WHat, Brother Waterton! Now as I am a Gentleman, and by this martiall hand of mine, I rejoyce to ſée thée: and though the ſplendant Sunne of our Glory he now Eclipſed for a while, yet let us not quite caſt downe our drouping ſpirits; but let us rather ſtrive to comfort one another, and ſéeke to thaw the Frozen Zoane of our carefull hearts with a Cup of Old Canarie.

Brother Quarterman, I moſt humbly thanke you for your kindneſſe; and am moſt willing to attend your portly perſon to the Taverne, but I beſeech ye Sir, nor too much of that Canarie: for indeed the truth is, we are counted Canarie-Birds by too many alreadie; and therefore it is ſufficient that we content our ſelves with a Quart (or a Pottle) of burnt Claret, and ſo to clarifie our injuried ſoules from the ſcandalous report of our reproachfull enemies.

How! Who dare be ſo preſumptious, as to take notice of our procéedings? It is not ſo long that we have béene out of our Offices, for all the world to take notice; Let us make our ſelves buſie ſtill: Haſt thou never an old Staffe of Office to take in thy hand; were it but the thick end of a Broome-ſtick ſhould appeare in mine, in the likeneſſe of a Truncheon, it were enough to ſtrike terror into the hearts of a hundred people: But what Newes doeſt thou heare abroad, I prethée, concerning the Times?

Verily, brother Quarterman, it is ſuſpected amongſt our Brethren, that the King will come to the Citie, which cannot be without great prejudice to all our Societie, and to us two eſpecially: for as I hope to live, or to be honoured with the Name of High-Conſtable of Wapping againe, I had rather ſee Pauls Steeple fall to the very ground, then the King ſhould come with honour to London againe.

Indeed Brother Quarterman, it was an admirable piece of ſervice for the pulling down of that ſuperſtition and idolatry, and therefore there is none but ſuch as are inclin'd to Popery that can accuſe you for doing of that great work of piety.

Verily Brother VVaterton, a man would have thought ſo, and yet for all that I was never the better beloved in the City, for my great care and paines-taking in thoſe pyous workes of Reformation.

Hang love, (Brother Quarterman,) ſince we can not have it, for indeed it belongs not to men of our qualitie to be beloved, but rather to be feared, yet the truth, is both you and I have been too favourable in our Offices, and as the old ſaying is, too much pitty ſpoyles a Citie.

Nay, by the maſſe Brother Waterton, I never wanted for beggers curſes, and the rich ſometimes to boot, I would they had cauſe to curſe me ſtill, for I was like to the Kite, the more they curſt me the better I thrive, and they ſhall have good cauſe for't as long as I live.

I, but a laſſe Sir the ſtaves are now delivered out of our own hands, and we both being both diſarmed of our Authority, are ſubject unto injury as well as other men, (and by pye and pudding,) now that I am turn'd out of my Office I am afraid that I ſhall be called to give an accoumpt, for ſome things that have beene done in the time of my Conſtableſhip brother (Quarterman) this was a very ſtrange and unexpected alteration; that I who lately durſt puniſh or impriſon right or wrong, am now of a ſudden come to that paſſe that I can ſecure my perſon no more then he that never bore Office before in all his life time.

Truly Brother VVaterton, the caſe is not onely yours, but alſo mine, for I do verily believe that we are both ſick of one diſeaſe, and the one as uncureable as the other, for which the only Phyſick is as followeth, an ounce of honour, mixt with a pottle of preferment, put into a gallon Boule of ſecuritie, and made into a poſſet, under the great miltch Cow of the Common-wealth.

And is that good for an Ague I pray you brother Quarterman, for I feele a kind of ſhaking and ſhivering in my bones, that I am afraid things are not as they ſhould be with me.

Well, truly and I do believe that the moſt of our Blood is troubled with the ſame diſeaſe, are they not thinke you • pray ye tell me how all does about you in Wapping, and Stepney Pariſh, how fares it with my two Brothers Andrew and Benjamin, my Siſter Prudence and Priſcilla. with the reſt of our dearely beloved Friends and Tub-Preachers, are not they troubled with a ſhaking too? if they be not already, I am afraid it will come upon them very ſhortly, if they uſe not ſome ſpéedy meanes to prevent it.

Yes, the beſt way elſe is to take a wooden Horſe, and ſo h • yſt away for New-England, for the change of the Country may be the meanes to alter the conſtitution of the body.

But ſtay, Ile ſee a little further firſt, a man had almoſt as good venture a hanging here, as to leave his friends and meanes behind him, to hazard a drowning, to go to New-England or Virginia.

O Sir, but you looke very ill on't already, and your diſeaſe begins to appeare very deſperate, and deſperate diſeaſes requires deſperat cures, as the Proverb ſaith; And therefore Brother as you will, Either goe, or tarry still.

In truth Brother Quarterman, you and the Doctor are both in one opinion of me, and moſt men tells me that I droope mightily of a ſudden and indeed I find a great alteration in my ſelfe, not to be the like man I have beene formerly, neither at home nor abroad: but if it be ſo that rich men are mortall and muſt dye, Ile now take my chance in Old-England, and if I dye well, ſo; if ill, then let all (High-Conſtables) learne to be good in their Offices, and take heed how they leane too much upon a Rotten-Staffe, though nere ſo rich • y painted.

Well, would I had conſidered as much before as I do now, for I perceive that he who meddles the leaſt, is counted for the honeſteſt man, and if you and I had taken that courſe, I thinke it had beene the wiſeſt way for us both.

Why, if I had knowne of it. I would have ſent you word by one of my ſervants, to have given you noitce of ſome of your Adverſaries, by a truſty friend, one Munck a Cobiet, and one of the braveſt fellows to carry a meſſage in the world; were it betwixt the Turke and the Devill, he would have let no flies ſtick upon his heeles I warrant you, but would have helpt you to have ſcowr'd your enemie, from the very noſe to the touch-hole behind.

But now Brother Waterton, I thinke it would be a wiſe courſe both for you and me, as the times goe, to ſéeke our peace, and be in charity with all men.

O Sir, but it is a queſtion whether they will be in Charity with us or no, for indeed the time hath beene that they would, when we would not, ye know that we have had good dayes▪ when they have felt ſorrow, for before that I was thrown out of my Office then who but M. Waterton High Conſtable of Wapping, how then but good your worſhip ſtanding with their hats in their hands, with bending knees, & now alaſſe there is a qualme come over my ſtomack, good Brother Quarterman fill me the tother cup of Claret quickly.

What, ill againe man? your fits comes very thick upon y • u.

Yes Brother Quarterman, but I wonder they come no faſter upon thee, you told me that to take a wooden Horſe and ſo for new England was the ſecond beſt medicine, but what doe you thinke by the wooden Horſe, the Gallows I pray ye, they ſay that that's good for an Ague too, and you being ſo well acquainted with the Hangman, I make no doubt but he will give you leave to chuſe your corner.

I but Brother Waterton, I hope you are not come to jeare me for my good counſell?

No Brother Quarterman, and yet I have heard that as honeſt a man as either you or I has dyed in the winter.

Brother Waterton, to tell you the very truth, I thought yt I had an Ague upon me, which now I find other wayes, and rather that it is a ſtrong ſurfit which I tooke above a dozen yeares agoe.

Why, was it with eating hot graines with a Sow for a wager, at that time you plaid the Brewers ſervant.

Well Brother VVaterton, but I am ſure that you tooke not a ſurfit when you ſtrove with the woman at Wapping for your Chriſtmas Dayes Dinner, as they call it, when you tooke the péece of leane béefe from her, and ſhe ſaved you a labour in fetching your Pye, and Pudding, from the Bake-Houſe.

Well, but for all that I verily believe mine is a ſurfit too, and as I imagin a cold ſurfit, which as neere as I can, Ile tell you how I came by it, upon a cold winters night a Seaman and his wife came at an unſeaſonable houre from drinking which I perceiving, and being loath to diſturbe the Neighbours, or trouble the Watch, went in curteſie to helpe them to a lodging my ſelfe, which indeed was the Cage, and comming to the doore when I opened the Lock, the knaviſh Seaman being too ſtrong for me, thruſt me in, and withall lo • kt the doore againe, and then threw away the Key into a Ditch, and when he had done, he went away laughing at the knaviſh trick which he hah ſerved me.

No indeed, and they were, it ſeeme • they bare me not ſo much good-will as to doe it, for as I beard ſince, they rejoyced at it, and laugh at the buſines as much as the knave tha • did it.

It ſéemes by the Story there wa • good neighbour-hood among them, and yet m • thinks that if they would not do it for love • feare ſhould have compel'd them to have d • n • it, but how long did you ſtay there?

Marry till ſuch time as the Roun • came by to releaſe me, and then I had like to have had my b • a • nes knockt out.

Your braines knockt out man, (marry Heavens forbid,) by what meanes I pray you Sir?

By one of the watch-men, who had got a cup in his head more then the reſt of his fellowes, coming to the Cage and asking what I was, to whom I anſwered, ſaying, M. Waterton, High-Conſtable of VVapping▪

No, but he put me into a damnable feare that he would have done it, being miſtaken in the darke he told me I lyed, and ſaid if I would not hold my prating, but abuſe the High-Conſtable of VVapp • ng's name in that manner, he would knock my Cocks-combe for me, as it was never knockt ſince the firſt time that my Dam bound my head.

Alas good honeſt Gentleman, then it ſéemes that you were almoſt in as bad a caſe as poore transformed Acteon was, who appearing in a ſtrange ſhape, was torne to death by his owne Doggs: and you being heard to ſpeake ſo in an unexpected place, peradventure might have had your braines beat out: by your owne Friend the Watchman, and ſo here's to you the other cup of Claret.

Verily Brother Quarterman; I muſt unbutten a button or two before, for my Dublet growes too ſtraight in the waſte already, and yet for all that my Sure is made ſo little, I am afraid that the Taylors Bill will be made as much too large, when he and I ſhall come to a reckoning together.

Yes Sir, but who would have thought that the times would have changed ſo ſuddenly with me, for at that preſent I had the law in mine owne hands, and the proudeſt Taylor amongſt them all durſt not have reſiſted, not queſtioned the matter in thoſe dayes, but now I could wiſh with all my heart, that two or three of my loving Neighbours would take up the buſines betwixt us, and it ſhould be a warning to me how I meddle with ſtrange Taylors any more, but I'me afraid very few will take my part, but rather rejoyce to ſee the Taylor take vengeance on my purſe, becauſe formerly I tooke ſo little pitty on theirs.

I Sir, but not of all your Neighbours, I hope you put a difference betwixt the good and the bad? and though forty or fifty far'd the worſe, I make no doubt but others came off the better?

No indeed Brother Quarterman, it was not only forty nor fifty, but hundreds, nay even the whole pariſh, and ſome as far as Bow, and Brumley, which I could wiſh they were all as farre as Rome.

VVhy, what is that I pray you?

Marry they ſay that the running Stationers of London, I meane ſuch as uſe to ſing Ballads, and thoſe that cryes Malignant Pamphlets in the Stréets, have all laid their heads together, and are framing a bill of indytement againſt us, becauſe divers times to ſhow the power of our Authority, we have taken perforce or torne their rediculous Papers.

By the maſſe I thought that ſome thing was the matter that made the knave ſo ſcawcie on Tower-Hill the other day, for I did but bid him to be gone, and not to ſtand bawling of his Ballads in that manner, and he told me that he would ſing there when I was hang'd, nay, perhaps (quoth he,) one that ſhall be of thy owne Execution.

But what was the ſubject of the matter that he ſung at that time I pray you?

For that I do not well know, becauſe he had almoſt done before I came to him, but I'me ſure the knave pray'd both for the King, and the Queene too, in the concluſion.

Marry they were more readier to uphold him in his knaverie, and breake my pate.

Well, then it ſeemes that you are in a manner as well belov'd in the Suburbs as I was in the Citie formerly; which indeed is, as the Devill loves holy-water, if their hearts were according to their hands, in a late Petition of theirs, againſt me.

I, brother Quarterman, and if they knew but as much knaverie by you, as I doe by my ſelfe, I would be hang'd if they would not, have had a Booke, or a Ballad, out of us both by this time: I thanke them heartily, they've remembred me alreadie in their laſt Chriſtmas Caroll, becauſe that Maſt. Diu with his Dagger, and my ſelfe, ſuffered no Plums to come to Ratcliffe-Croſſe, to make their prophane Pottage on that morning.

Well, brother Waterton, with all my heart; I'le take my leave too, friends you know muſt part.