELATING TO THIS SERIES INCLUDE : SECOND YEAR RUSSIAN . $ EIGHT SHILLINGS . $ STARTING GERMAN . $ BOOKS ONE AND TWO , PRICE FOUR SHILLINGS EACH . $ EUROPE SINCE 1945 . $ STUDY NOTES I , FIVE SHILLINGS . $ STUDY NOTES II , SEVEN SHILLINGS . $ PEOPLE IN TOWNS WILL COST YOU EIGHTEEN SHILLINGS . $ MANET ( COLOUR SLIDES ) TWO POUNDS ; RENAISSANCE EXPLORATION , ELEVEN SHILLINGS ; HELPING YOUR NEIGHBOUR , THREE SHILLIN GS AND PROBLEMS OF LEARNING , STUDY NOTES , THREE SHILLINGS . " $ 01 MY GOODNESS ! $ WHAT YOU 'RE MISSING , OLD THING ! $ 07 MUSTN'T BE PATRONIZING NOW . $ 02 WHY NOT ? $ I 'M ALWAYS BEING PATRONIZING . $ 07 THAT 'S BECAUSE YOU 'RE MORE CLEVER AND ASSURED THAN MOST PEOPLE . $ 02 OH NO , I 'M NOT . $ EVANGIE 'S THE CLEVER ONE . $ 04 I 'M NOT . $ STILL A LOT OF PEOPLE DO . $ ... $ NO , I WON'T SAY IT . $ 11 WHY NOT ? $ 04 BECAUSE IT SOUNDS PRIGGISH AND WHAT PEOPLE THINK I AM . $ 11 WHICH IS ? $ 04 A RATHER VORACIOUS INTELLECTUAL . $ #65 $ 01 OH , COME ! $ 04 IT 'S TRUE . $ ISN'T IT ? $ 02 YES . $ 04 TRUE - OR WHAT PEOPLE THINK ? $ 02 BOTH I SHOULD THINK . $ DON'T ASK ME . $ THEY 'RE ALL CLEVERER THAN I AM ... $ 01 I RATHER LIKE " HELPING YOUR NEIGHBOUR " STUDY NOTES ... $ 04 NO . $ I 'M SURE YOU 'RE RIGHT . $ 02 YOU SAID IT . $ 04 AND YOU AGREED . $ 02 SHOULDN'T I ? $ 04 YES . $ I THINK YOU SHOULD . $ IT 'S HARD ON ME BUT PROBABLY HARDER FOR YOU . $ 02 IT 'S NOT HARD AT ALL . $ 04 THEN IT SHOULD BE . $ EVEN IF IT IS YOUR SISTER . $ ... $ I 'M OFF TO THE BEACH I THINK . $ DADDY ? $ 01 THINK I 'LL STAY IN THE SHADE A BIT , OLD THING . $ I 'M SO FEEBLE . $ WE 'LL HAVE A WALK BEFORE DINNER , RIGHT ? $ 04 RIGHT . $ < ( SHE GOES . $ PAUSE . ) > $ 02 YOU ALL THINK I 'M A SHIT , DON'T YOU ? $ 11 I DON'T THINK SO . $ NOT ME , ANYWAY . $ BUT THEN I AM . $ YOU 'RE A CLOWN . $ WITH ALL THE PRIVILEGES AND PENALTIES . $ YOU SAY WHAT IS OBVIOUS BUT NOT NECESSARILY TRUE , OR THE WH OLE TRUTH , AT LEAST . $ BUT THAT 'S SOMETHING ELSE AND IN THE MEANTIME THERE 'S THE PERFORMING DOG ACT OF PARTIALITY . $ 02 THANKS . $ 11 DON'T THANK ME . $ EVERYONE IS GRATEFUL TO YOU . $ 02 MEANING ? $ 11 PLEASE DON'T PICK A FIGHT WITH ME , MY DEAR . $ I LIKE AND ADMIRE YOU THOUGH , OF COURSE , DON'T KNOW YOU OR EVER WILL . $ I MAY NOT , AND I DON'T WISH TO , BE ABLE TO HURT YOU . $ BUT THIS I DO KNOW : THAT NOTHING YOU COULD SAY OR DO WOULD EVER HURT ME . $ WHICH IS MY MISFORTUNE . $ #66 $ 02 THAT WAS A BIT GLIB , EVEN FOR YOU , WASN'T IT ? $ 11 NOT REALLY . $ I TRIED A LITTLE MORE WITH YOU BUT IT DIDN'T COME OFF . $ QUITE CLEARLY ... I WAS THINKING THE OTHER DAY ABOUT MOON LA NDINGS ... $ 01 GOD , THE SUN DOES BURN , DOESN'T IT ? $ 02 THE BIRDS SING . $ 07 THE SURF - WHAT ? $ POUNDS I SUPPOSE . $ 01 WHY ARE WE ALL SO CRUEL TO ONE ANOTHER ? $ 02 YOU 'RE NOT . $ 01 YES . $ I AM . $ 02 YES . $ YOU ARE . $ 07 FRANKLY . $ 02 FRANKLY . $ BUT NO ONE THINKS YOU 'RE A SHIT . $ THEY THINK YOU 'RE LOVEABLE . $ 11 DON'T BE INTEMPERATE . $ YOU LOSE YOUR STYLE . $ 02 I DON'T KNOW WHAT INTEMPERATE MEANS , OR WHAT YOU MEAN BY IT AND I 'M TOO PROUD TO FIND OUT , DO YOU MIND ? $ AND , AS FOR STYLE , I HAVEN'T . $ 11 I DON'T KNOW YOU ANY MORE THAN I KNOW YOUR FATHER BUT HE HAS SOME CONCERN FOR HIMSELF , AS WE ALL HAVE . $ YOU MUSTN'T GRUDGE THAT . $ 02 WHY NOT ? $ 11 BECAUSE I FEEL IT . $ 02 THERE ! $ THAT 'S ALL . $ 11 OF COURSE , YOU 'RE RIGHT . $ 01 SHE ALWAYS IS . $ 11 NO MORE THAN THAT . $ 01 ALWAYS WAS . $ EVANGIE SEEMED THE CLEVER ONE . $ BUT SHE 'S NOT , POOR OLD THING . $ OH DEAR , I MUST STOP SAYING THAT . $ 07 WHAT ? $ 01 OLD THING . $ 02 QUITE . $ YOU SHOULD . $ #67 $ 01 I KNOW . $ 02 IT ISN'T HALF AS CUTE AS EVERYONE THINKS OR THINKS THEY T HINK . $ 01 YES . $ PRETTY NAUSEATING REALLY . $ WELL : I AM . $ 02 DON'T SOUND PLEASED ABOUT IT . $ 01 I 'M NOT . $ ACTUALLY . $ I DON'T QUITE KNOW HOW TO MAKE IT RING TRUE . $ OR . $ INDEED ... ANYTHING . $ I THINK MOON LANDINGS MUST BE PRETTY MOROSE , DON'T YOU , I MEAN AS WE 'RE BEING MOROSE AND WE ARE , AT LEAST I AM ... $ < ( TO CHRISTOPHER ) > $ YOU 'RE VERY QUIET , OLD THING . $ 09 AM I ? $ 02 YES . $ EXHAUSTED . $ 09 NO . $ TIRED . $ IT 'S A TIRING ISLAND . $ 02 IT IS . $ SO ARE WE . $ 01 SHOULD WE GET HIM A DOCTOR ? $ 02 IS THAT A REAL QUESTION ? $ 09 I 'M ALL RIGHT . $ I WAS JUST WONDERING IF I SHOULD GO FOR A SWIM OR WALK OR SO METHING WITH EVANGIE . $ 01 TOO HOT ... PHEW ! $ 02 SHE 'S ALL RIGHT . $ 09 IS SHE THOUGH ? $ 02 SHE 'S THINKING ABOUT WRITING A PIECE ABOUT THIS PLACE . $ OR SOME BOOK . $ OR SOME INSIGHT SHE 'S FISHING AROUND FOR . $ 09 IF IT 'S WELL ENOUGH DONE AND FOR THE RIGHT REASONS . $ 11 I NEVER KNOW WHAT THE RIGHT REASONS ARE . $ 02 OH , FOR ITS SAKE . $ AND YOUR'S . $ OR NEITHER - $ WHO KNOWS ? $ 11 CLEARLY , YOU DON'T . $ 07 WHO WOULD YOU SEND TO THE MOON ? $ 02 OH , THE USUAL . $ ME , I EXPECT . $ 01 YES , WHO WOULD WE ? $ 02 I WONDER WHY PEOPLE HAVE CHILDREN . $ DO THEY WANT YOU ? $ WHAT DO YOU THINK , ROBERT ? $ #68 $ < ( AT THIS STAGE ROBIN , THE BRIGADIER , ALASTAIR , JED AND HARRY COME OUT ON TO THE PORCH AND JOIN THE COMPANY . ) > $ < ( TO ROBERT ) > $ THAT MAN 'S DYING . $ 07 WHO ? $ 02 HARRY . $ THE HULKING AMERICAN . $ 01 THERE YOU ARE , OLD THINGS . $ I SAY , WE DID HAVE A GOOD LUNCH . $ BRIGADIER , YOU 'RE A GENIUS . $ WE WERE JUST TALKING ABOUT MOON LANDINGS AND WHO WE 'D SEND UP THERE . $ 03 CUSTOMS OFFICERS . $ 01 NATURALLY . $ 11 WOMEN JOURNALISTS . $ 01 GOOD . $ 10 AMERICAN TOURISTS . $ 02 BUT NOT HARRY . $ 10 HARRY 'S NOT EXACTLY A TOURIST . $ HE DROPPED IN WITH NELSON . $ ANYONE WHO GOES ON CRUISES . $ DO YOU KNOW WHO WE 'VE GOT IN TODAY ? $ THE AMERICAN FOLK DANCE SOCIETY . $ EIGHT HUNDRED OF THEM ? $ 08 ALL LOCAL OFFICIALS . $ 03 THE HIGH COMMISSIONER . $ 10 THE HIGH COMMISSIONER'S WIFE . $ 02 PEOPLE WHO GIVE POETRY READINGS . $ 01 OH , I SAY , YES . $ < ( THEY ALL SETTLE INTO THEIR CHAIRS AND RELAX IN THE SHADE . ) > $ I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT WHAT THE GIRLS WERE SAYING . $ 08 WHAT WERE THEY SAYING ? $ 01 DON'T THINK YOU WERE HERE , OLD THING . $ ABOUT THE OLD BOY , PAPA . $ THE WAY HE 'D TALK ABOUT THE BLACK NOONS AND SAGE AND THE GA ZELLE AND THE BUSTARD AND ALL THOSE CAMEL-MOUNTED SOLDIERS , SHUFFLING ALONG IN A FREEZING NIGHT WITH THE ANIMALS GURGLI NG AND MOANING AND THE MEN IN THEIR SECTION MESSES ... AND S INGING ... $ #69 $ 02 WE 'LL ALL BE HOME SOON . $ 07 EXCEPT FOR ROBIN AND THE BRIGADIER . $ 01 WELL , IT 'S THEIR HOME . $ AND OLD LAMB'S OF COURSE . $ 10 AND MINE , GOD HELP ME . $ WHY I SHOULD BE CRIMPING IN A PLACE LIKE THIS I 'LL NEVER KN OW . $ 07 < ( TO JED ) > $ WHAT ABOUT YOU ? $ 17 ANY PLACE IS HOME FOR ME . $ SO WHO CARES ? $ < ( LEROI ENTERS WITH MRS. JAMES . ) > $ 14 MRS. JAMES IS HERE TO SEE MR. GILLMAN . $ 01 < ( SHOUTING OFF ) > $ CHRISTOPHER ! $ < ( TO MRS. JAMES ) > $ HOW NICE OF YOU TO COME AND SEE ME . $ 13 NOT AT ALL . $ IT 'S QUITE AN HONOUR . $ I WAS TOLD YOU WOULDN'T GIVE INTERVIEWS . $ < ( CHRISTOPHER APPEARS . ) > $ 01 THIS IS MRS. JAMES , CHRISTOPHER . $ SHE 'S COME TO HAVE A CHAT . $ 02 DO YOU WANT US TO ALL GO ? $ 01 NOT AT ALL . $ I SHAN'T FEEL HALF AS SELF-CONSCIOUS IF I 'VE GOT MY CHUMS A ROUND ME . $ 09 DO SIT DOWN , MRS. JAMES . $ THANK YOU , LEROI . $ HOW VERY NICE TO MEET YOU . $ 13 I HOPE IT WILL BE . $ 09 SHALL WE START OFF RIGHT AWAY ? $ OR CAN I GET YOU A DRINK OR SOMETHING ? $ 13 NO , THANK YOU . $ 09 ONLY HE GETS A LITTLE FATIGUED IN THIS HEAT . $ 13 SO DO WE ALL . $ I SHAN'T TAKE MUCH OF YOUR TIME . $ IF YOU 'VE NO OBJECTION , I 'LL JUST TURN ON THIS LITTLE TAP E-RECORDER . $ I HOPE IT WORKS ALL RIGHT . $ 09 THEY ALL SAY THAT . $ 13 DO THEY ? $ WELL , I 'LL TRY AND GET IT WORKING . $ COULD YOU JUST SAY A FEW WORDS FOR LEVEL ? $ 01 WHO , ME ? $ #70 $ 13 IT IS YOU I 'VE COME TO INTERVIEW . $ 01 RIGHT . $ WHAT ABOUT POLITICS ? $ WELL , I 'M JUST AN OLD RADICAL WHO DETESTS PROGRESS . $ BUT THEN NOBODY HATES IT MORE . $ DON'T YOU THINK , MRS. JAMES ? $ 13 YOU 'RE THE ONE BEING INTERVIEWED . $ I 'LL JUST PLAY THAT BACK . $ < ( SHE DOES SO . ) > $ 13 THAT 'S FINE . $ 01 WELL , WHERE SHALL WE BEGIN ? $ 13 WHEREVER YOU LIKE . $ 09 YOU 'RE THE ONE CONDUCTING THE INTERVIEW . $ 01 I DON'T REALLY KNOW WHY YOU SHOULD WANT TO TALK TO ME AT ALL . $ I 'VE GOT NO INTERESTING VIEWS OR OPINIONS ABOUT ANYTHING . $ NEVER HAVE DONE . $ I DON'T BELIEVE IN MUCH , NEVER HAVE DONE , NEVER BEEN INSPI RED BY ANYTHING . $ I 'M SIMPLY OVERTALKATIVE , VAIN , CORPULENT , AND A BIT OF A PLAYED-OUT HULK , AS I THINK MOST OF THE WORLD KNOWS AND I 'M SURPRISED THE NEWS HASN'T EVEN REACHED THIS DELIGHTFUL L ITTLE ISLAND OF YOURS . $ 13 ISN'T IT A BIT EARLY TO START BEING PATRONIZING ? $ 01 I AM NEVER PATRONIZING . $ I AM IN NO POSITION TO BE SO . $ AND NEVER HAVE BEEN . $ 13 HOW DO YOU FEEL AT THE MOMENT ? $ HOW DO YOU FEEL AT THE MOMENT ? $ 01 JUST ABOUT THE SAME AS USUAL . $ EXCEPT HOTTER . $ ALWAYS WEARY , INEFFABLY BORED , ALWAYS IN SOME SORT OF VAGU E PAIN AND ALWAYS WITH A BIT OF UNSATISFYING HATRED BURNING AWAY IN THE OLD INSIDE LIKE A HEARTBURN OR INDIGESTION . $ 13 I CAN SEE WE MAY NOT GET VERY FAR . $ 01 DOES IT MATTER ? $ 13 NOT TO YOU . $ I 'VE SIMPLY BEEN SENT TO DO A JOB . $ WELL , LET 'S TAKE AN EASY ONE FIRST : WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FELLOW WRITERS ? $ #71 $ 01 FELLOW WRITERS ! $ WHAT A DREADFUL EXPRESSION ! $ 13 I 'M SORRY , I COULDN'T THINK OF ANYTHING ELSE TO DESCRIB E THE PEOPLE WHO PRACTISE THE SAME PROFESSION . $ 01 I TRY NOT TO THINK OF MY FELLOW WRITERS . $ IF THEY 'RE BETTER THAN I AM , I AM DISTURBED . $ IF THEY 'RE WORSE , WHICH IS UNUSUAL , I SIMPLY FEEL SORRY . $ 13 WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THE STATE OF ENGLISH LITERATURE A T THE MOMENT ? $ 01 NOTHING AT ALL . $ 13 WOULD YOU SAY THAT YOU STRIKE POSTURES WITH PEOPLE WHOM Y OU REGARD AS PROVINCIALS ? $ 01 VERY LIKELY , I 'M AFRAID . $ BUT NOT IN YOUR CASE . $ YOU 'RE QUITE CLEARLY VERY SOPHISTICATED . $ I MEAN , YOU WOULDN'T HAVE MUCH TROUBLE GETTING THE EDGE ON ME . $ YOU CAN NEVER WIN AN INTERVIEW IF YOU ARE BEING INTERVIEWED . $ 13 I 'M NOT TRYING TO WIN ANYTHING . $ I 'M SIMPLY TRYING TO ARRIVE AT SOME SORT OF APPROXIMATION O F THE TRUTH . $ 01 DO YOU THINK THERE IS SUCH A THING ? $ 13 I DON'T THINK YOU SHOULD ASK ME FACILE QUESTIONS , EVEN I F YOU ARE A FAMOUS MAN AND PAYING US A VISIT . $ 01 I 'M NOT PAYING YOU A VISIT . $ I AM VISITING MY DAUGHTER AND HER HUSBAND . $ AND STAYING WITH MY OTHER DAUGHTERS AND FRIENDS . $ 13 DO YOU THINK WE SHOULD GIVE UP THIS INTERVIEW ? $ 01 I THINK THAT ONUS IS ENTIRELY UPON YOU . $ 13 QUITE RIGHT . $ WHAT DO YOU THINK OF AS BEING UTOPIA ? $ 01 A PLACE WITHOUT PAIN , PASSION OR NOBILITY . $ WHERE THERE IS NO HATRED , BOREDOM OR IMPERFECTION . $ 13 WHAT DO YOU THINK OF MAN ? $ 01 AS A DEFECT , STRIVING FOR EXCELLENCE . $ #72 $ 13 DO YOU REALLY THINK THAT ? $ 01 NO , BUT PRESUMABLY YOU WANT ME TO SAY SOMETHING , HOWEVE R DULL . $ HOWEVER , I DO THINK THAT THERE IS A DISASTROUSLY FALSE , AN D VERY MODERN , IDEA THAT YOU CAN BE ABSOLUTELY HONEST . $ 13 HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT YOUR PRESENT WORK ? $ 01 AT THE MOMENT I DON'T REALLY HAVE ANY PRESENT WORK TO SPE AK OF . $ 13 BUT HAS ANY OF IT BEEN AN ADVANCE ? $ 01 THE IDEA OF ADVANCE IS ONLY SOMETHING THAT IS NURTURED BY UNCREATIVE PEOPLE AND CRITICS . $ 13 YOU ARE WELL KNOWN FOR BEING OVER-SENSITIVE TO CRITICISM . $ 01 AM I ? $ I SIMPLY DISLIKE IT LIKE A DOG DISLIKES FLEAS . $ 13 DIDN'T DOCTOR JOHNSON SAY THAT ? $ 01 PROBABLY , BUT I SHOULD HAVE THOUGHT THE OLD BOY WOULD HA VE PUT IT A BIT BETTER , DON'T YOU ? $ 13 DO YOU DELIBERATELY ADOPT A PUBLIC POSE ? $ 01 YES . $ 13 WHY ? $ 01 BECAUSE IT MAKES LIFE SLIGHTLY MORE TOLERABLE . $ THE SAME APPLIES TO PRIVATE LIFE . $ 13 THEN WHY DO YOU CONSENT TO BE INTERVIEWED ? $ 01 I NEED THE MONEY . $ 13 BUT WE CAN'T AFFORD TO PAY YOU . $ 01 I 'M AFRAID CHRISTOPHER DIDN'T TELL ME THAT . $ 13 WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT RELIGION TODAY ? $ 01 I THINK ABOUT RELIGION IF I THINK ABOUT IT AT ALL AS IT W AS IN ANY TIME IN HUMAN HISTORY . $ I THINK ABOUT IT AS THE EXERCISE OF LAW AS APPLIED BY EACH M AN TO HIMSELF , EVEN IF THAT LAW BE ANARCHY , NEGATION OR DE SPAIR . $ IF YOU 'RE REALLY INTERESTED , AND IT 'S PRETTY CLEAR THAT Y OU CAN'T BE INTERESTED IN A PONTIFICATING OLD ENGLISH BUFFER LIKE ME , THAT I ALSO BELIEVE IN WHAT ST. AUGUSTINE CALLED " THE HARSH NECESSITY OF SIN " . $ #73 $ IT 'S A PONDEROUS PHRASE BUT PROBABLY NO WORSE THAN " MAKE L OVE NOT WAR " AND OF COURSE , I 'VE ALWAYS BEEN VERY KEEN ON THE KING JAMES BIBLE AND THE ENGLISH GENIUS TO BOOT , WHICH IT IS BEING BOOTED VERY SWIFTLY , OH AND GOOD OLD CRANMER'S BOOK OF COMMON PRAYER . $ IT 'S LIKE THE BIBLE , IT COMBINES PROFUNDITY WITHOUT COMPLE XITY . $ 13 WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT PROTEST MOVEMENTS ? $ 01 PROTEST IS EASY . $ BUT GRIEF MUST BE LIVED . $ AS DEAR OLD YEATS SAID , DEAR OLD THING , BE SECRET AND EXUL T . $ SECRET ... $ 13 WOULD YOU SAY THAT YOU ARE A NEUROTIC ? $ 01 ON THE WHOLE , YES , ALL NEUROTICS ARE BULLIES . $ BUT THEN SO ARE MOST INTERVIEWERS . $ 13 GOING BACK AGAIN TO ONE OF YOUR FAVOURITE TOPICS , CRITIC S ... $ 01 ONE OF YOURS TOO , SO IT SEEMS . $ 13 WHAT WOULD YOU SAY WAS THE FUNCTION OF CRITICS , IF ANY ? $ 01 CRITICS ARE SACROSANCT . $ YOU MUST MAKE IT CLEAR TO YOUR READERS THAT THEY ARE SIMPLY AND OBVIOUSLY MORE IMPORTANT THAN POETS OR WRITERS . $ THAT 'S WHY YOU SHOULD ALWAYS GET IN WITH THEM . $ YOU SEE , WHAT WE CHAPS DO MAY BE ALL RIGHT IN ITS LITTLE WA Y BUT WHAT REALLY COUNTS IS THE FACT THAT IF IT WEREN'T FOR THE EXISTENCE OF CRITICS , WE SHOULDN'T BE AROUND AT ALL OR WOULD JUST BE ON THE DOLE OR RUNNING CHICKEN FARMS . $ NEVER MAKE CHEAP JOKES ABOUT CRITICS . $ YOU 'VE GOT TO REMEMBER THIS : THE CRITIC IS ABOVE CRITICISM BECAUSE HE HAS THE GOOD SENSE NEVER TO DO ANYTHING . $ HE 'S UP THERE HELPING US POOR LITTLE GUYS TO UNDERSTAND WHA T THE HELL WE 'RE DOING , WHICH IS A JOLLY HELPFUL THING , Y OU MUST AGREE . $ AND IF HE STOPS YOU FROM WRITING AT ALL THEN HE 'S DONE THE BEST JOB POSSIBLE . $ #74 $ AFTER ALL , WHO WANTS TO READ OR LISTEN TO WHAT SOME POOR OL D WRITER HAS PUMPED OUT OF HIS DISEASED HEART WHEN HE CAN RE AD A BALANCED AND REASONED JUDGEMENT ABOUT LIFE , LOVE AND L ITERATURE FROM AN ALOOF AND INFORMED COMMENTATOR . $ 13 NOW THAT YOU HAVE REACHED A CERTAIN STAGE IN LIFE , WHAT , IN FACT , DO YOU THINK ABOUT THINGS LIKE BEING IN LOVE ? $ 01 I THINK : THANK GOD I DON'T HAVE TO BE IN LOVE ANY MORE . $ 13 WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE ? $ 01 I THINK I 'M PROBABLY WHAT MY DAUGHTER FREDERICA SAYS SHE IS , JUST A LOT OF HOT SHIT , IF YOU 'LL PARDON THE EXPRESS ION , BLOOD , VANITY AND A CERTAIN PROWESS . $ 13 THERE IS A RUMOUR THAT YOU HAVE GIVEN UP WRITING ALTOGETH ER . $ 01 HEARD THAT DID YOU ? $ HEAR THAT , CHRISTOPHER ? $ GOD , THAT WAS THE RUMOUR I TRIED TO SPREAD ABOUT MYSELF . $ 13 IN THESE CHANGING TIMES , DO YOU STILL BELIEVE THAT WORDS IN THEMSELVES HAVE ANY MEANING , VALUE OR VALIDITY ? $ 01 I STILL CLING PATHETICALLY TO THE OLD BARDIC BELIEF THAT " WORDS ALONE ARE CERTAIN GOOD " . $ 13 DO YOU STILL LIVE IN LONDON FOR ANY REASON ? $ 01 SAME REASON AS DEAR OLD YEATS AGAIN . $ LIVED IN DUBLIN . $ GREAT HATRED . $ LITTLE ROOM . $ 13 DO YOU SEE ART AS GOING IN ANY PARTICULAR DIRECTION NOW ? $ 01 I CAN HARDLY SEE THE TABLE IN FRONT OF ME . $ ALL ART IS SIMPLY CRITICISM NOW . $ POSTURING AS ART , SELF-EVALUATING , CATEGORIZING , CONSTITU TIONAL , BRANDED , HECTORING AND ELBOWING EVERYONE OUT OF TH E WAY . $ 13 WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT FRIENDSHIP ? $ #75 $ 01 A LOST ART . $ YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO DISCUSS YOUR FRIEND'S COLDS OR TOOTHAC HES AS IF THEY WERE RAILWAY DISASTERS . $ AS LONG AS YOU BOTH KNOW THEY 'RE NOT . $ 13 NOW , TO A DIFFICULT QUESTION , AS I KNOW YOU HAVE NOT BE EN HERE LONG . $ WHAT ARE YOUR FEELINGS ABOUT THE ISLAND AND THE PEOPLE YOU ' VE MET ? $ 01 ALL THE GOOD THINGS I 'VE SEEN OF THE ISLAND SEEM TO BE L EGACIES OF THE BRITISH , THE SPANISH AND THE DUTCH , PARTICU LARLY IN THE BUILDINGS AND WHAT 'S LEFT OF ANY PROPER DISPEN SATION OF THE LAW . $ AS FOR THE PEOPLE , THEY SEEM TO ME TO BE A VERY UNAPPEALING MIXTURE OF HYSTERIA AND LETHARGY , BRUTALITY AND SENTIMENTA LITY . $ 13 WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO TURN THIS THING OFF ? $ 01 NOT FOR MY SAKE . $ I 'M PAST PROTECTION . $ AREN'T I , CHRISTOPHER ? $ 13 WOMEN HAVE FIGURED A GREAT DEAL IN YOUR LIFE . $ 01 THAT SOUNDS LIKE A CRITICISM VEILED AS A QUESTION . $ 13 WHAT WOULD YOU SAY YOUR FEELINGS ARE ABOUT WOMEN NOWADAYS ? $ 01 I HAVE VERY LITTLE TO DO WITH WOMEN NOWADAYS . $ AS YOU CAN SEE , I 'VE NEVER BEEN PARTICULARLY ATTRACTIVE AN D IF YOU WANT TO ASK THAT SORT OF QUESTION , AND YOU CLEARLY DO , I 'M PRETTY WELL PAST IT ANYWAY . $ THE TROUBLE WITH WOMEN IS THAT I 'VE ALWAYS MADE A CARDINAL MISTAKE : OF TREATING THEM AS FRIENDS AND EQUALS WHICH THEY PATENTLY ARE NOT . $ WOMEN ONLY REALLY LOVE BULLIES . $ 13 DON'T YOU THINK THAT 'S A SWEEPING STATEMENT ? $ 01 YES . $ 13 WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THE CLASS SITUATION IN ENGLAND ? $ 01 I 'M VERY FOND OF IT . $ IT PROVIDES A GREAT DEAL OF ENTERTAINMENT , FUN AND SPECULAT ION FOR PEOPLE WHO HAVE NOTHING BETTER TO DO . $ LIKE MANY OF THE UPPER CLASS , I 'VE LIKED THE SOUND OF BROK EN GLASS . $ #76 $ 13 WHAT ABOUT GOD ? $ 01 I SAY , WE ARE GETTING DOWN TO IT , AREN'T WE ? $ ARE YOU SURE YOU WON'T HAVE A DRINK ? $ I 'VE ALWAYS HAD A BIT OF A LEANING TOWARDS HIM . $ I THINK PERHAPS PEOPLE NOWADAYS , PEOPLE PROBABLY MAKE THE M ISTAKE OF THINKING OF GOD AS SOME SORT OF COMPETITIVE FAMILY CONCERN . $ YOU KNOW , WHO MIGHT BE PUSHED OUT OF THE MARKET BY A BIT OF SMART OPERATION . $ 13 YOU SEEM TO KEEP REFERRING TO BOREDOM . $ IS IT AN OBSESSION WITH YOU ? $ 01 NO , I 'M A BIT TOO KEEN ON MYSELF . $ BUT I THINK EVERYONE SHOULD HAVE A DAILY RATION OF IT . $ 13 GOING BACK TO LITERATURE - $ 01 OH , IS IT STILL THERE ? $ 13 DO YOU BELIEVE IN THE NEW TESTAMENT IDEA OF THE GIFT OF T ONGUES ? $ 01 YES I DO . $ MINE WAS JUST A RATHER FLABBY , FLAILING THING . $ EVERYONE SAID I WAS RHETORICAL RATHER THAN RECONDITE . $ AND I THINK THEY WERE RIGHT . $ 13 HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF POLITICALLY ? $ 01 I WOULDN'T ATTEMPT TO . $ FOR ONE THING IT ISN'T INTERESTING ENOUGH . $ I BELIEVE IN WORK BUT NOT IN WORK TO KEEP OUT ALL THIS DESOL ATION WE LIVE IN . $ I BELIEVE IN CHARITY AND I DON'T MEAN IN THE AMERICAN SENSE , WHICH IS HAVING BUDDIES SO THAT YOU CAN GET ON . $ I DON'T THINK I REALLY BELIEVE IN GOING ON STRIKE , EVEN WHE N SOME POOR DEVIL 'S IN THE RIGHT . $ MY FATHER BELIEVED THAT . $ DO YOU KNOW ONE THING I 'M REALLY ASHAMED OF ? $ I DROVE A BUS IN THE GENERAL STRIKE . $ I THOUGHT I WAS SUCH A DASHING FELLOW . $ 13 EVERYONE ALWAYS THINKS OF YOU AS A VERY ENGLISH WRITER - $ #77 $ 01 OH , DO THEY REALLY ? $ 13 YOU KNOW PERFECTLY WELL . $ DO YOU THINK THAT THERE IS STILL SOMETHING SPECIAL ABOUT BEI NG ENGLISH RATHER THAN SOME OTHER NATIONALITY ? $ 01 I DON'T KNOW . $ I ALWAYS THINK THAT THERE 'S SOMETHING LIKE A CERTAIN FORM O F , SAY , CLOUD FORMATION , CALLED THE ENGLISH IMAGINATION . $ AND IF EVER THERE WAS A CRITIC'S PHRASE , I THINK THAT 'S PR OBABLY ONE . $ 13 DO YOU THINK OF YOURSELF AS AN ARTIST ? $ 01 EVERYONE NOWADAYS IS APPARENTLY AN ARTIST . $ 13 BUT DO YOU BELIEVE IT ? $ 01 NO . $ I BELIEVE IN SPECIAL GIFTS . $ JUST AS I BELIEVE SOME PEOPLE ARE BETTER THAN OTHERS . $ 13 DO YOU BELIEVE IN THE FAMILY ? $ 01 I DON'T BELIEVE IN ITS CONTINUANCE , IF THAT 'S WHAT YOU MEAN . $ I DO THINK IT HAD ITS PLEASURES WHILE IT LASTED AND I WAS FO RTUNATE ENOUGH TO HAVE ENJOYED AND SUFFERED THEM . $ I HAD A FATHER WHOM I LOVED AND NOW I HAVE DAUGHTERS WHOM I LOVE , NO DOUBT LARGELY SELFISHLY . $ BUT I WOULDN'T CALL IT A WRITE-OFF EITHER FOR THEM OR ME . $ OR INDEED THEIR MOTHER . $ LIKE THE PASSING OF EMPIRES AND PRIDE OF TONGUE . $ 13 DO YOU THINK THAT THE RELATION BETWEEN THE SEXES IS HEALT HIER NOW THAN WHEN YOU WERE A YOUNG MAN ? $ 01 YES . $ BUT LESS PLEASURABLE AND LESS ENDURING . $ BUT THAT IS NOT A QUESTION TO ASK AN OLD MAN . $ 13 WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUNG PEOPLE ? $ 01 I TRY NOT TO . $ BUT THEN I 'VE ALWAYS PREFERRED THE INSTINCT OF FRIENDSHIP T O THAT OF THE HERD . $ 13 WHAT DO YOU THINK OF AS REAL SIN ? $ 01 THE INCAPACITY FOR PROPER DESPAIR . $ ABOUT TALKING ABOUT LOSS OF FAITH AS IF IT WERE SOME BRIEFCA SE YOU 'VE LEFT BEHIND YOU ON THE TUBE . $ 13 WHAT DO YOU LOOK ON AS VIRTUE THEN ? $ #78 $ 01 TRUE INNOCENCE . $ 13 LASTLY , MR. GILLMAN , WHAT DO YOU DREAD MOST AT THIS STA GE OF YOUR LIFE ? $ 01 NOT DEATH . $ BUT LUDICROUS DEATH . $ AND I ALSO FEEL IT IN THE AIR . $ < ( LONG PAUSE . $ ENTER TWO AMERICAN TOURISTS . $ THEY ARE MR. AND MRS. DEKKER . ) > $ 02 YES ? $ 16 OH , WE WERE JUST LOOKING FOR THE GIFT SHOP . $ 02 WELL ,I 'M AFRAID THIS ISN'T THE GIFT SHOP . $ 16 OH , DEAR , I 'M SO SORRY . $ IT 'S JUST THAT MY HUSBAND AND I , MR. DEKKER HERE , WANTED TO BUY A FEW THINGS TO TAKE BACK HOME . $ WE 'VE BOUGHT SOMETHING FROM EVERY PLACE WE 'VE BEEN . $ 02 I THINK THE PLACE YOU 'RE LOOKING FOR IS JUST DOWN THE RO AD . $ 16 OH DEAR , I 'M SO SORRY . $ THIS MUST BE A PRIVATE HOME . $ 02 THAT WAS WHAT MY SISTER HOPED . $ 16 ONLY YOU SEE MR. DEKKER AND I ARE ON THIS CRUISE AND THEY TOLD US THE GIFT SHOP WAS JUST DOWN THE ROAD . $ 02 WELL , IT IS . $ BUT I 'M AFRAID WE 'VE NOTHING TO SELL . $ 16 WE 'RE WITH THE FOLK SONG AND DANCE SOCIETY OF AMERICA . $ 10 HOW NICE FOR YOU . $ YOU ALL HAVE SUCH LOVELY HAIR . $ 16 DO YOU LIVE HERE ? $ YOU ACTUALLY LIVE HERE ? $ 02 MY SISTER AND HER HUSBAND LIVE HERE AND SO DO TWO OF THES E GENTLEMEN . $ THE REST OF US ARE WHAT IS KNOWN AS " PASSING THROUGH " . $ 16 HAVING INTRUDED UPON YOU IN THIS WAY , MAY I ASK YOU A SM ALL FAVOUR ? $ 08 CERTAINLY . $ 15 MAY WE TAKE A PHOTOGRAPH OF YOUR BEAUTIFUL HOME ? $ 08 BY ALL MEANS . $ GARDEN AS WELL IF YOU LIKE . $ #79 $ 16 AND COULD WE TAKE A PICTURE OF YOU ALL AS WELL ? $ 02 WHY NOT GO THE WHOLE HOG ? $ 16 MY HUSBAND , MR. DEKKER , JUST LOVES TO TAKE MOMENTOS . $ 02 YES , THEY ARE NICE , AREN'T THEY ? $ < ( THEY ALL POSE QUICKLY WHILE MR. DEKKER TAKES HIS PHOTOGR APHS . ) > $ 16 WELL , THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH . $ IT WAS A REAL PLEASURE MEETING YOU ALL . $ 02 LIKEWISE , MRS. DEKKER . $ < ( MR. AND MRS. DEKKER WAVE FAREWELL AND GO OUT . ) > $ < ( PAUSE . ) > $ 12 < ( TO FREDERICA ) > $ YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO BE LIKE THAT , YOU KNOW . $ THEY 'RE HARMLESS . $ 02 YOU THINK SO ? $ 12 I KNOW SO . $ 02 WHY DO YOU REALLY LIVE HERE ? $ IS IT REALLY JUST BECAUSE YOU WANT TO BRING WATER DOWN FROM THE MOUNTAINS TO A LOT OF PEOPLE WHO AREN'T THAT BOTHERED AN YWAY ? $ 01 I THOUGHT THEY WERE A NICE COUPLE OF OLD DEARS . $ 02 NO , YOU DIDN'T . $ YOU PRETEND THAT YOU DID . $ LIKE YOU 'VE PRETENDED TO SO MUCH ELSE ALWAYS . $ 03 FREDERICA - LEAVE FATHER ALONE . $ 02 WHY SHOULD I ? $ < ( TO WYATT ) > $ THE TROUBLE WITH YOU IS THAT YOU 'VE ALWAYS BEEN ALLOWED TO GET AWAY WITH IT . $ YES , I MEAN , GET AWAY WITH IT . $ LIKE SOME OF US CAN'T . $ YOU GET AWAY WITH IT ALL . $ BAD MANNERS . $ LAZINESS . $ COWARDICE . $ LATENESS . $ HURTFUL INDISCRETION . $ AND WE 'RE ALL SUPPOSED TO BE STUNNED BY THE HUMOUR AND ECCE NTRICITY OF IT . $ < ( PAUSE . ) > $ 01 I AM A CLOWN . $ ... $ PEOPLE LAUGH AT ME IN THE STREET WHEN THEY SEE ME . $ BUT , AS YOU SAY , IT 'S MY OWN FAULT . $ #80 $ < ( WYATT GETS TO HIS FEET . ) > $ THINK I NEED A BIT OF A WALK AFTER THAT LUNCH WITH THE BRIGA DIER . $ < ( THEY ALL WATCH HIM GO OFF IN THE DIRECTION OF THE BEACH . ) > $ < CURTAIN > $ < END OF ACT TWO , SCENE ONE > $ < ACT TWO , SCENE TWO > $ < THE SAME EVENING , AS BEFORE . $ THE AIR SEEMS STILL AND THERE IS A STRANGE NOISE OF RESENTFU L-SOUNDING MUSIC IN THE DISTANCE . $ DOGS HOWL . $ FREDERICA PICKS UP A CUSHION DROPPED BY LEROI . $ SHE GOES FOR A CIGARETTE AND , HAVING GOT IT , TURNS AND ALM OST BUMPS INTO CHRISTOPHER . > $ 02 EDWARD 'S TALKED TO THAT BOY DOWN ON THAT BEACH NEARLY AL L DAY LONG . $ WHY CAN'T HE SHUT HIM UP ! $ OR ROBIN ! $ SHE 'S SUPPOSED TO BE SUCH A HOSTESS . $ ANY OF YOU . $ YOU . $ YOU 'RE WYATT'S GREAT PROTECTOR ... $ AREN'T YOU ? $ BUT , NO , YOU ALL LET THE BOY JUST GO ON AND ON - AND DADDY PRETENDING TO BE DEAF ... ALL THE WHILE . $ DON'T BOTHER TO ANSWER ... $ 09 I WON'T . $ EVEN IF I COULD . $ < ( SHE OFFERS HIM A CIGARETTE . ) > $ STRANGE SOUND ... $ 02 WHAT ? $ 09 THE MUSIC . $ 02 NOT VERY ATTRACTIVE . $ I SUPPOSE THEY THINK IT HAS A SIMPLE , BROODING NATIVE CHARM AND VITALITY . $ #81 $ WHICH IS ABOUT THE LAST THING ANY OF THEM HAVE GOT . $ ANYWAY , THEY NEVER STOP PLAYING IT . $ 09 TOURISTS LIKE IT , I SUPPOSE . $ 02 THEY WOULD . $ ... $ WHY DID YOU LEAVE YOUR WIFE AND GIVE UP EVERYTHING FOR THE O LD MAN ? $ IT CAN'T BE MUCH FUN . $ OR IS IT ? $ 09 YOU DO ASK DIRECT QUESTIONS , DON'T YOU ? $ 02 ONLY WHEN I THINK I MIGHT GET A DIRECT ANSWER . $ RATHER CHARMLESS REALLY . $ 09 WELL ... $ 02 NO . $ YOU NEEDN'T TELL ME IF YOU DON'T WANT . $ OR FICTIONALIZE JUST TO PLEASE ME . $ 09 I WANT TO PLEASE YOU . $ 02 PLEASE ME ? $ WHY ? $ 09 BECAUSE , WELL , I 'VE SIMPLY GOT A THING , THIS THING AB OUT YOU . $ FOR YOU . $ 02 WHY ? $ 09 OH , LOTS OF REASONS . $ YOU 'RE IN PAIN A LOT OF THE TIME . $ 02 I DON'T NEED A NURSE , THANKS . $ ANYWAY , YOU 'VE GOT THE OLD MAN AND HE NEEDS TEN BLOOMING N URSEMAIDS AND GOD KNOWS WHAT . $ 09 NO . $ I DIDN'T FANCY MY CHANCES . $ 02 RIGHT . $ THERE 'S NO FUTURE IN ME . $ NOT FOR ANYONE . $ ONE DAY IT 'LL BE JUST ... OUT . $ ... $ TELL ME ABOUT YOUR WIFE . $ 09 SHE JUST , DIDN'T FANCY ME , THAT 'S ALL . $ 02 PERHAPS YOU WEREN'T VERY FANCIABLE . $ 09 INDEED . $ SO I LEFT HER THE HOUSE , MOST OF THE MONEY ... AND THE CHIL D ... I MINDED THAT ... $ 02 THE CHILD ? $ 09 YES . $ 02 I WONDER IF YOU REALLY DID . $ OR WAS IT THE HOUSE AND THE MONEY ? $ IS THE OLD BOY A FAIR EXCHANGE ? $ #82 $ 09 I THINK SO ... I ADMIRE HIM . $ 02 DO YOU ? $ 09 DO YOU THINK I 'M BENT ? $ 02 NO . $ JUST A BIT POTTY . $ LIKE MOST OF US ... $ 09 THERE WAS ANOTHER WOMAN WHO DIDN'T FANCY ME EITHER . $ SO I JUST GAVE UP . $ 02 FAINT OF HEART . $ 09 QUITE . $ 02 YOU 'RE QUITE ATTRACTIVE . $ 09 NOT VERY . $ ... $ YOU KNOW THAT BOY JED . $ HE REMINDS ME OF A YOUNG S.S. MAN I KILLED IN THE WAR . $ UNARMED PRISONER . $ A G.I. TRIED TO STOP ME SO I SHOT HIM TOO . $ 02 NOW , THAT 'S NOT ATTRACTIVE . $ 09 NO . $ ... $ NOT A BIT ... $ 02 DID YOU GEY AWAY WITH IT ? $ 09 OH , YES . $ IT 'S AMAZING WHAT YOU CAN . $ 02 DON'T WE ALL KNOW ? $ ... $ WHY DOES HE PRETEND TO BE DEAF AND IN FRONT OF JED ? $ < ( PAUSE . ) > $ < ( THE REST OF THE COMPANY COME IN FROM THE DINING-ROOM . $ THEY ALL LOOK UNEASY , PARTICULARLY ALASTAIR , WHO IS HYSTER ICAL . ) > $ 10 < ( TO EVERYONE ) > $ I TOLD HIM TO GO ! $ I TOLD HIM TO GO ! $ BUT HE WON'T ! $ HE JUST WON'T ! $ OH GOD ! $ < ( ALASTAIR SITS DOWN AND WEEPS SILENTLY . ) > $ JUST ANOTHER OF MY CRYING JAGS ... $ < ( JED LOOKS DOWN AT ALASTAIR CONTEMPTUOUSLY AND THEN TURNS TO ADDRESS EVERYONE ELSE . ) > $ 17 YOU ALL , YOU ALL BASTARDS ... I SIT HERE LISTENING TO YO U . $ HAVING YOUR FANCY DINNER AND YOUR WINE FROM FRANCE AND ENGLA ND . $ YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK OF YOU ? $ WHAT WE THINK OF YOU ? $ WHAT WE THINK OF YOU ? $ FUCK ALL YOUR SHIT - THAT 'S WHAT WE THINK . $ ONE PERSON , NOT LIKE ANY ONE OF YOU HERE , EVEN IF HE 'S TH E GOD-DAMNEST CRETIN , I 'D MAKE HIM GOD , YES , MAN , RATHE R THAN YOU . $ #83 $ HEAR ME . $ LISTEN TO ME IF YOU CAN HEAR ANYTHING BUT THE SOUND OF YOUR OWN SELVES AND PRESENT . $ I 'M NOT INTERESTED IN YOUR ARGUMENTS , NOT THAT THEY ARE , OF YOUR SO-CALLED MEMORIES AND ALL THAT PATHETIC SHIT . $ THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS , MAN , IS BLOOD , MAN . $ BLOOD . $ ... $ YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS ? $ NO , NO , YOU SURELY AS TO HELL DON'T . $ NO , NO WHEN YOU PIGS , YOU PIGS GO , IT AIN'T GOING TO BE N O FUCKING FOURTH OF JULY . $ ALL I SEE , AND I LAUGH WHEN I SEE IT , MAN , I LAUGH , IS Y OU PIGS BARBECUED , BARBECUED IN YOUR OWN SHIT . $ WE 'RE , YES , WE 'RE GOING TO TAKE OVER AND DON'T YOU BEGIN TO FORGET IT . $ MAN , I FEEL REAL SORRY FOR YOU LOT . $ NO , I DON'T . $ ... $ YOU GOT IT COMING . $ AND YOU HAVE SOON . $ THINK OF THE THEATRE OF THE MIND , BABY , OLD MOULDING BABIE S , EXCEPT YOU WON'T . $ WE COUNT AND WE DO , NOT LIKE YOU , WE REALLY , REALLY DO . $ ...$ WHY , WE FALL ABOUT LAUGHING AT YOU PEOPLE , NOT PEOPLE , YO U 'RE NOT PEOPLE , YOU PIGS . $ WE ARE PEOPLE . $ WE ARE . $ BUT NOT YOU . $ YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND AND WHY SHOULD YOU BECAUSE , BELIEVE ME , BABIES , OLD FAILING BABIES , WORDS , YES I MEAN WORDS , EVEN WHAT I'M SAYING TO YOU NOW , IS GOING TO BE THE FIRST T O GO . $ GO , BABY . $ GO . $ YOU CAN'T EVEN MAKE LOVE . $ DO YOU UNDERSTAND ONE WORD , THOSE OLD WORDS YOU LOVE SO MUC H , WHAT I MEAN ? $ NO . $ AND YOU WON'T . $ IF IT AIN'T WRITTEN DOWN , YOU DON'T BELIEVE IT . $ ... $ THERE 'S ONLY ONE WORD LEFT AND YOU KNOW WHAT THAT IS . $ IT 'S FUCK , MAN . $ FUCK . $ ... $ THAT 'S THE LAST OF THE ENGLISH FOR YOU BABIES . $ OR MAYBE SHIT . $ BECAUSE THAT 'S WHAT WE 'RE GOING TO DO ON YOU . $ SHIT . $ THAT 'S WHAT YOU 'LL ALL GO DOWN IN . $ ONE BLISSFUL , GOD-LIKE SHIT . $ YOU THINK WE 'RE MOTHER-FUCKING , STINKING , YELLING , SHOUT ING SHITS . $ #84 $ WELL THAT 'S WHAT WE ARE , BABIES . $ AND THERE 'S NOTHING , NOT NOTHING YOU OR ANYBODY ELSE CAN D O ABOUT IT . $ JESUS IS SORT OF SHIT . $ BUT YOU 'RE NOT EVEN SHIT . $ WE THINK , WE FUCK AND WE SHIT AND THAT 'S WHAT WE DO AND YO U 'RE ON THE GREAT GASPING END OF IT . $ BECAUSE YOU 'RE PIGS . $ JUST TAKE ONE LITTLE LOOK AT YOURSELVES . $ YOU 'RE PIGS , BABIES . $ PIGS . $ AND WE 'RE GONNA SHIT YOU OUT OF THIS WORLD , BABIES . $ RIGHT OUT OF THIS MOTHER-FUCKING WORLD . $ YOU KNOW WHAT ? $ I JUST HAD AN IDEA . $ LIKE THAT OLD PRICK WRITER THERE . $ COLONIALISM IS THE FORNICATION OF THE TWENTIETH CENTURY . $ YOU CAN'T BE YOUNG . $ ... $ SO ALL YOU 'D BETTER DO , ALL YOU WILL DO , IS DIE , DIE , B ABY . $ AND PRETTY SOON . $ JUST REAL SOON . $ LIKE TOMORROW . $ OR EVEN TONIGHT . $ < ( THERE IS A SHORT PAUSE . ) > $ 09 I REMEMBER KILLING SOMEONE LIKE YOU . $ ONLY HE WAS BLOND . $ 17 YES ? $ WELL , JUST REMEMBER IT . $ BECAUSE YOU MAY NOT REMEMBER IT MUCH LONGER . $ < ( PAUSE . ) > $ 01 I WAS NEVER A YOUNG MAN . $ I THINK I ALWAYS FELT OLD . $ I WAS ALWAYS WRINKLED SOMEHOW . $ MORE THAN I AM NOW . $ WELL , NEARLY . $ NOW I AM SORT OF OLD . $ NO , OLD . $ BUT SOMETHING ALWAYS KEPT TELLING ME I WAS YOUNG . $ VERY YOUNG . $ BUT , OF COURSE , I NEVER WAS . $ SOMETHING STARTED WITHOUT ME . $ TOO SLOW . $ NEVER GOT OFF THE OLD GROUND . $ NEVER GOT OFF THE GROUND . $ WASN'T SURE ABOUT THE GROUND AT ALL . $ NEVER CAPABLE OF INSPECTING IT . $ OR , ANYWAY , CLOSELY . $ NOT CLOSELY . $ ... $ NOT CLOSELY . $ ... $ I THINK I OUGHT TO GO TO BED . $ < ( AS WYATT RISES TO GO , SEVERAL ARMED ISLANDERS APPEAR OU T OF THE DARKNESS . $ HE LOOKS AT THEM WITH THEIR FIREARMS POINTING AT THE GROUP A ND TURNS TO RUN AWAY . $ #85 $ THEY SHOOT HIM DOWN . ) > $ < ( PAUSE . ) > $ 06 THERE 'S AN OLD ENGLISH SAYING . $ DON'T SUPPOSE YOU 'D KNOW IT ... $ 17 SO ? $ WHAT IS IT ? $ 06 MY GOD - THEY 'VE SHOT THE FOX ... $ < CURTAIN > $ < END OF PLAY > $